She's too furtive and quiet

[XiaoHou]

I've been friends with this girl I've known for over a year and I've harboured some feelings for her for quite a while now. I rarely see her much as the only times we're available is on Sunday during church service. Often I sit back and chat to my friends most of the time and occasionally try to engage in a conversation with her. The problem is she appears to be very shy and reserved especially towards people she's not familiar with. In other words, if I start a conversation with her, she will respond but with a much weak softer tone in comparison to her close female friends. Most of the time she will stick towards her female friends and hardly come talk to any of the guys including me, it's like she's afraid of us.

I don't mean to make harsh judgements about her. I used to be extremely shy myself until I decided to evict that wussy-ness so I can start taking the initiative more. But with her, I feel as though I need to start toning down my interaction. Not to come off as strong or too assertive but to properly bond and have a comfortable conversation.

Whenever I message her through text/online, she appears to sound like a different person. A lot more outgoing, enthusiastic and open to say the least. Normally I'll playfully tease her and she'll attempt to reciprocate, we generally have good profound chemistry through online messaging. However, as soon as we meet each other in real life, the situation becomes too formal. As if we've hardly met or known each other. I realize that I should just talk to her more and let her know that I'm approachable. But I can't shake off that nervous feeling whenever I'm in front of her. Is she just nervous as well? Is she giving me any subtle clues of interest?

I know. She's shy and I'm somewhat the opposite, but I can't deny I still retain that introverted personality. The shyness is an indication where someone is scared of rejection and afraid that negative consequences will come out if you talk to anyone. Obviously I avoid my best to think of having any expectations or negative outcomes. Just let the conversation flow naturally.

During her birthday in May, I walked to her house to post her birthday present which was a twilight bracelet encased in an origami gift box which I personally folded and decorated. I had no intention to ring the doorbell, just go and leave. 10 minutes later I received a text from her friend (because she didn't have my number) saying "You're so sweet and thanks!". I guess she cherished the gift; she later even tried to text me as she had so many questions. Because according to her text, (believe me I am no fan of fates/miracles) while I was walking back from her house, she saw me on her way home in her car and I myself accidently noticed her too. We both exchanged glances as we came from opposite directions but unfortunately I only saw her parents at the front not and her sitting at the back. Some things just blow your mind away. Literally.

Anyway, I plan to ask her out soon by Christmas regardless whether I have any doubts that are hindering me. I refuse to beat around the bush because I don't want to keep this lingering. So here's the question:" How do you tell if that shy girl is interested in you?" Because quite frankly, a shy person is an absolute mystery. Even though I would prefer some indication she likes me, I can't really expect that from a shy girl. The way I can only look at is that,"She's likes you but is too embarrassed to let you know she has feelings for you because she's worried you may not have any genuine feelings and reject her". The alternative is to assume, she's just not interested. Because the shyness is too much of an impenetrable barrier to let anyone know she's in love (when she probably isn't). That sounds pessimistic yes, but there's hardly any point pondering about it. Really all I have to do is make it clear that I am interested in her and then she'll eventually emerge from her shell. But at the moment, the situation still looks rather grey.

Understandably, the best option is to take things slow like I have been for the past year. For me, I know I can relate to her as before I used to be shy like her current state. So why not ask her out? I would appreciate your constructive opinions and perspective!

XiaoHou~

[sarahprincess]

The shyness will leave once you've had more time together. Much more time together. See how she is with her friends? It most likely would be the same for you in the future. I myself am the same exact way, well used to be.. So I completely understand her personality. Although we arent always shy because we are afraid of rejection. To me, I think she is interested in you. Sometimes you wont get the forwardness like outgoing girls will give. Often times you wont at all. You have to be the outgoing one. Just give it a go, I'm almost positive she will say yes.

Plus if she is a whole different person online, she is most likely like this in real life to people she is more comfortable with. I too used to do the same thing, its just easier to open up that way first.

[XiaoHou]

I believe Patience is the key. I can't really think at the top of my head how you should start off a relationship with someone shy but I guess your point is plausible.