I have trouble sharing details about myself to friends

[quietandshy]

I have a hard time talking about myself to friends. I don't usually have a hard time telling people what I'm doing or like my weekend plans or whatever, but anything on a more personal level (e.g. conflicts with friends or romantic interests especially) is really hard to talk about. I know this is a really important part of friendship, so I'm concerned maybe this is why I've found it hard to connect with people. I also get responses like, "why did you wait so long to tell me this?!" and just general confusion from friends because I don't keep them informed of my personal life. I feel like this may potentially threaten our friendships because I am not sharing stuff about me.

I'm about to start a new relationship. Currently we're in a really awkward stage between friends and relationship and I'm afraid that my difficulty with talking about love life stuff will interfere with our relationship in the future. He wants to be talked about, and I understand why. I'm having trouble sharing information about him with my friends. Most of them don't even know about him.

I've had pretty severe social anxiety over the past several years, so much so that I went to therapy for it. It's always been really hard for me to make friends, develop deep friendships, open up, etc. I'm much better than I used to be, but it's still awkward. I find it much easier to communicate online when there is the barrier and less facial contact, but I know this is not conducive to forming deep, intimate relationships and friendships.

Any one feel similarly and/or have any advice?

[MerryH]

Start off slowly with sharing personal details. Add your thoughts when it's relevant. It's okay to be a private person, I understand how it can be hard to share certain things, but you should really be able to tell your friends about boyfriends. You don't want to make it look like you're trying to hide him.

[quietandshy]

Start off slowly with sharing personal details. Add your thoughts when it's relevant. It's okay to be a private person, I understand how it can be hard to share certain things, but you should really be able to tell your friends about boyfriends. You don't want to make it look like you're trying to hide him.

I do start slowly with personal details, but it's difficult because the friends I share this with I've known a long time so they expect me to share just about everything with them. It's hard to tell them I don't want to share deep things with them because I fear they will get offended and think it's something wrong with them, so I try to avoid the subject all together.

I don't want to hide him, nor do I want to make it look like I am, but that's exactly where the problem arises.

[MerryH]

It's okay if you don't want to share personal things, though. It's probably better that you don't talk about conflicts with friends or romantic interests. That's gossipy, and usually we can all do with less gossip in our lives. Leads to less drama and BS. So it's kind of a positive.

But, if you actually DO want to share these things but can't for some reason, that's one thing you need to work on. And if you never talk about big life events, like a new job, addition (or loss) of family, graduation, whatever, then that's a little abnormal. These are things friends are sort of expected to share.

If your friends ever bring it up, I don't think they would be offended if you just explained that you're kind of a private person and aren't comfortable talking about yourself. Tell them you're a better listener than a talker or something. And as for your boyfriendy guy, I'm sure there's plenty of opportunity to throw it into conversation with your friends that you're dating a guy. Like this:

"Hey, quietandshy, what are you doing this weekend?"
"I'm probably going to see Bob."
"Who is Bob"
"He's a guy I've been seeing."
"OMG why didn't you tell me you have a boyfriend!! "
"Well, it didn't seem like a big deal. And he's not my boyfriend...yet. "

Done. Easy.