breaking up!

[Antonius]

We are breaking up!

we are a fresh couple... started of as a long distance relationship. I came from Holland and she lives in Canada..

atm we are living in Canada... in a big house.. it is needed cause she has 4 kids... recently we invited some people to live with us (renting a room) the people are a lady and her 3 year old daughter plus a 21 year old girl...

I know my girl now for 2 and a half year.... with so many people in our house it's not easy to have a private time with my girl..

our problem is:

My behaviour and my money....

I have problems with my bank I can't seem to get that much money from my bank (ING/BMO) I need to figure out what's wrong...this has been going on for a year now...

My behaviour is because of the lack of attention from her towards me.. We have a house full of people.. 3 daughters and one son plus 3 guests and then me and my girl... that makes 9... and everyone needs there attention.. I know it's not easy for her... but all I'm asking (or try to ask.. I aproach her carefully cause I don't wanna hurt her feelings) is so now and then a spontanuous talk or a night out... just a little being together.. but she does not understand that or does not want to understand that.. or she can't do a thing about it... it's difficult with 9 people in the house...

I have sometimes my burst outs what she doesn't like.. (I understand) just because the lack of attention ...our private moments... it's like she ignore's me ...or am I wrong? I don't know... I struggle alot...

after a burst out I feel bad and she is upset and sad... I want to solve it then with a talk but she refusses and ignores me...

atm it bothers me alot that we never fought for our relationship ...if there was an argue we ignored each other...waited a few days and we were good again.. until the next argue... I wish I could turn back time... and now she is breaking up with me just like that...I have to go back to Holland starting all over again... a new house, new furniture, everything a house needs... I still have heavy stuff here in Canada what has to be transported to Holland... did I mentioned paperwork in Holland? got to find me a job aswell...

[devonbrown]

I am sorry, but after reading your story I am not sure what your question is or what type of advice you are seeking. You two broke up and you acknowledge it is because of your uncontrolled anger towards her. And you say that you realize that you do those things right after you do them. But you didn't try to find ways to not do them? The work on the relationship which you are saying didn't occur, should have occurred, at least on your end, the very moment you realized you were hurting her and making her unhappy.
I understand having a lot of people under one roof is stressful, but it is the situation you signed on for.
As for your money situation, figure that out with the bank as soon as possible, because if you have to leave, you need to be able to bring your assets with you.

[Antonius]

I just needed a listening ear or perhaps some tips. when we moved from Mississauga to Barrie (where we lived for 2 years) alot of things has changed. we rented out some rooms and the house became full 24 hours a day, back In Mississauga we had alot of family and friends over aswell.... but this time in Barrie it was different. the lack of private time with her became less much more less. I tried to deal with it, cause 9 people in one house? ofcource it's busy. the lady who moved in with us and her 3 year old daughter(she rented a room) is very much involved in the family.. she talks alot and does alot.. that's okay but again where is 'our' time...

I realized always I hurted her or made her upset after an argue.. why did I those things over and over again? I just don't know... maybe because there were to many situations to be upset about... day in day out.. I tried to deal with it and swallow it... cause I know it isn't nice to be upset or to walk around being grumpy or moody towards her... I'm not that a talker, you can see it on my face expressions when I'm in a mood.. trying to hide my little anger or upsetness.. then after a while I burst or not burst...

I had many times that I was easy ...and dealed with everything. then I thought to myself 'why don't I do this everytime, just being easy and calm?