Ex contacting me to hang out?

[hope555]

Hi all,

I had posted here earlier when I had broken up with my bf, and got some great advice. Basically my bf and I really liked each other for the first 6-7 months..after which he started to all of a sudden pull away. When he broke up with me, he said he did it because I wasn't happy as he was a terrible bf to me. He said he acts like nothing more than a friend to me, and its not fair to keep me in a relationship when I can find someone that treats me better. A few weeks later, he also added that he wasn't ready for a relationship because right now he had to focus on completing his phd and be successful in it.

Anyway, recently I just texted him to tell him to pick up his stuff. He said ok, but then said "we should hang out someday and catch up only if I wanted to that is". I ignored his question and talked about something else...and he said "you ignored by question about hanging out, I assume that means no?". Another time I msged him about something else, and he answered and said "I'll stop by soon ok?". I know I have issues because about once every two weeks I'll text him about one thing. But then he keeps the conversation going asking me tons of questions about my life and not sharing much about his life. He was my best friend and I LOVE talking..so I always reply to all his questions very excitedly (thats just my nature).

What should I do if he does ask to come over someday? Does he ask to hangout just because he wants to keep me around, but not really commit to me? I do want to keep him around as an option because I feel like there is potetial for us in the future if he grows up and is ready to commit...I def will not wait around for him though. But whats the best way to keep him around? I don't want him to take me for granted, because that way he'll never want me back..he'll get everything he wants from me without having me as a gf. If we hang out, how should I act? Should I act like I did before, and cook us dinner and be really sweet like I was before so he misses me as his gf? Or should I act colder and just as a friend?? I am sooo confused.

-hope

[ginastar]

hey, i think it depends. I think breaks arent that bad though. I almost wish my ex and I took a break in our relationship a long time ago. i think it would have been a better outcome for us. we dated since young 20's and now that im late twentys, i should be moving forward with life and instead my ex is with someone else.
idk if im explaining this to make sense to someone else

[Boisdevie]

What do YOU want? That's the most important thing here. My view - give him his stuff, say goodbye and move on

[xxazurexx]

Careful... he could be after a booty call.

I hope you are wise enough and not to fall into that trap.

[hope555]

I guess I'm at that age (25) where everyone spends their weekends with gfs or bfs. I don't really know too many other people in the city I live in. He was like my best friend and someone to hang out with and have a good time in my city. Thats why I'm happy he wants to hang out. Not sure if I can keep my feelings from resurfacing again. We haven't seen each other in 3 months, and I feel like if I see him, it'll almost be like meeting a stranger...I can't predict how I'll react. Also...I want him to think of me as a future dating potential...not just a friend. Because I see him as that...someone more special than just a friend. It would hurt me if he didn't see me that way. It would hurt me even more if he starts dating another girl while we're friends. PS: Its not a booty call because he was never really interested in sex towards the end of the relationship. I doubt after breaking up his sex drive would've increased again back to the levels of when we first started dating? But you never know...but I'm def not ok with that!

Anyway..should I hang out or just be lonely and hope I meet someone else soon? (it does get QUITE lonely). I can only work on myself for so long before I start to get lonely again.

[hope555]

Update: so I hung out with my ex last night and we just made friendly conversation for like an hour or so in my apartment. He initiated the whole meetup and said he hadn't seen me in a long time and was looking forward to seeing me. I cried after he left. It felt like crap because before this at least I could imagine that he may have some feelings. But last night it was clear he didn't. He sat on a separate couch to me, made no attempts to make a move on me. He didn't even ask if I was interested in any new guys. He told me he was bored after we broke up, so he used to stay at work till 2am sometimes. That hurt because he told me the reason why we broke up was because he had to work (seems like he was only working to get rid of boredom now...so he's rather fix his boredom by working than with me?). The last thing he said before he left is he called me beautiful, gave me a very long, tight hug, told me I smelled good, and that we should hang out again. I'm not sure if I want to...it hurts to be treated so platonically by a guy that used to go nuts over you. Also, everytime I see him I remember how much I loved him and how he didn't feel that way about me because he couldn't, and that hurts too. He seems to have removed that spark and tension, and now it just feels like hanging out with one of my girlfriends..which sucks! Anyone else feel this way? I doubt I'll find another guy like him and I want him back someday....should I keep hanging out, or just know this is not salvageable and move on? Is it possible to be over your ex and still want to see them?? Please help, I've been so sad about this since last night.

[therobby3]

This sounds strange. What I would do is get real serious with him, and have a talk with him about what's going on. Ask him why he is wanting to hang out and asks him straight up if he loves you like that. The unfortunate thing I've come to discover is that if things don't feel right, something probably isn't. My first instinct always seems to be right, see if it's the same for you.

If he says he is not in love with you in that way, unfortunately I think you must tell him that you cannot be friends, as that would make the getting better process much harder for you. Be honest with him, and most of all be honest with yourself.