girlfriend suddenly frigid... please help

[Alliance]

lately my gf of one year has been very frigid. It only started a month ago. I don't know if it's work (she doenst have a good job, or busy or depressed.. She used to be so happy when we talked about marriage, now she's just cold. I'm lucky if I get a text she initiates. A phone call? been weeks. The only thing that keeps me alive is we still go out on the weekends.

I've been trying to cheer her up for the whole month. pretend nothings wrong. but i sense it everytime. she's strangely silent even when we go out. Still, I'm not gonna say anything or even ask her. 1) it's likely somethign i cant help with. 2) I also dread hearing something I don't want to. I'm just hoping to weather out her foul mood and it'll go away.

a few days ago, I called her. Instead of being overjoyed, she was rather emotionless. I asked her whose baby she was, playfully to cheer her up. she said her mom's. I asked her a few more times and she giggled and didnt say anything.
Last time I'm asking that question. I've decided I'm just gonna tell her she's my sweetie.

I haven't changed anything I used to do. I still love her very much. I figured I cant change or get mad or confront her. It almost feels as if shes backing out and our relationship is collapsing. I don't want to hear about her problems or any other nonsense. We've been together over a year, we should be working towards marriage and saving money and dreams of us together, not dealing with this emotional garbage.

any advice ? please help! thanks

[Gratedwasabi]

She's changing her mind. Maybe she feels like you rushed into the talk of marriage and such and now she's feeling pressured and wants an out.

If you feel it's "emotional garbage" you're screwed, she's gone. You need to stop being such a dude and talk about the "emotional garbage." Ask her how she's feeling about things and tell her how you feel about her, preferably while avoiding pressure for marriage.

Honestly, your attitude is in a very bad place and if you care about her, you need to care about the garbage she's obviously concerned about.

[sweetkissesforu]

why dont you show you really care a notice why pussy foot find out she is your gf she probaly would for you cheezzzz get with the program and ps dont forget those flowers

[manlystanly]

Seriously bro, "emotional garbage", and "I don't want to hear about her problems or any other nonsense"??? WTF??? If that is your attitude toward her then I'd say she's extracting herself from the relationship.

You need to ask her what is wrong, don't just stick your head in the sand hoping her problem will solve itself. If she's been this way for a month but she's still with you then I would think you probably still have a chance of saving things. You have to try to show her you care about whatever is bothering her. Maybe its something to do with you and maybe its not, but if you want to talk marriage then you certainly need to be able to talk about whats bothering one another. Helping each other work through things is a part of relationships.

[Alliance]

I know she's also been very busy lately with exams and work, maybe preoccupied

well, I don't use such harsh terms in front of her. doing so would lead straight to war.

I have told her she can talk to me anytime and I'll listen, and support her. But lately it's been frustrating. She hasn't told me much. Just getting colder and colder everyweek. I'd be lucky if I get one text.

i used to tell her i miss her, she would reciprocate. Now she says nothing. I still do it though.


yes I plan to give her lots of gifts. They won't solve problems, but they'll cheer her up.

[manlystanly]

Hmmm...I hear ya. So what you said in your first post was more of a frustrated statement than a heartfelt one. I can understand that, and good call not expressing that to her. Well if you honestly feel like you've done all you can and she isn't responding then I don't know what to tell you. I mean, if it was me personally and I was deeply in love with this person then I guess I'd just kind of wait it out, try to be supportive and pay extra attention to her needs, try to think of things I could do to brighten her day. But I wouldn't start buying gifts to cheer her up...maybe send flowers with a romantic card lightly addressing the issue. But eventually I would have to sit her down and be frank with her, "look, babe, you've been different lately (point out all the ways), and its really starting to affect me. I need to know if things are truly ok between us, and if they are then we need to figure out how to get out of this funk. I love you so much, you are the one for me and whatever is bothering you is hurting what we have. I hate seeing you like this because I care about you, but I have to think of my own feelings too. I can't help you if you won't let me, and maybe you don't even want my help but you might need it cause it doesnt appear that your method is working." If something along those lines doesn't open things up soon and get some discussion going then I would tell her that I just can't be in limbo fretting about my relationship. I'd tell her that I'm here if she needs me but I'm going to distance myself. I would do this because I know that I personally would take it even harder if I continued to pour effort into things just to have her ripped from my life. I also wouldn't lavish her with gifts, thats just going to make me feel more used if it doesn't work out.

[girl68]

I don't know I would sit her down once and for all and tell her I'm here, I want to be, and I'll listen- please speak to me. Then tell her how much this is hurting you, how damaging this lack of communication is. Let her know that if she can't speak to you for whatever reason you need her to help herself and if she'll talk to someone (like a counsellor) you'll support her in that too. Just don't let this broil for as long as she'll let it.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Buying gifts and waiting things out is not going to help you. Manlystanly was right when he instructed you to distance yourself. I understand it will be hard, but you have to back off of her completely, start doing your own thing and don't initiate any contact with her. Sounds like she's already checked out of the relationship and I doubt there's anything you can do at this point, but if there is any way to salvage it, you will have to create a lot of space between you and start doing your own thing.

[Boisdevie]

You guys need to talk. But it sounds like she's not as into the relationship as you are. Good luck.

[joneagle_28]

This is what I would do. See how much she really still wants you. Don't exactly disappear, but stop calling and texting. It might not be easy but that will get her attention! Finally when she does initiate a phone call or text, she will be on the other side of the boat. You have completely flipped the switch on her. This will only work if she is indeed still interested in being with you. Also pay attention to how long it takes for her to get in contact with you. Continue to do this until... she finally asks the question, you will know what question it is. That is your opportunity to talk things over. Hopefully after that conversation you will be heading towards a direction and not in the middle of the road like you are now. I hope this helps, be strong man!

[warriormaiden]

I can only speak from experience. She's not feeling the relationship anymore. You need to buckle down, and talk to her. Clear the air, and get the truth out. I know you don't want to know the truth, but you have to. It's like a bandaid, do it now and do it quickly.

[shadowy_libra]

I felt that. Talk to her. Tell her its okay whatever it is. I sense she is not into you anymore but is afraid to tell you or maybe, she doesnt want to hurt you...[/QUOTE][/QUOTE]

[Alliance]

thanks everyone, I'm feeling a lot better now. We texted a bit and I can sense she's not as cold. I thank you all very much, the support here has been great.
I think she may be under stress from exams, she's terrible at time management and gets easily overwhelmed or distraught ... sometimes, I almost feel like I'm the one writing them, lol. But I'll always support her.
I do plan to explore her emotional side a bit more, at least show some more interest.