My Teenage Dream

[atodd]

I have had an on-going relationship of sorts with this guy (let's call him John) for over five years now. It started when I was a freshman in high school and he asked me to our school's Christmas dance. Of course, I was still fourteen years old at the time and John was already eighteen, so my mom only allowed me to meet up with him at the dance. Nonetheless, after that night I was smitten.

Besides intense chemistry and sexual tension (that was noticed by all), nothing ever happened between us that year. On his graduation night, however, I gave him a letter that I had written describing my feelings and how much I liked him, etc, etc (so cliche). He politely sent me a message back telling me that he thought I was beautiful, but that we couldn't date because he was going off to college and he was one of my brother's closest friends (I failed to mention that). He promised that we would remain friends, and that it wouldn't be awkward.

John kept his promise. Throughout my high school career and his college life thus far, we have remained friends. We've had varying degrees of contact and always talk for a while when we run into each other over breaks. The chemistry is unyielding. For the past year and a half or so, John and I both experienced our first real relationship. I started dating a guy a year younger than me right after graduation, and we stayed together all through my freshman year. We recently broke up due to extreme immaturity issues on his part (including cheating), and I was heartbroken. John had a very similar experience with a girl his own age at his college. She also broke up with him, and he is just now deciding that he's tired of being in her back pocket and wants to move on.

Throughout each of our break ups, we've texted each other words of encouragement. He was very sweet with his advice and checkups. It was only towards the end of this semester that John randomly started to be a little flirty with his texts. I shrugged them off at first because I knew that he was lonely and bored during exam time. But, then, I couldn't help myself, and I reciprocated. We texted a lot up until break started. Then, a little bit into our break, I was with my brother and some of my friends, and I saw John at a bar in our hometown. I pretended not to notice him when I walked by, but he slid his arm around me and said hello. We talked a lot at the bar that night, and then my brother and his girlfriend wanted to go home, so I stayed and told John he had to take me home. We ended up going to another bar where his older sister was bar-tending and talked more. Nothing happened; he took me home and thanked me for hanging out with him.

On New Years Eve, one of my best friends came in town to see me. We ended up staying in town for all of the festivities that night. We went to this one bar, and it ended up that there was only an older crowd, so I called John to see what he and his friends were up to. They were at a bar close by, and he said they were also lonely, so we stopped by. He was with two other guys (who are also good friends of my brother's), and we all just talked and drank. When it came time for a New Years kiss, I was sincerely hoping he would kiss me (because we had an incident in New Orleans two years prior where he just kissed my cheek for a solid 30 seconds), but he didn't. We were all sitting in a booth, so it would've been awkward. Apparently his friends kept telling my friend that our "thing" had been going on for over five years, and everyone knew. They wished we'd just cut the crap, and John and his friend kept taking bathroom breaks for "pep talks." He was really sweet and flirty the whole night. He bought me champagne, jested about my ex, touched my leg, teased me, asked me to dance (while he pressed his forehead against mine and looked into my eyes), etc. His friends told my friend that he was just shy and bad with girls.

John ended up suggesting that we all walk down to the pier to talk more. We walked side by side and talked for a long time. We brought up young marriages from our old high school, and he talked about how crazy it was that he's approaching that age. He even threw in there that most guys are at least three years older than their wives (our age difference). I was cold, and he joked that he'd offer me his jacket if I had one. Since our friends were scheming the whole time, they suggested that we go back to this other guy's house, drink a few beers, and watch a movie. It was really late (but this night was already outdoing any fourteen year-old fantasy I had ever created), so I agreed.

We went up to the TV room, and John and I sat by each other on a small couch. He put his hand on my leg and leaned my head on his shoulder. We all watched this comedy for a while. Then, I got up to use the bathroom, and by the time I came back, everyone but John had left. He was just like, "Uh, I guess they didn't want to watch the movie anymore" (with a smirk). He's so cute. I sat down and propped my legs up on him. Then, my mom calls and tells me we need to come home (it's 4 AM). That gives him the push to make his move. John kisses me and we proceed to kiss for a while--until I remember that we need to go home. MADE MY YEAR! He looked so genuinely ecstatic to be with me, said I was beautiful, and kept asking me "Is this OK?," until I told him that I was MORE than OK. Five years of sexual tension were somewhat released.

