Help chance at a family with the women I love going down the drain...

[SimonSerenade]

I've posted my situation in the broken hearts forum so I won't go into much detail, Basically me and my ex were together for 3 years before she ended things, She said it was because she didn't love me anymore and wanted to be on her own and go out more and with me around she couldn't do it, I fear I may have ruined my chances from the moment she finished me as I did nothing but pester her with my desperation and my feelings, She hasn't shown one tiny bit of hurt towards me over all of this since we've split, We have a child together and I was the one to take her virginity, People have told me to give her time as she is only young (20 years old) and im 23 and apparently those 3 years I got on her surprisingly make a huge difference in maturity and what not.

We argued quite alot as when my son was born she moved out on me to live at her mother's as she couldn't cope and after near enough 2 years she hadn't returned and that left me feeling somewhat worthless and just not good enough, She changed after birth and had a tenancy to finish me quite a lot and she was never one to come crawling back, We've both made mistakes, She treated me very badly and said harsh things about my ex who died most probably out of jealousy for the fact that I wasn't over the situation as I was unfortunate enough to find her after her overdose and my desperation for the fact that I was powerless to do anything about it still rips me to shreds inside, As for what I did wrong, At one point I made a Vampire Freaks account to get in touch with old friends and random people wound up flirting with me and I wound up flirting back and eventually she saw the comments, I don't know what on earth came over me, I suppose it was just nice to hear that I was still a nice lovable guy as I never got all that many compliments off her after our son was born, I know what I did was wrong and I'd of never took it past flirting, Do you think in time she will ever forgive me for it?

I feel if this was anybody else I could move on from it and wish them the best of luck but we have 2 very strong bonds in my eyes, We have a child together and a chance at being a family and that's always been what I wanted from such a young age and I was her first time at intimacy and remain her only time which to me means a hell of a lot, I know that sounds selfish to want her all to myself and what not but I wouldn't want her to be hurt by anybody and there's a lot of players out there, At least when we made love it was love, Imagining anyone using her for it would just rip me to shreds inside knowing she can mean so much to me yet nothing to someone else, I always said I'd be happy for her if she found someone who could make her happy and loved her as much as she loved him, I geuss I just worry and care too much.

We split up 3 months ago and so far she hasn't gave me a sniff of how she's feeling from the break up, I've begged and pleaded, I've reasoned with her and tried to please her, I made my faults and down fall's clear to her and apologised for them, I rang her a good few times in tears and got nothing in return, Only made her angrier, I bought her gifts including Fable 3 and made her mix cds and told her everyday how much I loved her but I geuss in the end it just pushed her further away, I then attempted to be friends with her in hope she might one day forgive me and realise what she's throwing away, I tried so hard to compress my feelings and prevent them from reaching the surface, After about a month of that I asked her if she'd like to go for a coffee and take our son for a slushy but she said she wasn't ready to hang out with me, Thing's were going okay as friend's up until I got ill and wound up not being able to take my son back to his mum's house and needed my step dad and mum to do it and she said "I couldn't care less if he comes or not to pick him up on Wednesday" in a pretty snappy way which made me argue with her as I felt my efforts were unappreciated to give her a break in the week and we wound up arguing, I stupidly apologised and told her she wouldn't hear from me for a good while until I can accept how things have ended up as things were awkward.


I love this woman more than life it self and haven't touch another woman since her, I was once a stupid kid and I've had all the fun I needed to have when I was a kid, Maybe not so much sexually as I'm not into that whole meaningless sex sort of thing but I went out a lot for nights out and partied my ass off (not literally of course but that would be funny to see ), I think in a way she may wants to do all that herself before she ever settles on what she has, I don't want to give up on her, I would wait for her forever if need be, My friend said if she loves and cares for me even if it's just as a friend and wants me in her life still then eventually she'll miss me not being in her life and make the effort to get me back, He also went on to say that she at the moment knows she could get me back with the click of a finger and there for will drag me along for as long as she possible can and unless I give her some space with no contact what so ever then she will never miss me, Am I doing the right thing?

Can any of you ladies enlighten me on how she may be feeling right now? and provide any possible ways to go about getting her back for good?, I've tried so hard so move on without her around but it gets harder and harder from the moment I wake to the moment I fall asleep, I've tried going out and I've tried having fun with my friends but that only led to drunk dial and crying my eyes out for 8 hours in a row, These days aside from my part time job I stay indoors and play on my ps3 and watch some tv to pass the time but sooner or later I'm sure I'll run out of games to play and shows to watch, I'm finding it hard to look after my son also as when I look at his little face, I see her all over and what we could of had and that ruins me in so many ways, I cry a lot in front of him which is never good in the long run though he tends to crawl on the couch n give me a kiss and cuddle, He's the only thing in my life that's keeping me going, This isn't exactly the perfect start he deserves in life, I hate myself for this.

I never had this problem with my last long term relationship, That lasted 2 years or so, I think the difference was, My ex back then gave me closure, She met up with me and did it in person rather than over the phone, Kissed me one last time and I still remember every word she said, Her words were "You mean the world to me but all were doing is hurting each other and though I love you I have to live without you, You were my first time and that means a lot to me and don't worry about me cause I'll be sure to be in love again before I give somebody my second time", I cried my eyes out but I didn't beg cause I understood what she mean't and wanted her to be happy, She then took me home, Tucked me up in bed and gave me a kiss on the head and said "I'll miss you", She's been happy with the person after me ever since and I couldn't be happier for her I think it was that sense of an ending and reassurance that made it just that much easier to move on and be happy, I had nothing to worry or wonder about, She may of hurt me but she didn't leave me in the dark and she made sure I knew what I mean't to her before leaving, There for the feeling of abandonment and rejection was limited and I didn't feel meaningless cause she let me know that I wasn't, I suppose when it ends like that there really is no better way to move on.

I just wish my recent ex and mother of my child would of done the same.