Ex-boyfriend playing stupid games!!!! Aaaaaragh!

[Missy_B]

We split up 4 months ago and have a child so we have to stay in contact. We have been off and on 'working on things' as he calls it but never anything substantial. For instant, we will go on dates, talk lots, text and send messages over the internet. Then he'll suddenly back off. I've recently heard rumours that he has been texting other girls. Nothing particularly wonderfully detailed and more 'hear say' from friends brothers dogs cousin...you get the idea. He has denied everything and said he is 'single' but not looking. However, after me texting him asking about other girls, he's said that if I don't trust him we will get no where. I told him he never seems that bothered about us. He never text back. He was quite ill at the time but still, nice text to suddenly not reply to. He does seem to clam up when I mention our relationship. He text me a few days later saying he needed to wait a few days before having our son as reccommended by the doctor. I then find pictures of him at a New Years Eve gathering on the internet the day before his text. He told me he went, had a drink with his brother and had to go home because he was unwell.
I have decided to distance myself from him. Just to play on the 'you don't seem that bothered about us' text message. Just to see if he is bothered. He came to pick our son up today. I wasn't there as he was early and I'd taken our son to a friends. My mother said he seemed suspicious about where I was. I played it cool, made little conversation. He seemed friendly enough and tried to make the odd joke. When he returned with out child, he again was friendly and jokey. I wasn't rude, just not my usual bubbly self. He asked me if I'd returned to work that day and I had said yes. He said he had seen lots of children in a shopping centre that afternoon (I work in a school). It seemed he didn't believe I'd been to work and I wonder if he thought maybe I'd been out with another man. He asked for our son at the weekend and said he would 'speak to me about arrangements' and then left.
I don't understand at all. I'm so confused. Is playing it cool like this a good idea? Should I behave completely not interested? I was going to tell him if he mentions it, which I don't think he will, that I am starting to 'give up' which in fairness I am. I just felt I wanted to say something so he KNEW that was why I was being awkward and maybe he would do something about it but my mother has said that she thinks it's good to suddenly quiet because maybe he'll think I'm seeing someone else and come to his senses. I'm confussssssed. Help me!!!

[RockNRoll]

You need to tell him, that you are confused. Since you broke up, neither of you should be bothered with each other's dating. Do either of you want to get back together? Decide it once and for all, because it's no good to be on and off.
You have a child, so you need to establish a good communication between yourselves and be on good terms. Have a talk with him about arrangements how to make it work.

[devonbrown]

I agree with RockNRoll. Work out arrangements for your child first. Make sure that is the priority. Then just talk to him honestly. Confront him with your feelings and let him know that you are at a point where you are ready to move on if he is not ready to begin again. Lay it out for him and see where he stands on things.
You talk about playing games, both you and he, and playing it cool and stuff like that. Nothing like that ever works. Just talk openly and frankly with him.

Good luck.

[Boisdevie]

I got divorced after 13 years of marriage and have two wonderful daughters. THEY are the priority. So stay civil with your ex for the sake of your child. If they date or don't date it is now none of your business. Unless you want him back. And once a relationship has broken apart it's unlikely it'll work again.

[Missy_B]

Since I posted I decided to speak to my ex. I probably caught him off guard as I asked him when he dropped our child off. I was very calm, not aggressive and said that if he truly wanted to 'work on things' as he had said before then he needed to do more work as it always seemed to me. I said if he was not prepared to work on things himself then I would have to move on. I said that he needed to let me know. He just nodded and said nothing else, said goodbye and left. He hasn't tried to make much conversation when he has picked our child up since and has made no effort to contact me since other than to discuss our son. It is such a shame it has come to this as we had a wonderful relationship which was spoiled by incidents out of our control. I do love him, he was my best friend, but I feel I will have to let this one go. I have decided that if he has not contacted me in a month or made any attempt to reconcile I will move on completely and contemplate my life without him. He does not seem interested and I do not understand how he can go from 'still loving me' to letting me go in the blink of an eye...

[RockNRoll]

I think you made a good decision, although it's not an easy one. You sound strong and sensible now, I am sure you'll be fine whatever happens.

[Missy_B]

I spoke to my ex again tonight, just to clear a few things up. He hadn't said a word to me when he collected and dropped off our child and I was confused if he understood what I said on Saturday. We began speaking. He accused me of seeing somebody who is a friend. I haven't. I haven't even texted this person. Only spoken to him once or twice whilst out with friends. He said I could 'move on if I wanted'. He never will give a definate answer. I said he seemed he didn't want me back and that I seemed to have hit the nail on the head when he failed to reply. He kept saying 'whatever'. He told me that he will always love me but he doesn't think we can make things better. He said that's his 'opinion'. I told him I was prepared to work as hard as possible to make things work. Like I said, we had a wonderful relationship and we have a child. I have never cheated, even since the split and as far as he says neither has he. I don't understand how he can just let it go that much. Why will he not give me a definate answer? He still hasn't said he is 'done'. What does this mean? I just don't get it. Is he confused or just playing games?