The Problem: John and my brother are both still very close. My mom is very in tune with me and guessed that we had spent our evening with John. She also guessed that something happened between us, and she keeps bringing John's name up and making jabs at me about him in front of my brother. My brother told me recently that he's sure something happened between us, but that it was none of his concern. That doesn't keep him from also making jabs about him to me in front of my mom. My mom keeps repeating that she likes John, but that he is not for me and that she doesn't want me to get hung up on him. She even goes as far to say that if his ex called him up right now to get back together, that he would. Also, he's a music production major and she doesn't think that he has much of a future ahead of him. None of this matters so much to me. I mean, I told myself that if I could ever just kiss John, that that would be enough. Wrong.

After New Years Eve night, I've been the first to text John each time. Granted, I'm not very patient (working on that), and I never really gave him time to text first. My plan is to not text him (for one, hoping he'll contact me) before this weekend. John and I both leave next Tuesday to go back to our respective colleges. My family is going out of town this Saturday. My plan is to have him come over here sometime before we leave. Of course, my helicopter mom has already mentioned that I can't have boys over--even my brothers' friends (hint hint).

The thing is, I'm not sure what I want out of this. I'm also not sure what John is wanting out of this. I kind of just want to see where it goes and what happens. He was acting VERY couple-y New Years Eve night, but he has also not contacted me very much since then. I'm scared that my mom or brother could potentially scare him off before we even have a hold on what is happening. I know there are a lot of things against us. However, this has been going on for over five years. That must mean something, right? I just want more!

My point with all of this is: What do you think he thinks of me? I know it might be hard to judge from this synopsis of the past five years. But, do you think there might be potential here? Do you think New Years Eve night mean anything? Or, should I just give this up?

I guess, If nothing else, I finally got affirmation from our kiss, and I know that even with a lot of awkwardness, our friendship can be resilient.

Thoughts??

[Gratedwasabi]

I think you two are not children any more (well, you are a bit but 19 and 23 isn't a bad difference) and should grow up and go on an actual date. Not a bar, not with friends, you and him. And I think you need to be the one to bring it up.

If you want to see what's there, and it sounds like it could be a lot, you need to get a bit of courage and tell him he needs to take you out somewhere; just the two of you.

Unless you live with your mother, it's really none of her business and your brother doesn't sound opposed. Go for it.

You both need to get over your ridiculous shyness and try dating. It sounds like this is what everyone around you thinks, too.

[atodd]

Thank you for your reply! I know it was rather long.
In the past, he's told me things like he didn't want to lead me on, etc. But, I feel like recent events would suggest that he's not worried about that anymore...hah.
Perhaps the timing is better because we're both in college (he's about to graduate as a fifth year senior, and I'm a sophomore), and we're no longer in relationships anymore. I mean, I understand that neither of us should be rushing into anything serious so soon. I guess it's just the sap in me who is hoping for something to come out of this.
I'm worried that I'll seem pathetic by telling him we should go on a date (like maybe the other night was a purely physical/in the moment type deal). Sure, our friendship wasn't affected by my crush in the past, but I would hate for that to change. :/
As a guy, do you think he's given me enough signals for any advances by me to be warranted??
Thanks, again!

[Gratedwasabi]

As a guy, do you think he's given me enough signals for any advances by me to be warranted??
Thanks, again!

He's pretty much blown fireworks up in your face, hun. Granted, he's a shy dude but yeah, he's been flagging you down for a while.

He was probably worried about the age and the relationships, respectively, in the past but you've got the all clear now.

Don't tell him you SHOULD go on a date, tell him you ARE going on a date. Trust me.

[atodd]

Ahhh, ok. I just might.
So, just to re-affirm... I should not be alarmed that he hasn't really gone out of his way to contact me since the other night?

[shadowMike4d4]

He probably just thinks you're busy, patience is a problem I myself deal with and it sucks.

