Maintaining Long Distance Relationships- Fruitless Pursuits?

[Quentin]

Heya guys. I really need your advice and feedback on this one.

Currently, I have an on-off girlfriend who's in Thailand. I met her around 2 years ago when she was studying in my home country. She's gone back to Thailand now... however, we still keep in contact.

Just a while ago; I actually flew to see her in Thailand. It was a refreshing sight just to see her after some months apart. We share contact numbers, adresses et cetera

Usually, we'll talk on the phone every few days and occasionally send the 'surprise' mail parcel or two.

Long story short. I feel that there has no meaning in the relationship left. There is no progress or any form of development. I mean, sure we have trust and friendship for quite a while now... but I'm getting the feeling we're both into this just for the sake of keeping in touch.

Don't get me wrong though. We get along with each other fine. But some nights when she doesn't answer her phone or call me... insecurity seeps in

I understand it's fairly impractical to impose a 'no-friends-of-the-opposite-sex' kind of agreement between the both of us; considering we're oceans away from each other...

I feel static and stagnant. I still love her very much.

What should I do to revive our relationship?

Thanks for listening.

[YourBestFriend]

Well, there isn't much you can do, but trust her.

If she loves you as much as you love her, she will remain faithful.


Do you love her enough to move to Thailand?

[vashti]

If neither of you plan to relocate, there is no relationship. Move on.

[Glyph]

Vashti is 100% correct. Unless there's a big move in either of your futures, it's pointless.

[Gigabitch]

What's the deal with your relationship? Hope for being together in the future or not?

[Tiay]

In my LDR, there aren't really solid plans for moving, but there's willingness on both sides.

What can you do to revive it? I would've suggested phoning and sending stuff, but you already do that. You get on great, you have contact regularly.. where's the problem? It seems to be a mental thing. do you see a future with her? Would she be willing to move, or would you? Was the reason you were with her partly due to convenience, and now that she's away it's a chore? or maybe you're just somebody who needs your partners physical presence? have a long think.

[Gigabitch]

In my LDR, there aren't really solid plans for moving, but there's willingness on both sides.

You're going there for the summer, though. In the grand scheme of things, you intend to end up together, right?

If there's nothing more than the occasional vacation in your future, I'd say there's no point to keeping this going.

[Tiay]

oh, yeah, definitely; it's just too far off to know/plan much yet. As you said, there'd be no point otherwise. I can understand people having doomed, convenience-based college/highschool relationships, but I doubt many LDR's are like that.

[Junket]

If neither of you plan to relocate, there is no relationship. Move on.

LDR's should be temporary.

[Prodigal]

LDR's should be temporary.

Yes, I really agree with this statement. Ultimately the LDR will end; either it will end through termination of the relationship or the long distance.

Maybe you're getting bored because of the stability... and if so, that is a deep problem. However, this is what happens down the line... the spark goes away, and what you have left is you two seeing each other for who you are, uninhibited. You may be at this point in the relationship. It's a bit of a transition... I think that respect is the most important thing...

[Ellynn]

LDR's are hard....especially when you can't see the person. At first I was like....hmmm...I could do this. But I tried and got lonely really fast. (Plus I found out that it was nearly impossible to set up a time for us to see each other) So, I told him that maybe its just best that we keep in contact and whatever else happens...happens.

The way I figure it, if your meant to be with someone, you will be. But, its unfair to you or the person you are into to put everything on hold(unless you both are 100% willing to). People come and go in our lives...and it can change us.

YOu need to be able to meet each other half way so that you can actually see each other. If you can't, then chances are, its not gonna work.

[WaitingCoffee]

[QUOTE=YourBestFriend;259368]Well, there isn't much you can do, but trust her.

LIke wat yourbest friend said.. There's really nothign you can do .. but have faith in her..
This is the main thing in LDR.

are both of you willing to commit in this LDR?

[Quentin]

Well, we're getting along fine as I'd said. Both of us are at some kind of crossroads right now... she's busy with her career and I'm busy with school.

I'd hope to get on a job soon after I graduate. Get an American green card and get the hell out of my home country.

I'm willing to move to Thailand or bring her along with me... but it's a little far in the future... a little too far.

Right now, I just wish I could see her everyday like old times. That's all. I feel we'll progress so much better that way.... minus the heartache of LDRs

[tooxshort]

Don't let anyone set the rules for your relationship. Yes, there will be doubts whether or not you'll be together, but as long as you're willing, I see no problem in trying to keep it going.

I am in a long distance marriage, so I know how hard it can be, but we have plans to be together in the long run. Right now, I'm in the process of applications to try to get her here as fast as possible.

I'll be spending the summer with her in the Philippines though ... and that ain't gonna be easy because I don't speak the language, but she's worth the sacrifice ...

[YourBestFriend]

Well, you are both willing to move, so just decide who's it gonna be