How to make a long lasting relationship?

[Jman39]

RdHrshykiss, Mishnaya, Take2, xxazurexx, KailaK, etc.... sorry if i missed you.

How do I develop a strong healthy relationship with the woman of my dreams... TEACH ME










(men are assholes)

[girl68]

... men are not assholes, some men are just douchebags.

[xxazurexx]

Be Yourself

If you have an interest, show it. If she backs off and because you are showing an interest, then IMO her interest level isn't high in you - don't waste time, forget her and move on.
Females do NOT back off and because a guy shows interest....not if they really like you anyway. A female who likes you, will want to see your interest and because it lets her know that you are being 'genuine' and that you are not a 'player'. Once we feel that you are being 'genuine', then our walls and guard comes down - we open out to you more and begin to develop trust in you.

Showing an interest doesn't mean you have to go over the top and plague her constantly with calls/texts. Just call when you say you will, a daily call is nice/or a text message that asks how we are.

If she's feeling the same and you will know it if she's feeling the same and because all of your calls and texts and invites to dates will be accepted, then it goes from there. Even if she does miss a call, she would get back to you and as soon as she could.

If you ever feel like you are being played, then the chances are you are being played.

An interested female doesn't usually leave you second guessing and if she does leave you wondering.....forget her, move on.

[Jman39]

Be Yourself

If you have an interest, show it. If she backs off and because you are showing an interest, then IMO her interest level isn't high in you - don't waste time, forget her and move on.
Females do NOT back off and because a guy shows interest....not if they really like you anyway. A female who likes you, will want to see your interest and because it lets her know that you are being 'genuine' and that you are not a 'player'. Once we feel that you are being 'genuine', then our walls and guard comes down - we open out to you more and begin to develop trust in you.

Showing an interest doesn't mean you have to go over the top and plague her constantly with calls/texts. Just call when you say you will, a daily call is nice/or a text message that asks how we are.

If she's feeling the same and you will know it if she's feeling the same and because all of your calls and texts and invites to dates will be accepted, then it goes from there. Even if she does miss a call, she would get back to you and as soon as she could.

If you ever feel like you are being played, then the chances are you are being played.

An interested female doesn't usually leave you second guessing and if she does leave you wondering.....forget her, move on.

good advice: do you think if you are truley in love with someone, its possible to get sick of that person? I ask cus, well, i believe in absence makes the heart grow fonder, so sometimes acting distance from time to time gives me a chance to never hear the phrase "i think i need some space"

[girl68]

Acting distant is NOT the way to go about it.

Having space and time to yourself is healthly. You do that by going to work alone, going out with your friends- seperately, having your own hobbies... etc. You don't act distant to make the heart grow fonder.

And I can't speak for everyone but after 4 years I'm certainly not sick of my finace and I've lived with him since day 1.

[xxazurexx]

good advice: do you think if you are truley in love with someone, its possible to get sick of that person? I ask cus, well, i believe in absence makes the heart grow fonder, so sometimes acting distance from time to time gives me a chance to never hear the phrase "i think i need some space"

I'm a person who likes my space and I need to have time alone sometimes and to do my own thing....I think we all do. If I had someone stuck up my backside 24/7, I'm thinking that eventually it perhaps would get old, stale and boring.

If in a relationship I wouldn't expect him to be there at my beck and call or spend every moment of the day with me. I'd expect that we both be working, own hobbies, etc, etc.

I think that it is important and to maintain a life, outside of the relationship - which basically means, have your own interests, hobbies, friends, etc. Even if married, it's important and to still maintain your own interests, etc, etc....the marriage remaining the top priority though.

[Jman39]

Acting distant is NOT the way to go about it.

Having space and time to yourself is healthly. You do that by going to work alone, going out with your friends- seperately, having your own hobbies... etc. You don't act distant to make the heart grow fonder.

And I can't speak for everyone but after 4 years I'm certainly not sick of my finace and I've lived with him since day 1.

So Ill give u my current scenario- I have a gf of just over 1 year... We text everyday, multiple times a day.... some times every 10 min... call me crazy. I see her probably twice a week, but make sure we text everday... there hasnt been 1 single day we have gone without at least texting.
Dont get me wrong, i LOVE my gf. Im a sucker for romance, but i dont wanna end up being hurt, so sometimes i gotta limit myself... i try to keep busy myself... so if shes texting me ever 5 mintues, should i wait and reply? ignore some texts? i end up texting her back, and the cycle continues... the past summer we had a rough patch and she admitted things were getting boring, so i decided to back off... limited my speaking to one word repsonses, and she came crawling back telling me she wants us to work cus she "cant" lose me... blah blah blah, i just dont want it to get to that point again...

fwiw- things are great right now- but i dont wanna f it up.

