Desperate for advice on a proposal.

[Helpless:)]

I am not usually a person who uses forums however i am quite troubled at the minute and need an outside perspective

I am currently seeing a wonderfull girl who has throughly changed my life, and i wish to propose to her.

My troubles are i am currently an apprentice and not earning nearly enough money to even be thinking of this, however i am more the willing to overlook this. She however comes from a religous family ( I myself not being religous). It has always been an underlying issue as i do not wish to attend church with her family. The next problem i face is asking her father for his blessing, I am worried he won't allow it because of the religous barrier.

Please no comments about how if we are in love we should disobey her father as I am on very good terms with her family and wish to keep it traditional.

[mazdaspeed]

well, considering this religious barrier, clearly there are 2 options: convert to their religion and ask the father in the hopes that he will see your conversion as somewhat of an act of good faith, or just plainly and confidently approach him and ask for his blessing in your marriage, NOT bringing up the issue of religion. (at which point if he asks about the religious barrier, you can do one of 2 things: tell him that it is against your personal values to convert simply for a marriage, and then build a case that confidence, financial stability, and respect is irrespective of secular belief, or ask him what he thinks would be best "for your marriage", at which it seems like you are saying he would like you to belong to a faith)

[Lipp]

Already being on very good terms with her folks should be a pretty solid indicator of that they're accepting of you - if they weren't you'd definitely notice it in their demeanour, as they would be skeptical of your relationship with their daughter.

Sometimes the problem is value-based - christians generally favor other christians as they are assumed to share a set of values - but this is usually overcome if you prove yourself to be of good character and over time.
A tougher one would be that many also find shared spirituality to be a core part of a successful marriage - indicators can help to identify this, but I'm not sure if you'd ever really know her dad's final opinion about it unless you ask. And if it is an issue it won't go away unless you guys can have a sensible discussion about it, so really, I'd say go for it and continue from there.

[sookie6]

I've seen many religious beliefs crumble down at the prospect of money. If you can improve your financial situation and offer a comfortable life to their daughter they will happily drop the religious issue...full stop.

[twinrexes]

I married a devout Catholic even though I'm not religious. It was enough for his parents that I was "spiritual" and willing to marry him in a Catholic church. We are also raising our son Catholic. Or rather, hubby is. And he doesn't pressure me about going to church. As for the money, that will come. For now you can get a simple engagement ring and promise an upgrade in the future (lots of good deals on eBay btw). Some food for thought, anyway.

[SelflessnHumble]

I am not usually a person who uses forums however i am quite troubled at the minute and need an outside perspective

I am currently seeing a wonderfull girl who has throughly changed my life, and i wish to propose to her.

My troubles are i am currently an apprentice and not earning nearly enough money to even be thinking of this, however i am more the willing to overlook this. She however comes from a religous family ( I myself not being religous). It has always been an underlying issue as i do not wish to attend church with her family. The next problem i face is asking her father for his blessing, I am worried he won't allow it because of the religous barrier.

Please no comments about how if we are in love we should disobey her father as I am on very good terms with her family and wish to keep it traditional.

Let me just attempt to explain the way it works on an (public) internet forum...
You give us the scenario and we give advice. If you don't wish to take it, fine.
Overlook what you don't accept or agree with.

She cannot be that wonderful IF you refuse to exercise tolerance nor show respect
for HER and her families traditions. No one said you have to be "religious" in order to demonstrate
your willingness to accept her families culture. You unwillingness demonstrates the polar opposite.

What you don't seem to realize is that once you make your intentions known:
You won't have to want to disobey her father. HE will simply make it known
of his disapproval of your lack of "faith." (No matter if it is right or wrong)

What is VERY ironic is that in order to be married you MUST (traditionally) make vows to each other:
In the house of God!!!! So you are essentially saying you will go to church to take her hand in marriage...
but not for any other reason...A contradiction? Her parents will think so. I do too as well as deem it selfish.
(and btw, I'm not "religious" either)

If you do NOT have the security that a woman requires then you are NOT ready for marriage
nor a commitment because if you didn't know: Commitment (marriage even more so) is about sacrifice.

Selflessness, humility, patience and understanding are paramount in a any relationship.

If you had a daughter that had a relationship with a selfish man
and who didn't have "faith" NOR the fortitude to demonstrate respect in order
to compromise for the sake of her family (which is very important to her) would
you give your blessing?

Oh, never mind I forgot...
You cannot ask for a blessing, when one cannot be given (since you don't believe)

Make sense?