I need your help boys! :)

[quart]

SHORT VERSION

My ex and i had a solid relationship for a year. We are long distance but planning on me moving to his location for an internship this summer, and we both have no problems moving on a more permanete basis later on. A month ago we got into a stupid arguement, and didnt talk for a couple days. When he was finally ready to talk he says he wants to break up and he is moving to australia for work. When less than a week before he is giving me his CC #, wants to take me to look for internships in his city, says how we need to see each other more. I've been up twice to see him in the past month, after the first time he ignored me for 3wks except for calling me twice(a week apart) and texting me once. Both times he called were while i was at work so i couldnt talk. But he wouldnt communicate with me about find a time for us to talk. And I told him over and over if we didnt I was coming back up. So if he didnt want me to come he had THREE WEEKS to talk to me.

Both times when I to see him, everything seemed normal, he still did all the sweet little things he always does (paragragh 2 and 3). The first time i was too scared to bring up the relationship status, the second time I did and he confirmed that we was moving and we needed to break up (paragraph 3). I feel like a lot of it has to do with him being not ready to get married (im not either), and feels like if I went with him to australia it would seal the deal and he might feel trapped. The thing is, its a really good opportunity for me and my career as well. I'm trying to figure out if there is still a chance for us, or if im being blind by thinking there is. And if there is a chance and he is just being stubborn, how I should go about opening him up. We decided to not talk for a month and then be friends or see where we are in a month, his idea. Idk what to think. When we do talk I want to know how to approach him about trying to make it work without pressuring him.

END OF SHORT VERSION



I need help figuring out whats going on with my ex. We met online, he's 28 and i'm 21, we've been together for over a year. We are long distance as well, he lives in canada, I live in texas. Good part is my parents work for the airlines so I fly free, and go up to see him for a couple days once or twice a month. He has a GREAT job, is financially stable and has his life completely together, but he is also taking classes to enter a new field. I'm finishing up my degree and will be done next Dec. Neither of us has had any problem with moving once I graduate. He always takes me out to family events, company events, out with this friends, and he's come down to stay with my family. I've had doubts throughout the relationship about whether it will work, but thats my own fault and my own insecurities, he's always fought so hard to keep me and reassure me that eveything will be ok and how much he cares about me.

About a month ago when I want to see him, everything was great but when i got home we got into a stupid arguement and we didnt talk for a couple days and when he is finally ready to talk he says he wants to break up and that he is moving to australia for work. I was in complete shock because he has never ever wanted to break up, I thought we'd talk it out and everything would be ok. So I flew up there 2 days later and he surprised me and picked me up at the airport even tho he said he wouldnt. There was some tension, but he still was doing all the sweet little caring things he always does. Like, calling me pet names, not being able to keep his hands off me, its freezing there so before we went outside he's saying I need a hat and i'm saying no its ok i'll be fine but he insists i need one and he'll get me one of his. Just little stuff like that, that he does to take care of me. We didnt really have much time since I was there for less than 24hrs and I was too scared to bring anything up. But I left feeling positive, and he promised we'd talk.

But then the next day went back to ignoring me. I wrote him some emails and texted him once or twice a day, saying goodnight, or good luck at your hockey game, stuff like that. Finally he called me but at a time he knew I would be working, and then went back to ignoring me for a week and then called me again while i was at work. The next week I went back up there, and I told him for 3 weeks that i was coming, that we needed to talk, if he didnt want me to come then we needed to talk, which is what I told him the first time but he would never call me. So I know he wanted me to come or he wouldve just talked to me on the phone.

This time things were even better than the first time. Still doing little things like buying me a candy bar when he ran out to the store, singing me love songs, calling me pet names, wanting massages etc. To me it seems like if he didnt have feelings for me he would be giving me a cold shoulder, not being all lovey and cutesy. This time I did get the courage to talk, and apparently he really is moving to australia, and still thinks we should break up. He says its a really good opportunity, which it is, and he's "28 and has never lived overseas and he prob wont ever be able to again unless he does it now" blah blah. Fine, I get it, I agree with him but I don't understand why he wants to break up. We always go a month or so w/o seeing each other, he leaves in Jan I can come visit for 2 wks in march and them move there with him in may and do my internship there over the summer. Its not really a longer time span to go w/o each other than we normally do, and I dont get why he'd want to throw away a years relationship that we've both worked so hard for and made sacrifices for when we're only like 5 months away from finally being able to live in the same place.

I mean 5 days before he said he wanted to break up and move, he was saying how much we need to see each other more, and giving me his credit card # so I could get wifi in the airport, and saying that while im up there he wants to take me to places to find out about internships so i can move there. and then BAM 5 days later, lets break up and i'm moving to another country. He is NOT good at expressing himself emotionally, he basically likes to pretend he doesnt have emotions. But I KNOW he loves me, unless im just retarded and thers another reason for him doing all the things he does for me even when he "wants" to break up. And continuing a serious year relationship with a girl in another country if he didnt. And he's managed to tell me he loves me a couple times which I know was excruiating for him. He wont tell me but i'm sure he's been through a bad break up and doesnt like being vulnerable and having someone else have so much control over his emotions scares him.


