Communication and growing closer

[RockNRoll]

There is a personal story behine those questions, so I'll mention it as well...
1. How do you keep in touch with the person you are dating? Talks on mobile, texts, emails? Let's say after a month or a few, how often and in what way do you contact or prefer to be contacted?

In my situation it's more than four months, which seems quite a time to establish those things, but I have concerns.
I am not a biggest texter myself and these day I would use it for short conversations, if not just giving information/arranging meeting up and some occasional sweet messages. And he seem to be of the similar idea, but even more reserved. I don't spent hours on phone either, but prefer talking on phone to other options if we can't meet up.
2. This is a lame question, but how to make talk over the phone a bit more regular, comfortable and fun? How to start talking about (almost) everything?
It is all about being close to each other, isn't it?
What helps you to grow closer to each other? What makes you to open and trust the other person and how do you gain those things?
I am not that chatty (maybe just now :) ), though I can hold up any conversation, but not always sure how to start or what question to ask (or if it's ok to ask), can be quite some times as well. I feel like these are some reasons that stop us from having great talks.
I had an absolutely great communication in my past relationships. Sure, we had that and more not only talking on phone, but in person as well, I didn't expect it to be different.
I'd like to have similar thing in my current relationships, to be able to talk about anything, have fun or share emotions and thoughts. And we are surely getting there when we are face-on-face. But not as good over a phone and very rare. He is attentive and great to me in every way when we are together. Would be nice to have a good communication on a distance as well.

He told once that he preferred to see me when we talk and found it more difficult by phone. As English is not my first language, I may speak with unusual intonation sometimes (and not only intonations, I guess, but he mention only it), so it's better to see my face to understand me correctly. I found it interesting to know :) And thought about it... Is it the main reason? Obviously I will improve my English, but intonations take time. How can it stop us from talking?

3. How to encourage him to call more often for a chat?

Answers on these questions seem pretty obvious and natural, but I really would like to hear what you guys have to say about it.
What do you think? Any advices? Please share your experience :)

[RockNRoll]

Just wondering if I am overreacting? Apart from meeting up, he started sending text most evenings recently, had a chat on phone only two times over the three weeks. But he didn't contact me in two days and a couple of days before were rather basic, initiated by me sometimes. Should I be bothered? I don't have any suspicious, just not happy that we don't keep good communication when we are not in person
I am saying it not based on these two-three days, but because we have a history of really poor communication while I was away for two months. That's what brought me to this forum back in September. It was so bad, that I gave up on him at that time.
When I came back, he told some nice things and I decided to give it a go. And we are really great when we are together. But that lack of communication appears to be an unresolved issue now, because after just two days of no communication it all came back to me. It seems that I need to bring it up, although I didn't want to before... How do I do it without making communication even more awkward?

[xxazurexx]

1. How do you keep in touch with the person you are dating? Talks on mobile, texts, emails? Let's say after a month or a few, how often and in what way do you contact or prefer to be contacted?

I loathe texting and so much prefer calls. When I was younger, teens, very early twenties, mobile phones were not yet around, lol. So we had to call someone and if we wanted to talk, to see them, to arrange a date, etc, etc. I guess calling is what I was used too and is why I still prefer a call or to call. I think texting is impersonal and a cold form of communication - it's easy to interpret a message the wrong way and because there is no tone of voice to accompany the message. I like to hear a voice, the tone of a voice an calling is so much more personal. Plus you can say so much more on the phone, than you can in a text.

2. This is a lame question, but how to make talk over the phone a bit more regular, comfortable and fun? How to start talking about (almost) everything?
It is all about being close to each other, isn't it?
What helps you to grow closer to each other? What makes you to open and trust the other person and how do you gain those things?

I'm a chatterbox anyway so am never stuck for convo. I can talk about everything and anything and my ex was the same as me. We were never stuck for something to talk about. From the initial call we chatted daily on the phone, for three whole years and for hours at a time.

