Sad, sad Christmas

[SmittenKitten]

I need some opinions please.
This past Christmas was the first one my boyfriend and I shared together. I went out and spent a good amount of money on his gifts, and put some time in thought into them. I got him a new wallet, a gift certificate to his favourite store, a nice expensive sweater, a t shirt, some high quality chocolates, some cute holiday boxers, I wrapped up everything nice, got him a romantic card...basically just put alot of effort and love into it... I don't make alot of money, so I had to start early..put things aside, save my pennies. My boyfriend on the other hand told me he was going on christmas eve to get my gift, didn't have it ready for me when we agreed to exchange gifts...his excuse was " i'm not happy with what i got you, i want to add more things to it"...so I was a little disappointed with that, but it wasn't that big of a deal. So 4 days later...which i'm thinking is plenty of time to get everything together, we get together have dinner out...and he gives me his present after. It was some cheap little necklace, a sun catcher...and apparently a giftcard...that he couldn't find, but he told me it was to hmv...a cd store. I don't even buy or own a single cd, and i've told him that before....

So, at the time...I wasn't rude about it, and...said thank you and all that, but later on I told him I was a unimpressed with the gifts, especially because he had 4 more extra days to get them together, and I know he didn't add anything. He got very angry with me, called me an ungrateful brat, materialistic, a princess, that I had alot of nerve to say that to him, if I want better to go find it because he rather be alone at this point...

I've been very fair with him, giving him chance after chance...and I was really expecting something more this time, especially since we had an upsetting aregument not much longer before..and I pulled through once again.

Am I wrong to be totally unhappy with my gifts? does it make me materialistic that I expected more? I really don't think so, I need some good points to justify my response for when he calls me in a huff later on today

[MerryH]

I'm not sure there's a whole lot you can say to him to justify your reaction to his gifts.

You've got to adjust your attitude about gift giving and receiving. A gift is just that, a gift. Let me show you the Merriam-Webster definition of "gift": something voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation

I bolded the important parts that you should pay attention to. You are not entitled to gifts. You should never expect a gift. When someone gives you something, the right thing to do is be thankful, no matter how crappy you think it is. You are being ungrateful and bratty.

Do you need for him to buy you expensive gifts to prove he cares for you? Do you think having had a big fight previously entitles you to a bigger payout? A relationship isn't about bartering goods. I think you owe your boyfriend an apology.

[SelflessnHumble]

I need some opinions please.
This past Christmas was the first one my boyfriend and I shared together.
I went out and spent a good amount of money on his gifts, and put some time in thought into them. I got him a new wallet, a gift certificate to his favourite store, a nice expensive sweater, a t shirt, some high quality chocolates, some cute holiday boxers, I wrapped up everything nice, got him a romantic card...basically just put alot of effort and love into it...

(1) Expectations KILL relationships, don't ever forget that.
(2) You sound like a women who articulates in detail what she does and what she wants -which is great-

I don't make alot of money, so I had to start early..put things aside, save my pennies. My boyfriend on the other hand told me he was going on christmas eve to get my gift, didn't have it ready for me when we agreed to exchange gifts...his excuse was " i'm not happy with what i got you, i want to add more things to it"...so I was a little disappointed with that, but it wasn't that big of a deal. So 4 days later...which i'm thinking is plenty of time to get everything together, we get together have dinner out...and he gives me his present after. It was some cheap little necklace, a sun catcher...and apparently a giftcard...that he couldn't find, but he told me it was to hmv...a cd store. I don't even buy or own a single cd, and i've told him that before....

There are many things wrong with this.
First off we don't have a good baseline for this guy to accurately asses what he did and why he did it?
I mean does he have a job, a low-income job? Is he materialistic? Does he spend a lot of money on himself?
Has be showered you with gifts in the past? Has he been stingy but has money?
What gifts has he given you and how long have you been seeing him? These all play a role in perception...

At any rate a GIFT is a GIFT.
A gift isn't symbolic of your relationship. Some men suck at gift giving.
You are upset because he didn't put the same effort that you had given in planning, buying and wrapping: Gifts!
I admit that I'm not a great gift giver BUT communication is key in knowing what to buy someone.
Did you two ever sit down and discuss this? This is what I do. This way everything is clear.
Next time (with whoever you're with) Take a picture, print it and cut it out
and put it on the "list." Cut out the pic of what you want from the ads and paste it on the list.

