Maintaining confidence in myself

[JGolds29]

Hi everyone,

Over the past two weeks I've been doing a ton of reading about self-improvement, and I was wondering if anyone has any tips about maintaining a steady level of confidence in myself? I'm normally a shy and reserved person and I've struggled with being self conscious throughout my adolescence and early adulthood, but I feel like I've made great strides in just the last two weeks.

I've been working on simple things like paying attention to my breathing to calm me down and focus, smiling throughout the day, maintaining steady eye contact with the people I interact with, chatting with people whom I don't really know to break out of my comfort zone, and occasionally reminding myself of my most valuable qualities; however, I still don't feel like I'm doing enough and there are times when I struggle to maintain my level of confidence throughout the day.

I was a collegiate soccer player and I am most confident when I'm playing - I'm very talkative, encouraging, and completely confident in my abilities and skills on the field - and I would love to be able to harness the confidence I have when I play so that I can have that same level of confidence throughout my everyday life.

Any tips, advice, or encouragement is much, much appreciated.

[tehwarlock]

Try not giving a ****. Seriously, it works.. tried it myself.

[youngcoder19]

Not giving a sh!t is a little too vague of a response.

Keep in mind that something like self-confidence isn't really something that can be (re-)built overnight. You need to do tiny things each day.

You said you feel confident when you play soccer? Then treat each conversation like a soccer match. I'm not saying tackle your conversational partner, but playful banter much like a soccer game.

[Hannu]

I suggest seeking help from an NLP Coach or attending an NLP Practitioner course. You'll be able to improve your self-confidence easily in just one hour or less. Just make sure the coach/trainer is licensed by Richard Bandler, the co-creator of NLP.

[surgarmuffin24]

I've struggled with similar issues of feeling very shy. It's helped me to remember that people are MUCH more concerned about themselves than they are you at any given moment. Faltery works good. Once a person thinks that you like them, it's usually easier to feel comfortable and talk to them.

Also remember that people who are genuinely themselves are the most endearing to others! This means that if you come across as someone who is stepping out of their comfort zone to say something, contrary to what you make think, you're likely to be endearing and likable at that moment (most especially to women).

[Jolicoeur]

I would love to be able to harness the confidence I have when I play so that I can have that same level of confidence throughout my everyday life.

What is it that makes you think you lack confidence? What would you like to do better, or different? Could you give some examples of situations where you don't act or react the way you'd like to?

Any tips, advice, or encouragement is much, much appreciated.

I used to be very shy. I turned all red in a conversation involving strangers. Stuff like that.

The way I dealt with it, was with humor. I started making funny comments on situations. Whenever people laughed, it gave me strength. It's a great ice breaker. Be careful not to hurt people with the comments though.

Another thing (and I know this will sound very negative) is to compare yourself with other people. I am rather smart, so I started noticing that most people where 'beneath me' on that level. You can find whatever skill you're good at and focus on it. If you're good looking, compare that. If you have good taste in clothing, use that. Be careful though, because it's easy to develop a nasty personality around it. (I've had that problem for a while. I still have a big ego, but I think I've got it in check now).

A last funny, kind of weird thing I read once is called the Jedi Mind Trick (don't skip the page, hear me out :-). The trick is to look people in the eye just a bit longer than socially conventional, to kind of stare them out. Many people don't like that and look down or away very quickly. It really works, even if you're generally not a very dominant person. Again, don't overdo it, because this is perceived as being obnoxious. Just do it once or twice for a split second at the beginning of a conversation and then allow the other person to win the stare-contest a couple of times by breaking the stare before they do. It sounds strange, but it works. (If you have trouble at first, you can train yourself with cats. They hate being stared at :-).

[dhiemhie15]

Well all I can say is that you should be an alpha male to maintain your confidence.