Bad patterns - mad woman?

[hilda]

Hi everyone, how are you?

Can you share your thoguhts if you have a moment... what I really want to hear is that I really can trust men and i'm just being a plonker.

I'm late 20s, pretty enough, rational enough, funny enough, plenty of friends. Plenty of flaws, but nothing mental.

A year ago I started falling for my friend. We had unresolved tension over some years and finally admitted we liked eachother. Lovely! But a few weeks after we slept together - he went long term travelling without saying goodbye.

I always knew him to be sensitive, shy and sweet. So it really was a shock. I have been cheated on in the past and then this.

So I have lost my trust in romance - if my close friend could do that could'nt anyone? So i've been really lonley and scared to trust since.

The thing is it's a year on now and they cycle is repeating itself. I moved to London, got a cool job and met a man who I thought I had a great connection with - lots of laughing and common thoughts (unorthodox as he was my boss)

Then it turns out he is married. After trying to sleep with me. How depressing. We dont work together anymore thank goodness. And phew I didn't put out. But now i'm trying to get over yet another hurtful escapade with a twat. yay.

What on earth is it about me that is attracting this? I should be clever enough to see it coming but clearly i'm not.
I have a whole catalogue of crappy scenarios I wont bore you with - but i really am going wrong somewhere and I need your advice!

Forgive me if i sound like i'm boy bashing - i know there must be as many bad women too.

Thank you for reading!!

x x x

[warriormaiden]

It's not just you.

I've had so many attached men come on to me since turning 20. It makes one wonder is there any good, honest men left in this world. It's really strange. You are not alone.

All I can say is, keep the hope alive that there IS someone out there for you who is not a complete dickhead, and will treat you the way you're supposed to be treated.

[smackie9]

Just keep those legs closed because giving up the cookie too soon is most of what is giving you this problem. A guy who is trustworthy is a guy that will introduce you to his friends and family, has a good work ethic and ambition, answers his phone when you call him anytime, will take you to see his place, doesn't cancel plans or is late all the time and of course a guy that is willing to respectfully wait about 2 weeks to a month before wanting sex, he actually gets to know you. It's not the type of guys you are attracting, it's the type of guys you are being attracted to.

[Mish]

What on earth is it about me that is attracting this? I should be clever enough to see it coming but clearly i'm not.

It's not just you hilda, a lot of people these days (both guys and girls) go through a number of partrners and some shocking experiences before they find that special someone. Don't lose hope that one day you'll find someone great, but trust your instincts as well, learn to recognise those patterns in men you attracted and ask important questions before anything happens (whether they are in a relationship, what they are plans are etc.)