I think that people do get close and comfortable, via chatting by phone. The more you chat, the more comfortable you become and you gain trust in the other person and then tend to totally open up to them. Supposedly and for a man to open up and share his stuff, he has to trust you totally. Then you will find that you become his 'everything'. His confidante, best friend, therapist, as well as lover.

3. How to encourage him to call more often for a chat?

I don't think you can encourage someone to call more and why would you want to encourage someone to call you? If someone has to be encouraged to call, then I'd rather they didn't bother calling me at all. I only want him to call and if he wants to call. Some people are just not phone people.

I guess that by always sounding happy to hear from him when he calls is a good starting point.

Just wondering if I am overreacting? Apart from meeting up, he started sending text most evenings recently, had a chat on phone only two times over the three weeks. But he didn't contact me in two days and a couple of days before were rather basic, initiated by me sometimes. Should I be bothered? I don't have any suspicious, just not happy that we don't keep good communication when we are not in person

I wouldn't be happy with a guy who called me twice in 3 weeks only and the rest of the communication via text. It would make me think, 'half hearted' interest.
Regular and consistant calling on the phone would let me know he had a 'real' interest. That he wanted to personally talk to me, that he was interested in conversation with me and to hear my voice.

How often do you see this guy? Like as in meet up with him?

[RockNRoll]

Thank you so much You sound like a great person to talk to Agree on texts being impersonate. That's why I am making such a deal of it.
Based on my experience I believe I can hold up a conversation of any kind. But I have a feeling that there is something stopping him from calling I thought that it will improve with time as we get to know each other more (a bit of catch 22 here), and we are so much closer now, but you'll never know it by looking through my mobile. I never thought that I will worry about not speaking on phone, because I am for communicating in person and frankly never felt a lack of such attention. What about keeping in touch? I never mentioned my concern, because I wanted him to be natural about it, I see you understand that.
We see each other at least 3 times a week. When we are together I can't believe that we have such a rubbish problem.
___
We didn't see each other during weekend for the other objective, not connected to the story reason. He just texted (!) me saying how much he missed me this weekend, etc. Why didn't he call back then?! He never even texted me during those two days. If I wasn't in this situation myself, I would have found him uninterested and suspicious. But I do trust him and he is interested. Can't stop asking myself: Why?!
Should I approach him about it? How is it better to do it???

[carl1222]

I'm glad you acknowledge that it's a rubbish problem. Some people are just not phone/text people. They just don't feel comfortable, and it reminds them that they are apart. As long as he is attentive and communicates well in person, I would just chalk it up as a difference between you and remind yourself that it's not a lack of interest. If it really bothers you, ask him to make the effort just to please you ... but expecting it to be "natural" for him is too much to expect.

Carl.

[RockNRoll]

Thanks carl! I don't need hours on phone, I have other things to do and so on. But I miss him, miss talking to him especially if we haven't met in several day and that's the reason why I (not the most chatty person) want to talk to him. I have news and things to say, that get lost till our new date. I am just not getting, why doesn't he call if he misses me as well? I always try to be rational. But this situation really upsets me. I really have a filling that once in a while he tries to do it, but then gives up. And it seems to be like that since we just started. It is strange and doesn't fit in what we seem to have, just feels wrong It raises a few questions and worries in my mind. It can't be just because I have foreign intonations, can it?

[carl1222]

I'm sure it has nothing to do with your accent. Why not send him an email with all the news ... maybe that's an easier way for him to communicate?

[RockNRoll]

OK, thanks for re-assuring. Intonation is the only explanation he mention regarding talks on phone, that's why I repeat it over and over. Yep, I could send newsletters )
Now I understand, that the main my concern is not rare talks on phone now, but that story with poor contact while I was away. I thought I let it go, but I didn't. I understand that it's past. And all the rest should overweight it. I am not blaming him, I am more annoyed with myself accepting that behaviour.
It is controversies. That's not a major problem, but I can't get a peace of mind and want to tell him. But I don't really want to bring it up, and not sure if I can do it in a proper manner.