Rollercoaster Ride

[maroon87]

Hi all,

My situation is almost hopeless now. Im 23, and ive been depressed for years now(i dont know if i have clinical depression), but my mood fluctuates alot everyday. Ever since a year ago when i met my girlfriend, my self-esteem slowly faded away. Before i met her it was as terrible, then i became so happy after a long time and now im losing all hope. I constantly believe i dont deserve her, but i do believe i have strong admiring feelings and care abt for her. I just dont have the energy to support/motivate her because im lost myself. Ive been losing almost all my friends due to fights, dropped out of school, fell ill very very often, been looking for jobs constantly everyday with no results for 2 months all while quickly hating myself and having no desire to step out of my home. Ideas for fun days out with my gf are long gone. I cant understand what she feels for me anymore. The past few days have been a rollercoaster ride. My heart has been racing 24/7, nightmares every night and i feel numb. Her best friend(a girl) once said i dont deserve her when i fought with her and the rest of my friends. I honestly feels she is right cuz my gf is so much successful than me in every way. Shes earning while me, a guy, is totally supported to this day by family. She is confident and a total opposite from me in thinking. Usually she calls and has time to talk, but this time she had to go, and i became delusional and thought she was pissed and sunk into low state of mood. Since then, ive asked her to leave me alone but she wouldnt and kept calling. I rejected every call and we've been smsing. She keeps saying im all that she needs and im the best but all ive done is hate myself and remained in sadness while she always tries to make me happy. For the past few hours, ive been begging her to dump me(done this many times, and she will always say no way). Now she isnt replying and deep within me of course i dont want her to, but for the sake of her well-being and bright future she has to and im just an obstacle.

[IncognitoSir]

To be honest, sounds like you need SERIOUS PROFESSIONAL help man! I'm no doctor, but sounds like a depression and your mind has turned on itself. A guy could only hope for a girl to fight for him like that. She's really fighting for you, but YOU have to seek out help if you want to improve the situation. No way around it.

[ammi00]

I agree with him. Your situation isn't that hopeless; I'm sure it can be helped, as long as you'll get some professional help. Please do that. You do have some issues, but you can't help yourself alone, and your girlfriend can't do that either, because neither of you are specialists. If I were you, I'd tell her to take a break while I'm going through therapy, and after I'm well (or better) she can decide if she wants to get back with me, or not.