Ok, I'm new here... where do I start?

[Viddy]

I' am new here and I' am looking for some advice on a girl I have been seeing.

I'll give you a run down:

We started dating breifly at the start of the year. She appeared to be a player and was seeing a couple of other guys. She told me she didn't want to be exclusive bu wanted to continue seeing me and just "have fun". So I assum she just wanted a friends with benefits type of relationship. This bothered me because I had feelings for her so I broke it off with her. I went about my life just thinking she was a mixed up, insecure player girl.

5 Months laster, in mid September I bumped into her and we had a friendly chat. We agreed to hang out again. I knew I should't have done this but I was a little bit lonley and thought this time I could see her without catching feelings and just have fun sleeping with her etc. So I have been seeing her since mid September and this time around she hasn't been seeing anyone else.

Sure enough, my feelings came back and I got attached to her. This time around she has told me things about herself which shes never shared with anyone else. She was sexually abused when she was 7 years old and she has never known her father. So she has A LOT of emotionally baggage. She has told me shes never had a bf or ever had any feelings for anyone and has always gone for open relationships so she never catches feelings. Basically she has a stage 5 fear of intimacy. This is obviously due to her sexual abuse and lack of a father. She has no self-esteem and doesn't see how anyone would fnd her attractive. I have told her to get some therapy but she says she doesn't want to burden anyone with her problems and has become resigned to the fact that she'll spend her life alone because she doesn't want to open up and share everything about herself with anyone and then take the risk of being emotionally damaged from that because she is already emotionally damaged and wouldn't be able to cope.

Shes told me I scare her because she has feelings for me and has never met anyone else like me before but is scared of being hurt. She has also told me she is very jealous when she sees me talking to other girls. Since we had this groundbreaking conversation, she has said that she has tried to forget it because her life would be much simpler without feelings for anyone but then she'll do something nice for me that says differently of how she is feeling. It is hurtful when she says she doesn't feel anything for me but I don't believe her when she says it because her actions say differently. When I was reassuring her that I' am trustworthy, I told her that I could say whatever I like to her but my actions will speak louder than my words and to just give us time and if I' am genuine then my actions will build her trust. We have agreed to be exclusive whch is a first for her but she is quite distant at times and can just say she wants the whole weekend to herself and leave me hanging which pisses me off. Sometimes I worry she'll go back to her old ways of serial dating to try to dilute her feelings towards me down but then I trust her when she says she won't do that...

My question is, how can I get her to open up to me and embrace a relationship 100%? She is very scared of opening up and feeling more emotional pain. I really like her and want to help her.

Thanks.

[RockNRoll]

I think you were right suggesting her to get some therapy. Give her support and re-assurance, but leave those deep problems for professional.

[Applesauce]

look up White Knight Syndrome