I need some advice.
I was in a relationship with my ex for 4 years...and we were engaged. Eventually I started to think that he might have a problem. At first it was small things and then escalated into much bigger things. Turned out he was a porn addict and sex addict. He would continuously lie to me about everything. My self esteem was so low because of the porn and other girls. I eventually left him after I found out he was having an online relationship with another woman for 2 months.
I was in therapy for awhile to get over that relationship. I've come along way with working on myself. I decided after a certain amount of time that I was ready to pursue try pursuing another relationship even though I know it would be difficult due to my trust issues. I've been with my current boyfriend for two years now. In the beginning of the relationship, I told him everything about my previous relationship and all of the troubles I've had over the years. I told him about all of my issues...and told him that I can't learn to live with pornography. He assured me that I had nothing to worry about...that he hadn't watched pornography in years and that I could trust him. Sometimes I would get anxiety or paranoia because I felt like he was always hiding something when he was on the computer or there were just little signs. He would assure me that he wasn't looking at porn and it was all in my mind. I would even look on his computer and check his history and would find no pornography or anything questionable. Eventually I started to tell myself that it was just my past haunting me and continued going to therapy to try to get over the anxiety and paranoia I was experiencing in my current relationship. My boyfriend continued to encourage me to go to therapy and was always very supportive. However, to my dismay, I recently found pornographic video files on his computer in a separate video viewing program. I confronted him about it and he admitted that he had pretty much been lying to me for the past 2 years. He felt like he couldn't tell me the truth because maybe I woudn't have dated him in the first place or would have broken up with him. He said he never expected me to find out.
I really love him...but I feel like our relationship is built on lies. I continued to feel confident in the relationship because I felt like he was respectful of my feelings and was very supportive all the time. He was always very reassuring that nothing was wrong and he wasn't looking at porn. Now I feel so foolish...like I was kept in the dark for all this time thinking that everything was grand. What should I do about this? He feels very ashamed and guilty and embarrassed. He wants to fix things and change but feels like I should just get rid of him because he feels like I will never be able to trust him again. He says he is willing to go to couple counseling with me to help our relationship. I just don't know if I can handle all of this again. I welcome other people's opinions. I would love some advice from people who have dealt with porn or lying in their relationships. However, if you are going to post something like "Get over it, all men look at porn" then I suggest not even posting. That is not helpful.