[xxazurexx]

good advice: do you think if you are truley in love with someone, its possible to get sick of that person? I ask cus, well, i believe in absence makes the heart grow fonder, so sometimes acting distance from time to time gives me a chance to never hear the phrase "i think i need some space"

Yeah, don't act distant and simply because you want her to miss you more. That is playing games.

Having space and taking time out to do your stuff, is different.

[Jman39]

I'm a person who likes my space and I need to have time alone sometimes and to do my own thing....I think we all do. If I had someone stuck up my backside 24/7, I'm thinking that eventually it perhaps would get old, stale and boring.

If in a relationship I wouldn't expect him to be there at my beck and call or spend every moment of the day with me. I'd expect that we both be working, own hobbies, etc, etc.

I think that it is important and to maintain a life, outside of the relationship - which basically means, have your own interests, hobbies, friends, etc. Even if married, it's important and to still maintain your own interests, etc, etc....the marriage remaining the top priority though.

totally agreed there...
but wat if she is always texting you or trying to get a hold of you? beleive me id love to be iwth her all the time, but i know thats not the way to having success, hence the reason for being a little "busy" or"distant" from time to time, to keep her "missing" me...
simply= i dont want her to get sick of me...

[girl68]

Tell HER to get some hobbies, be busy, hang out with friends. You're both smothering eachother. You guys are obviously really young...

[xxazurexx]

totally agreed there...
but wat if she is always texting you or trying to get a hold of you? beleive me id love to be iwth her all the time, but i know thats not the way to having success, hence the reason for being a little "busy" or"distant" from time to time, to keep her "missing" me...
simply= i dont want her to get sick of me...

Like Girl said, it's your gf who needs to find other things to do and to occupy her time, not you.

I dunno what I'd advise and because it's a situation whereby you have always maintained a regular and consistant contact and if you start to do things differently as in ignore her texts, calls, she will notice and think she's doing something wrong, or your interest in her is waning....more so and if she's a younger female. A more mature woman I doubt would call a lot and in this way - she'd understand that you needed time alone sometimes and she'd probably have her own interests too, so that she wouldn't feel a need to be calling you all the time.

[Jman39]

Like Girl said, it's your gf who needs to find other things to do and to occupy her time, not you.

I dunno what I'd advise and because it's a situation whereby you have always maintained a regular and consistant contact and if you start to do things differently as in ignore her texts, calls, she will notice and think she's doing something wrong, or your interest in her is waning....more so and if she's a younger female. A more mature woman I doubt would call a lot and in this way - she'd understand that you needed time alone sometimes and she'd probably have her own interests too, so that she wouldn't feel a need to be calling you all the time.

yea i kinda associated it with immaturity... shes young, and im her first bf... shes quite the catch, and i KNOW i shouldnt have gone after a youngin, but again, she was too "cute" to pass up haha...
i guess ill hint at her trying new things, hanging out with her friends, etc... i do know shes got flaws, shes no perfect angel... but i just hope everything is smooth sailing...

so back on topic- in general- if a girl says things are boring... how should a guy respond to that? phsyically, what can he do to salvage the relationship?

[xxazurexx]

yea i kinda associated it with immaturity... shes young, and im her first bf... shes quite the catch, and i KNOW i shouldnt have gone after a youngin, but again, she was too "cute" to pass up haha...
i guess ill hint at her trying new things, hanging out with her friends, etc... i do know shes got flaws, shes no perfect angel... but i just hope everything is smooth sailing...

so back on topic- in general- if a girl says things are boring... how should a guy respond to that? phsyically, what can he do to salvage the relationship?

Yeah, suggest that she takes some things up. She's gotta have an interest in something or other. Encourage her and in whatever it is.

I don't think that she thinks you are boring btw. If you bored her, she probably wouldn't be on the phone texting all the time and pestering you with texts. What exactly are you not doing that makes it boring for her? Even if it was boring, doesn't she realise that she is the one making it 'same old, same old' and routine by constantly calling you, etc?

Some younger females will just think of any old excuse and to get more of a guys attention. She likely had no intention of ending the relationship and was just having a bored moment and took it out on you - hence why she was so quick to run back.

I don't see what you can do, to make it less boring. You appear to be always there for her and love her a lot....what more does she want?

If she finds it boring, then it's because she is bored within herself. It's not down to you to provide a life for her or her entertainment. She can only do that by getting a life for herself. And if she did get a life, then perhaps things wouldn't be boring for her and all other areas of her life would pick up too.

[Take2]

How about open communication? A total lack of that sort of murdered my marriage, so I am a big proponent of communication! If you are in a relationship already, and you love this girl...you don't need to create false distance. You just need to talk to her about your needs and hers and work together to decide how you will keep it fresh. I do think that 2 people who get rid of every aspect of their life that isn't together make it likely that the relationship will fall apart eventually. You owe it to the relationship to bring a whole person to the table.

[Mish]

the past summer we had a rough patch and she admitted things were getting boring

What happened when you hit the rough patch? Why did she say things were getting boring? What were the reasons she gave you?