If he doesn't respond in another day or so text him and just say "What's up? =)"

I'm a bit jealous, wish I had a girl be CONSISTENTLY into me that long, but everything happens for a reason I believe. Ignore your mom, not all parents know best.


Of course if your mom is one of those types where everything she's told you would be a bad idea has turned out to be just so, DON'T go along with it...Now if she liked your cheating ex in the beginning GO AHEAD! She's obviously a bad judge of what's right for you if she did. =)

[Gratedwasabi]

Ahhh, ok. I just might.
So, just to re-affirm... I should not be alarmed that he hasn't really gone out of his way to contact me since the other night?

No, it's a guy thing. He's playing hard to get. That's how we do it, we don't text/call you. Hard, huh?

[MerryH]

So, just to re-affirm... I should not be alarmed that he hasn't really gone out of his way to contact me since the other night?

You said you haven't really given him the opportunity to initiate contact, so it's too soon to worry about this. He's responding, right? If not, then maybe worry. But if he seems to be enjoying your conversations, then you're golden.

Cute story. I hope it works out for you.

[Boisdevie]

Take him out on a date - just the two of you. And don'[t just kiss - get it on.

[atodd]

Thanks for yalls responses!

My plan: wait until Friday night(?) to contact John and tell him that we're going out to eat Saturday night and going to rent a movie...since my family left me here alone. I may tell him to bring his swim trunks, so that we can use our hot tub.

Thoughts?

If he agrees to my plan, then I may need to bring some of this stuff up...including my brother and my mom. I don't know. I don't want to ruin anything!

[Raze]

They call it a dream because you eventually wake up.

[atodd]

They call it a dream because you eventually wake up.

Hah, well.. thanks for that.
That would be what I'm afraid of.

[Gratedwasabi]

Thanks for yalls responses!

My plan: wait until Friday night(?) to contact John and tell him that we're going out to eat Saturday night and going to rent a movie...since my family left me here alone. I may tell him to bring his swim trunks, so that we can use our hot tub.

Thoughts?

If he agrees to my plan, then I may need to bring some of this stuff up...including my brother and my mom. I don't know. I don't want to ruin anything!

That sounds like a perfect plan.

DO NOT BRING "STUFF" UP. DO. NOT. BRING. STUFF. UP. It's a date. Let it be a date. You can deal with that stuff later if you need to, but just have a date.

Also, I hate to tell you this but you probably shouldn't sleep with him. It might give him the idea that you're friends with benefits. Besides, nothing is going to drive him more crazy thinking about you when he goes back to college then you shutting down his final approach. But if you just can't resist, oh well.

[atodd]

That sounds like a perfect plan.

DO NOT BRING "STUFF" UP. DO. NOT. BRING. STUFF. UP. It's a date. Let it be a date. You can deal with that stuff later if you need to, but just have a date.

Also, I hate to tell you this but you probably shouldn't sleep with him. It might give him the idea that you're friends with benefits. Besides, nothing is going to drive him more crazy thinking about you when he goes back to college then you shutting down his final approach. But if you just can't resist, oh well.

Haha. You're definitely right.
I think sleeping with him would take too much of an emotional toll on me anyways, so no worries there.

What signs should I look for on our date that would suggest he'd like our relationship to continue after we go back to school? (since you insist I keep our conversation light)

[Gratedwasabi]

Haha. You're definitely right.
I think sleeping with him would take too much of an emotional toll on me anyways, so no worries there.

What signs should I look for on our date that would suggest he'd like our relationship to continue after we go back to school? (since you insist I keep our conversation light)

It's how he acts after the date that will tell you that. It sounds like his friends tend to give him advice and prod him into things, so they'll probably try to get him to avoid contacting you for at least a week after your date. To combat this, the day after you should send a light and flirty text that says something like "I had fun last night.. I wish I could see you again soon." No more then two sentences. Men are weak to flirty women, so he'll likely break his friends advice to contact you.

Kinda just have to gauge from his reaction and if he seems really interested, then you can kinda have that talk.