No Contact and Facebook

[NG85]

I've been getting conflicting information about how to use Facebook following a break-up with an ex. I'm a week into no contact, but my ex and I are still friends on Facebook. I've been told if you stop using FB during this time it shows you're hurt and are withdrawing and maybe don't want to see what your ex is up to or hurt them with your new updates. However, I heard it's also a good thing to NOT use FB because it shows you're having a life and aren't worried about being stuck in the internet, and there's a mystery to your new life, as to what you're doing in your free time - Notice how the people with the most FB updates usually have the less productive social lives.

I've also been told that it's a good idea to remove your ex's contacts from all online services except Facebook, since it's very public and chances are they'll see your updates. The updates should be positive and should reflect your new life and that you're moving on. You can also post new photos of yourself having fun or looking attractive or even with other potential love interests as a way to tug at their heart strings. I like this method because it makes you look more desirable and attractive, and that you don't need them to have a good time. And if your goal is to get your ex to contact YOU, it's a good way to get her to see something she might like and respond to it.

I've also been limiting my time on AIM, which shows that maybe I'm away, even if I'm just staying in for the night - It makes it appear as though I'm doing my own thing and going out and having fun.

Any thoughts on these ideas? Any suggestions?

[madotnw_nihs]

I didn't even know there was protocol on how to use facebook after a break up. I'd say, do what you want to. Do what you have always been doing on facebook.

[Poetic_Partner]

"...I've been told if you stop using FB during this time it shows you're hurt and are withdrawing and maybe don't want to see what your ex is up to or hurt them with your new updates. However, I heard it's also a good thing to NOT use FB..."

The solution is to say "Pfft - who cares what s/he thinks?!"

Just use FaceBook as you normally would. If you get busy with things, don't check in often and don't worry what your ex thinks. If your friends suddenly have a lot going on on FB, post & comment like crazy and don't worry about what your ex is thinking.

-PP

[NG85]

Alright, here's another scenario - You're using NC as a way to give yourself and your ex space, and to hopefully get back on their good side, either to be friends or to reconcile the relationship. This is what I'm doing, waiting for her to get in touch with me. I'm a week into NC, and last night I changed my profile photo on Facebook and she commented on it. Should I acknowledge this, or just keep on with NC like nothing ever happened, and maybe see if she responds to a few more of my posts before responding to her? Either way, my goal was to go 3-4 weeks of NC unless she gets in touch first, so since this is Facebook should I just ignore her comments and "likes" on my statuses/updates/photos and wait until 3 weeks to get in touch?

[Boisdevie]

There are no rules. Do what works for you.

[BeingAlpha]

Why cant people figure out that facebook is not real life? Do you hang out with your 500 fb friends in the real world? A comment or a like is not real contact...if she wants to contact you trust me your phone, inbox, etc will be blowing up. 30 days gives everyone time to truly think. Call her then..if she doesnt call you first.

I actually deactivated my fb and i find myself much more productive at work etc..going on 2 mos wo it...and i dont miss it.

[Poetic_Partner]

If you're trying NC till she comes around, you shouldn't respond to "like"s. Nor to generic comments. More personal comments, likely not either, though you'd have to make a judgment call. I would consider FaceBook "contact" from her to be in the form of a private message.

-PP

[xxazurexx]

Crikey, even rules on Facebook now and how to act after a breakup.....lol

What's wrong with getting a 'real' social life after a breakup, rather than live your life on a social network site?

Honestly...if you are hanging around on there then the main reason probably being is that you are spying on her or waiting for some sign that she's still interested, misses you, etc, etc.

No I wouldn't respond to her likes, dislikes, preferences, groups she joins, blah, blah, blah, etc, etc, etc...

Why don't you try picking up a phone and saying 'hi'?

[Teddy057]

When I went through my break up, I decided I wasn't going to log back on facebook until everything was completely healed. Now that I'm well and dandy, I still feel no need to log back onto that shit. Don't log on it for a couple weeks, see if you're mentally strong enough not to check up on them. Maybe it will give you some clarity.