How long would you wait for a proposal?

[EnjoyingLife]

How long would you wait for a proposal? I will turn 32 this week, he is 38 and lived together 2yrs. We have been together just over 4yrs. It was a LDR for the first 2yrs. He says that he wants to spend his life with me but it seems he may continue to 'say' these things but never actually take action. I brought this issue up over 1yr ago to ensure we weren't wasting each other's time and he still hasn't even taken me shopping to see what styles of rings I might like and obviously hasn't taken action and proposed. How do you know if someone is stalling or they are actually planning to propose one day? I would appreciate some advice, as my head can't seem to think clearly about this anymore and I can't just go with the flow as I used to (I am not getting any younger)!

In saying this, marriage is scary to me so I feel I need to be with somebody that wants to get married and will take ACTION to marry me, as I may need a gentle push to get married. I don't like to do anything unless I know a person definitely wants to do it with me. I am even like this with friends or meeting new people (if they dislike me I immediately avoid them).

Thanks!

[Boisdevie]

Why do you feel this need to be married? In this day and age plenty of people live together and are perfectly happy.

[Gratedwasabi]

From a man's viewpoint, we're masters of sensing negative energy from women. It's something we develop very early on in dating. It's the reason negative women, gorgeous or not, don't get calls after first dates. It's also why we wait a year to say the L word, wait for the woman to bring up moving in together, and lastly, and most importantly for you, stall on proposing.

If you're scared of getting married, I almost guarantee you he feels it and won't propose to you until you get over it. Now, could he be stalling/terrified of commitment/whatever? Sure. But he's also scared of asking because he feels you're scared of getting married. You need a push? Cool. So does he. If you're looking to be subtle about it, give him indications. "Did you see ___'s wedding ring? It's so gorgeous!" or during a jewelry commercial "oh my god, look at that ring! It's beautiful!" or "Don't so and so (married couple) look so happy together?" Us men might not be clever but we're well-seasoned in woman talk and he'll get the message that you're ready for it. Then give him a couple months and see what happens.

Guys are big chickens, don't'cha know this?

[VincenzoG91]

Don't think of marriage as the finish line to a race, think of it as just another step along the path of your life. If it happens, it happens. Don't force it, because then you might find yourself married to the wrong guy.

[Iliveinoblivion]

Enjoy every moment of your relationship regardless of the lenght. All you have right now is only this one moment.
Why do I say this? Because it doesn´t matter if you´re married or not: If he feels good with you and you project out feeling good with him, a paper will not change it. I know it´s many women´s dream to walk down the aisle dressed in white but, for a moment don´t forget that this dream is what causes many people to get frustrated, to lead a life of frustration if it doesn´t happen. They get so pressured before their peers that discard the most important which is: Being happy when you have someone great in your life.
In the other hand, Life is comprised of cycles. Cycles of death, loss, suffering and cycles of happinnes and joy. Enjoy the cycle in which you´re right now. Build a world inside of you that will always shelter you during the cycles of loss. Movies tell us all the time Life is wonderful when we´re married but rarely depict a divorce process. The only way to get divorced is to get married.
What it really count are the actions. Value yourself and demand respect from him and in return enjoy his presence every second of the day. What happens tomorrow is of no importance at all until you´re actually living tomorrow´s day.

P.s. By the way, I never been married so I´m sorry for giving you my opinion but I´m only trying to help because I´ve known plenty about loss and I´ve realized the best is to enjoy TODAY, to enjoy today with the beloved one and that´s it. Tomorrow, you will still be with your wonderful world inside, with your shelter and home. Projecting confidence in yourself will make you stronger and...more attractive as well.

[EnjoyingLife]

To Gratedwasabi, if a man feels their gf is negative then they shouldn't string them along and stay with them. Rather than be weak and wait for the girl to bring up the L word, moving in together as you suggested they should break up with them if it's not what they want. They shouldn't continue to say they want to spend their life with them! You have given good advice though re: negativity and a man being scared if he feels his gf is not ready. I've had a whinge about the fact that he hasn't taken me to look at styles of rings and then he will bring it up a month later. I'm not happy with this, as it feels he just brings it up because I said something! When my partner wants something I have seen how organised he is so I guess he just doesn't want it right now otherwise there wouldn't be much talk, just action!

To VincenzoG91, I agree with if it happens, it happens but due to my age (having children) I need to know if I am with someone that will continue to talk with no action and be in the same situation in a year. Not sure if I am making sense but I basically need to know he is not stalling so that when I am ready he hasn't been bs me this whole time. I also think that if someone is not ready to marry you within 4-5yrs at our ages then they are not scared of marriage, they just don't really want to marry the person they are with.

To Iliveinoblivion, I agree to live in the moment but I am a big planner otherwise I feel down if I don't know where I am headed in all aspects of life. I am very against time wasters! It's true about friends. I always have friends asking me now, especially when my partner and I go away "where's the ring", "you need a bit of spark in your relationship so he needs to propose", "when do you think he will propose". Being my age, I feel that people don't think you're loved unless your partner has proposed. I am quite surprised how this affects me and makes me feel inadequate, as I'm normally a very confident person who is successful and isn't bothered by what people think of what I do with my life.

Thanks for the responses!