This way the message is concise and he can't make excuses.
A gift should be considered a gift and even though the ghetto necklace he bought you
seems "cheap" perhaps that was all he could afford. However it stands to reason that you
are materialistic yourself and need to humble yourself, especially on Christmas.

This could mean nothing OR it could mean you two aren't meant for each other
because usually this kind of attitude you display seeps out into other faucets of your lives.

He got you a "cheap" little necklace. This makes you sound pretty vain and filled with contempt.
Is he a terrible shopper? Perhaps but how does he shop for his family, friends/himself will tell you
where his intentions lay...I understand how you feel, even though I don't yet agree with hit.

I mean who gets someone a gift card to a place they don't even go to?
More specifically I think gift cards are unthoughtful in general.
They say "I don't care to know what you want so here, buy it yourself!"

So, at the time...I wasn't rude about it, and...said thank you and all that, but later on I told him I was a unimpressed with the gifts, especially because he had 4 more extra days to get them together, and I know he didn't add anything. He got very angry with me, called me an ungrateful brat, materialistic, a princess, that I had alot of nerve to say that to him, if I want better to go find it because he rather be alone at this point...

I've been very fair with him, giving him chance after chance...and I was really expecting something more this time, especially since we had an upsetting aregument not much longer before..and I pulled through once again.(

Two things I see:

(1) You say you were not rude when you told him "thank you" BUT what you say
and how you say it are two different things! You should not have said you were unimpressed.

This DOES make you sound like a princess and this can easily be based on his budget, his income
and how he as a person (as I've previously stated)

Had you said things in a better way he wouldn't have reacted in the way that he did
and YOU just might have received an answer worthy of your highness (j/k)

If you had said, "Hey babe, I appreciate you thinking of me on Christmas and giving me
gifts but I'm having trouble understanding a couple of things...

Why did you buy me a missing gift card to a place where I'd never shop at?
(wait for what he says) Then: I don't own any CD's so wouldn't you see how it's confusing to me?

(2) I see his reaction to what you have told him as an excuse to avoid the truth:

He didn't put any thought nor effort into what you wanted and perhaps he never paid
any attention to what you did want so he bought everything at the last minute because he
is either piss poor with time management, really good at procrastination, OR didn't really care
to put in the time/effort. This should be based on what he is capable of though, and not on your expectations.

Considering his immature reaction I'd go with all of the above.

[Meskazc]

I think that you acted in a very mature fashion, thanking him for the gift that you did not like. I mean, this guy had all the time in the world to ask his friends and family, and even ask you for hints about what sort of gift to get you and he didn't. And then he had 4 extra days, and he gives you a sun catcher (whatever that is) and an unthoughtful "gift card".

You had every right to be honest with him about how you felt about his gift, just as long as you weren't mean about it because he still did get you something. He could just have no idea how to shop for a female (very common) and he might have been to embarrassed to ask anyone for help. Like I said, just be grateful that you got something rather than nothing at all.

He seems immature, and he also seems like he really doesn't give your interests much thought. You scraped your hard earned money together and got him a bunch of great things! It's not all about the gifts obviously, but it is the thought that counts. He clearly put no thought into his gift which might just give you a glimpse of his true character.

I do not think that you are being materialistic. I think that if he had gotten you something thoughtful or nice and you were annoyed with that, then you'd be being a brat. You are justified in feeling how you do right now.

[reeba]

What were you expecting? Nuggets of gold? And my guess is he would have been more than happy to exchange Christmas underwear, chocolates that he will probably give the girls at work, some gay expensive sweater, romantic holiday card that will just end up in the garbage for a good ole fashion blow job.

You went a little overboard with your gift giving. Your first Christmas and you drop more than you can afford on him? You should not have gone so overboard. Did you go that overboard on your family members? I doubt that I would have ever spent more on a boyfriend of 'less than a year' than my own family members.

In general, guys don't like shopping for anything that doesn't involve electronics, motors, or will help them slay fish/deer. If you went to the mall Christmas eve it would probably be at least 2 men for every 1 woman. The reason is because the put off that painful shopping experience, where they have to guess what impractical silly/stupid/shiny trinket their girlfriend will think is cute/pretty/endearing.

And who knows. He probably thought the dream catcher was cool. Maybe he is into that kind of stuff. And then you have the gall to insult his gift? You do owe him an apology and maybe a Christmas BJ.

