Apologizing to an Ex

[mrman256]

So I was with this girl for a while and then we broke up. Because we are both in the same class at university we got on top of each other after the breakup and had a few arguments. It did not end well and I haven't talk to her since last year even though we are in the same class. It's pretty awkward.

I would now like to to apologize to her for some of the things I said. I did act like an idiot at times and can see how I have upset her. I would also like to apologize to clear the air a bit and so I can get on in life.

Problem is it was a while ago since these various incidents. I don't want her to look at it than anything else other than an apology like I'm an ex whose trying to get back with her. I feel as if it could open up a can of worms. Also she is with someone else now and she seems happy so I think she may prefer it if I wasn't in the picture at all even if its an apology.

I do still have some feelings for her but looking logically at the situation and our relationship I think if it was better all left behind. I feel like there is some unfinished business with however it is my gut feeling. I think that apologizing would be the right thing to do as it would provide some sort of ending and I can finally move on. I don't want to get sucked back into it again though.

Any advice?

[ammi00]

If I were you, I would leave it like that. I'd stop tell her anything and I'd act normal (as if she's just someone you know, not your ex, not your friend), without resentments.

[mrman256]

Cheers your probably right. Im quite sad about the situation still but I guess that doesnt really matter in the circumstances.

[ammi00]

I understand you want some closure, but she has moved on and you should do the same, without insisting anymore. I have the felling that if you'd ask her for excuses, she'll be something like "oh, not him again! what didn't he understand? what's up with these excuses? blah blah". You'll only annoy her, that's why I believe you should act from now on, as normal & easy-going as possible, and stop bringing this subject up.

[mrman256]

I'm not goin to make excuses that wouldnt be a real apology yeh thats what I'm afraid of it flaring up again. Thing is when I say I have not anything to lose I mean it. I'm quite tired of the horrid atmosphere I walk into when I go into class and she's there. Its pretty awkward even a year after she won't even say hello to me. All I get is dagger looks. I've tried to be civil, not like start a conversation just be polite, but she doesnt want to play ball. I don't even think I've done much wrong in fairness it could have been far worse and it was 6 of one and half a dozen of the other. It's quite embarrasing among my classmates. I'm just trying to be grown up and clear the air and I'm willing to swallow my pride to do it.

Reading over what I've read I shouldn't even bother but for some reason I can't seem to push it or her out of my mind and I'm quite frankly tired of it and I want a way out.

[Zabrinah]

Awwww, I want to applaud you for seeing that you were wrong and wanting to apologize. That takes a WHOLE LOT of self-awareness to see that you may have said something wrong, and want to correct your mistakes. That means you learned the experience. So, you should be very proud!

I don't know. It kind of sounds like an apology wouldn't do much if she is set to give you "dagger looks", you know. You might just have to release her from your mind without hostility and without closure. It is natural that it will bother you at first, but I promise, that feeling will fade. Especially because University will not last forever. Do you really think she will be a huge part of your life 5 years from now? If so, then apologize. If not, easily release that nagging feeling.

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Author of the blog: How NOT to Fall In Love

[Gratedwasabi]

People say things they don't mean in breakups (or things they mean but normally never would have revealed.) It's par for the course, no need to call a foul on yourself. Maybe if it's a situation where you're genuinely trying to remain friends, sure, but that doesn't seem the case. Move on, no foul.

[mrman256]

Thanks for you responses guys. And Zabrinah, its probably because I have to sit about 10ft away from her every other day thats she's still in my head. I been with other girls since her and its been a year which is why I'm still surprised I'm that bothered. Thanks again.