But I feel like he is making a HUGE mistake and I don't how or if I can get him to reconsider trying to make it work. All of his friends are recently married or engaged and one of his friends is also going to australia for the job and is having a shot gun wedding so that his fiance can go with him. And I know my bf isnt ready for that, which i'm not either so i feel like maybe its that he is scared for me to go with him because its a huge step and i think he feels it might seal the deal and he'd feel trapped. He says he has not taken opportunities in the past because of relationships, and some of his friends cant go because of they have wives/gfs that wont go with them. so he wants to do this cause it is his last chance and he doesnt want strings attached. But he has always told me being with me is the happiest he has ever been in a relationship, and he's never been in love before, and i'm everything he wants, and how he gets depressed when he is single. When we met i wasnt looking for a relationship, i was focusing on school and my career, he was looking for a serious relationship. So i don't understand what has changed, if he is just scared and has forgotten how miserable he was before me.

The thing is going there would be good for my career too, so its a win win, i'm not blindly following him there. We agreed that we'd not talk for a month and then a little before he leaves we'll talk. But i've asked if he thinks he'll want to take it slow and in jan see if maybe in march he'll want me to come visit and then go from there and see if he wants me to come in may. But he says no, its not fair to me to wait around for him. Idk if thats BS tho. who knows. i guess he doesnt get thats what people do for people they love. Anyways, when we talk in a couple weeks I want to bring up us staying in touch and me possibly coming in march but im terrified, and dont know how to approach the subject. So what do you guys think? Does he still have feelings for me? Is he scared? is he feeding me BS? I tried to cover everything to avoid needing to give additional details, but if you have questions let me know!

THANKS SOOOOO SOOO MUCH FOR YOUR HELP!

[Sonrisa]

short version please?

[YouAreBeautiful]

Hi quart. I have to agree, you will get more high quality responses if you cut your post length at least by half. My thoughts are if he's willing to throw away a 1-year relationship that has made him happier than any prior relationship, he says he loves you, and is depressed when alone, there is something going on besides just moving making him want to end it. I think you may have been looking for someone to confirm that you weren't jumping ahead of yourself by thinking that someone else is wrong. would suggest being more direct in asking him what exactly is up.

[Lineofsight]

I don't understand he wants to break up because Australia is too far away for you? So if you tell him you want to move there he would maybe change his mind?

The long distance really makes it hard to see eachother when you need to, this way the relationship is more like agenda based dating.

Feelings don't have a schedule, sometimes you need that someone to be there for you not on the phone or in the mail but for a hug or a kiss.

Your sacrificing your heart and your life for him but your unsure if he really wants to permanently and consistently love you or live with you.

If the girl of my dreams would finally be able to move to my city I would not think a second about an Australia opportunity without that girl.

I think you have to reconsider loving someone who is unable to give you the attention and care you give him. Long distance only works when your both working towards eventually moving closer together.

I don't think a girl can really open a man up, or change one to act differently in a relationship, you can only hint or make him think about it but he has to change himself, you can't do that for him.

just my 2 cents

[quart]

I understand all that, I really do. I wouldnt be fighting so hard for him if he didnt deserve me. But im just having a hard time believing he could flip the switch that quickly. Before we got into a fight, I missed my flight so he spent all morning at work tracking my flight till it blocked him and then he left work early to run home and buy me a $400 one way ticket from where i was stuck to his city just so i wouldnt have to sit in the airport for 9hrs and could be there 4 hours earlier. I turned him down and said I'd wait it out, and he gave me his CC # so I could get wifi and not be bored even tho I said its ok. He kept saying how we need to see each other more and that he wants to help me find and internship there while i was there that weekend. And then I leave and 5 days later he wants to break up and move to australia? I feel like theres no way someone could go from caring that much and being that dedicated to not wanting to be with me anymore. I feel like he was really hurt when he made that decision, and now he is just being stubborn about it. maybe its just wishful thinking though...

[Ryan Heitzman]

Boy. I wouldn't want to read the long version.

[shiro]

SHORT VERSION

My ex and i had a solid relationship for a year. We are long distance but planning on me moving to his location for an internship this summer, and we both have no problems moving on a more permanete basis later on. A month ago we got into a stupid arguement, and didnt talk for a couple days. When he was finally ready to talk he says he wants to break up and he is moving to australia for work. When less than a week before he is giving me his CC #, wants to take me to look for internships in his city, says how we need to see each other more. I've been up twice to see him in the past month, after the first time he ignored me for 3wks except for calling me twice(a week apart) and texting me once. Both times he called were while i was at work so i couldnt talk. But he wouldnt communicate with me about find a time for us to talk. And I told him over and over if we didnt I was coming back up. So if he didnt want me to come he had THREE WEEKS to talk to me.

Both times when I to see him, everything seemed normal, he still did all the sweet little things he always does (paragragh 2 and 3). The first time i was too scared to bring up the relationship status, the second time I did and he confirmed that we was moving and we needed to break up (paragraph 3). I feel like a lot of it has to do with him being not ready to get married (im not either), and feels like if I went with him to australia it would seal the deal and he might feel trapped. The thing is, its a really good opportunity for me and my career as well. I'm trying to figure out if there is still a chance for us, or if im being blind by thinking there is. And if there is a chance and he is just being stubborn, how I should go about opening him up. We decided to not talk for a month and then be friends or see where we are in a month, his idea. Idk what to think. When we do talk I want to know how to approach him about trying to make it work without pressuring him.

END OF SHORT VERSION

Your short version is still pretty long lol. Well about your problem, what you should do. I think it is best to give up on him. I bet he still has feelings for you but these kind of decision are made after guys think about it for a long time. I am sorry to say but this is the end of this relationship.