From Heaven to Hell - Help!

[LilBang]

We've been together for 1 year and a half now...

Before we were together I was in another situation and he had just gotten out of one himself.... I wasn't in a position to be in a relationship but he made it VERY clear he was into me -- this went on for a year and we hung out as friends every few weeks... after my break up he did EVERYTHING he could to win me over ... flowers all the time... msgs telling me how many ways he liked me... telling me to give him the chance and he would treat me like a queen etc etc.... he would have walked on fire to be with me.

When we had both fully walked away from our past relationships we went home together one night and have been together since. At the beginning he was the BIGGEST gentlemen... we had sex 3 times a day .... and he took every opportunity to make sweet little gestures to prove to me how he felt.

Then it was like as soon as he knew he had totally won my heart ... he quit trying.....

I had to go on and off the pill as it was causing me some emotional issues which led to some fighting between us.
And he has a big stressful situation in his life going on that is also a big issue in all of this.

Since then he has not been into me at all - he gets home from work turns on the TV until 11 pm and falls asleep on the couch... if we do go up to bed he watches the news in bed and falls asleep..... he used to light candles and we would make love... i keep trying to make time or effort for us to be in an intimate situation like relax in the bath or give each other massages and he just turns them down - If i try to cuddle with him on the couch he says its uncomfortable... (how can he say that when he used to love me lying on his lap) - We went from having sex 3 times a day to 1 time every time days.

THIS IS NOT HOW HE WAS BEFORE!! If it was I would say its my fault for getting into it when I knew he was like that.

When he gets home from work he asks me nothing about my day... I could have been doing ANYTHING he would have had no idea and I'm not even sure he would care

When I do try to talk to him about it he blames it all on me and does not want to talk. It's always "Just shut up or go sleep in the other room"

I"m past my breaking point... now when we are together i'm so frustrated that when i'm in the situation i'm mad no matter what... I don't believe breaks but the more time we spend together like this our fights are going to get so bad I don't think we will ever have a future

HELP

[Frankston]

sounds horrible. the fact that he responds in such a rude way when u try to bring it up compounds the problem. write him a letter??

[Zabrinah]

This is an awful situation that you're in. At least, I am happy that you recognize that it is NOT your fault at all. He came after you and you gave him your heart, now it seems that he doesn't want you. I think you need to find a way to successfully communicate how you are feeling. And then, if he still doesn't want to listen, acknowledge your feelings, and make some adjustments, then you have to leave, because it is not a healthy relationship. This is not good for your health to stay with someone who doesn't treat you with the utmost respect that you deserve!

He sounds just like a guy who likes the chase. You were unavailable while he was after you, but now that you are together, he does not appreciate the gem that you are! In my opinion, you have done everything that you can--more than enough. Now, it is time to be serious, even though it will hurt you too (and it isn't fair).

Hope that helped!

[Kama]

There are so many fishes in the pond. Throw a fishing hook.Life is very short and do not wait for someone who does not take care of you. You can find someone who really does.

The world is too big and all you need to do is expore and you will arrive at the one who is emotionally perfect and keep you happy.

I think if anyone wastes the time avaialble is a fool and enjoy every second you have.

You want love, romance and sex and you are the one who should seek and if not with him wth someone else

[reeba]

Some guys like the chase/hunt. Now he has you, the excitement is gone. Not only that, it appears he really has you......you live with him right? In the old days, the term was 'common law wife'. He is now stuck with basically a wife. I wish people didn't take living together so casually. It has lots of complications.

First DO NOT WRITE A LETTER!!! If we took a poll guys would say how much they hate that. Most people are lousy writers and readers. You can't communicate in a letter.

Second. Talk to him. Find out what is the matter. Don't be shy, ask him point blank. What did he mean by '...it is your fault for getting into it since you knew what he was like' So what was/is he like?

Third. Women stay with men hoping they will change. Men stay with women hoping that they will never change.