[Gratedwasabi]

I need some opinions please.
This past Christmas was the first one my boyfriend and I shared together. I went out and spent a good amount of money on his gifts, and put some time in thought into them. I got him a new wallet, a gift certificate to his favourite store, a nice expensive sweater, a t shirt, some high quality chocolates, some cute holiday boxers,

I guarantee you he thought all of those gifts sucked. Guys don't like getting any of those things. You basically gave him what his old, smelly aunts gave him as a kid. And chocolates? And none of those things are the least bit thoughtful. You got him clothes, a gift card, and chocolate. Do you just not know him and picked the most generic possible things or what? If my girlfriend ever got me clothes for my birthday or Christmas, I would be severely disappointed. I'd honestly rather have a horribly drawn sketch of us together or a cheap trinket that is something I like or even a prank gift that made me laugh then all of those things combined.

Now, I'm being rude for a reason. You're judging his gifts when yours, honestly, were pretty bad. Granted, the slacking and losing the gift card are both pretty dumb but judging his gifts is very shallow. More appropriately you would have commented on him being a slacker and not even having the gift card.

I'm impressed he didn't tell you how shitty your gifts were in anger, apparently he doesn't like to be as rude.

[Take2]

I am with GratedWasabi, I was reading that list thinking my boyfriend would have hated every one of those gifts. How long have you two been dating? Maybe you guys just don't know each other well enough to do good gifts yet?

[smackie9]

Well if this is what it has come down to then you two shouldn't be together. He isn't at the level of thoughtfulness that you want him to be at. Your relationship is out of balance, you are not on the same page.....time to say bye bye. Basically he is either
the type that is lazy, hasn't taken the time to get to really know you or romance ain't his thing.

[Alliance]

Sounds like you gave him too much, and him too little.
Your bar was way too high. Never give more than two gifts, not only does it raise your bar, it also diminish the value of the gifts you give after. They become less appreciated.

His gifts sounds very last minute slapped together. Gift cards are generally impressioned as such. We have a few lying around our house to handle "surprise" visitors, lol.

There's nothing wrong with being materialistic. Just dont be too materialistic. I assume if you got something bigger like a sweater it would be ok?

Well, Valentines is coming up in a little over a month, so give him another chance.

[vashti]

Jeez, what a brat you are! Also, I agree with everyone who said you spent too much on crap he probably didn't want or need. Were you trying to BUY his affection?

[Sonrisa]

I must disagree with those who are calling her a brat^^^

I feel the same way as she does. If I have a lot to give (and I do) - I always expect just as much back. If a person can not contribute the same level of thoughfulness then it is not worth my time.
Those who are my age would understand me best. If we were able to give out time and try to make something out of meaningless relationships when we were younger (mainly because we were attracted head over heels), then at this age I am way more picky to whom I give my attention to.

[sarahprincess]

I've had the same thing happen to me before, actually multiple times with my ex. I never said a word, but you get to the point that you just expect it. I got a gold plated necklace once..but just the band, nothing on it. I'm pretty sure he got it from his mother's drawer. Said he couldn't find the 'right pendant' for it. Basically he didn't care. Your bf though..he sounds like he tried..I mean how cheap was this necklace? like one of those 25cent ones?

Next time just ask each other how much you are thinking of spending on the other beforehand.. so you are in the same ballpark. Seems like the best way to handle these situations.

[Sonrisa]

I don't think there's a need to ask him how much they are going to spend. If he cared then he would be the one asking his friends, family, forums for ideas what to get her.

[KingZ]

I feel the same way as she does. If I have a lot to give (and I do) - I always expect just as much back. If a person can not contribute the same level of thoughfulness then it is not worth my time.

Such a primitive mentality.

[Petit Papillon]

It's much more practical to ask people what they would like to have or what they need... REALLY. The first gift I got for my bf was a sweater too... Why? Cause I didn't know him much and I couldn't say what would make him happy. Now I know that games for PS3 are pretty IT ,cause besides he has everything . But if I don't know what to get him... I ask . We aren't kids anymore. It's better to ask and buy something useful instead of doing a "surprise" and buying crap that will not be appreciated.
Back to you. You may have few money, but you sound so materialistic . You're all about the money. " I've spent so much on gifts for him and he got me some chip piece of shit" ... Really , not nice :/ And You care about presents soo much. Jesus. It's nothing as much important ,you know? Especially if you can' t afford it . This year we decided with my bf to not buy any christmas presents cause we got a little tight with the money , what was more important was that we had each other for christmas and didn't have to spend it apart . There are so many bigger problems in life, why bother and do additional drama because of christmas presents , really .

PS. Oh man, and you actually called the thread "Sad sad christmas" ... Buhahahahahahhahahaha