How To Attract Guys

[vertical_sky]

Here's my dilemma: I never get hit on. I never get guys coming up and speaking to me. It doesn't matter the setting (the gym, the bar, a night club, a dog park.) I never even get guys looking at me.

Now, an obvious solution to the problem of "No guys will talk to me" is for me to initiate conversation first. But it usually goes one of a few ways:

1) He asks if I have a hotter single friend I could hook him up with.
2) He just gives me a weird look and turns away.
3) He starts making fun of me.
4) He starts arguing with me.

If the guy will talk to me at all, he'll usually ask what I'm into/what I do. My hobbies are mostly geeky or academic in nature, and BAM, suddenly it's a competition. If I mention I play video games, the guy either makes fun of me ("What a neeeeeeerd, bet you're a virgin!") or starts challenging me ("Nah-uh, I bet I can beat you in Mario Kart!") If I tell him I do martial arts, he starts bragging about how he can beat me up. If I say I build computers or reads books on subjects a, b, and c, he'll start arguing with me about how PCs are better than Macs, or how those books totally got a, b, and c wrong.

I have no idea what I'm doing wrong. I never even challenge the guys! I just mention things, and suddenly, it's like I'm a duck in a shooting gallery. And that's when I approach them!

I've tried asking my friends, but I get two answers. 1) I need more confidence. I have no idea how confidence would make guys notice me/stop trashing me. 2) I'm "too intimidating." I'm 5'! How could I possibly be intimidating??

Anybody have any insight?

[BeneathTheSun]

Why not arrange a date to play Mario Kart then?

But if that is not for you I have to say it looks like bad luck, that's all. These people seem insecure and I think you should just keep at it. Even if you have to talk this crap from a 100 guys, if you fall in love with the 101th, wouldn't it be worth it?

I myself would be thrilled if someone approached me first.

[Take2]

What are you hoping they will say? A guy who begins to tease or challenge you is getting to know you. Tease or challenge him back! Have a conversation, flirt a little, see what happens. What makes you think that talking to you about your interests is a sign the guy isn't interested in you?

[red_sparrow]

Lol
my man just WISHES i was into his stupid video games.

[Yet another guy]

4) He starts arguing with me.

If the guy will talk to me at all, he'll usually ask what I'm into/what I do. My hobbies are mostly geeky or academic in nature, and BAM, suddenly it's a competition. If I mention I play video games, the guy either makes fun of me ("What a neeeeeeerd, bet you're a virgin!") or starts challenging me ("Nah-uh, I bet I can beat you in Mario Kart!") If I tell him I do martial arts, he starts bragging about how he can beat me up. If I say I build computers or reads books on subjects a, b, and c, he'll start arguing with me about how PCs are better than Macs, or how those books totally got a, b, and c wrong.

I have no idea what I'm doing wrong. I never even challenge the guys! I just mention things, and suddenly, it's like I'm a duck in a shooting gallery. And that's when I approach them!

Since I haven't heard any of your conversations I can't be sure, but it seems that what you are doing wrong is that you are misinterpreting the guys. Out of the things you mentioned, "What a neeeeeeerd, bet you're a virgin!" seems to be the only rude response assuming that he wasn't sarcastic.

Men know that women have an extensive set of requirements for them that they must meet in order for the women to be interested. If you start talking about academic stuff they will assume that you are into that and will let you know about their achievements to make sure that you know that they meet those hypothetical expectations. If a guy challenges you to a game of Mario Kart he is obviously fishing for a date with you playing video games (jackpot!). About bragging how he can beat you up... sounds bad but depends a lot on the exact words. I bet that there is no straight guy who wouldn't enjoy a bit of a wrestle with a pretty girl. "Arguing" about things like that is just normal conversation. If you talk about something you will exchange your opinions and they won't always match. There's nothing wrong with that.

Confidence won't probably stop guys from challenging you but it may help you enjoy it.

I hope this helps.

[Take2]

Oh yeah, I would say with 95% certainty that if a guy says he can beat a girl up, he is flirting. I mean, he's not angry with you, he has nothing to be truly aggressive about. It's not a true manly brag to impress another guy, because beating up a girl is not a feat any guy would be impressed with. But claiming to be able to beat you up does actually give him two things he would want if flirting: an invitation for you to touch him or give permission for him to touch you and a topic for further discussion, either in the form of playful trash talk or a discussion of your relative merits as combatants. It's actually a much better flirt conversation than "what's your favorite band."

[Take2]

It seems every one is looking to flirt..... you guys you dont know what is ture love.....

LOL, "ture" love has to start somewhere. Flirting is not in place of love, it is a step toward getting to know someone, making connections. You can't be in love with a stranger!

Flirting is also useful once you are in love. It is a connection, once again, a way of communicating attraction and closeness.

Surely even using your mystical magic to force someone to love and marry you, you still plan to speak with that person moving forward?

[Gratedwasabi]

If the guy will talk to me at all, he'll usually ask what I'm into/what I do. My hobbies are mostly geeky or academic in nature, and BAM, suddenly it's a competition. If I mention I play video games, the guy either makes fun of me ("What a neeeeeeerd, bet you're a virgin!") or starts challenging me ("Nah-uh, I bet I can beat you in Mario Kart!") If I tell him I do martial arts, he starts bragging about how he can beat me up. If I say I build computers or reads books on subjects a, b, and c, he'll start arguing with me about how PCs are better than Macs, or how those books totally got a, b, and c wrong.

I have no idea what I'm doing wrong. I never even challenge the guys! I just mention things, and suddenly, it's like I'm a duck in a shooting gallery. And that's when I approach them!

This is flirting. Sigh.

They're flirting with you. When a guy starts challenging a woman to things or challenging her assertions, he's trying to spark what is (to men and usually women ) a fun and interesting conversation. Anytime a guy teases you, it's a good thing.

Next time a guy says he could totally beat you up just respond "Ha, I bet you'd like to try!" if he responds that he would beat you at Mario Kart you say "Is that all talk or do you want to put that to the test?" if he starts arguing about how PCs are better than Macs "wow, you're kind of dumb.. but hey, at least you're hot." (And yes, a guy will never be upset that you call him dumb if you tack on that he's hot. LOL.)

Debates and teasing conversations are much more enjoyable and flirty then boring "how was your day?" "oh, why do you do that?" blah blah blah.

You need to get your flirt on, girl.

[vertical_sky]

But it's mean! And if I challenge them back, they get angry! Like "Yes I could, I could TOTALLY beat you up, I did karate for a year!" and things like that. And the guys get SUPER mad if I disagree that, say, Kirk wasn't the superior Star Fleet Captain.

Is being mean and making fun of people considered flirting?? It just seems hurtful and kind of douche-like.

[Gratedwasabi]

But it's mean! And if I challenge them back, they get angry! Like "Yes I could, I could TOTALLY beat you up, I did karate for a year!" and things like that. And the guys get SUPER mad if I disagree that, say, Kirk wasn't the superior Star Fleet Captain.

Is being mean and making fun of people considered flirting?? It just seems hurtful and kind of douche-like.

Hmm, no, those responses sound like immature douchebags.

I'm a sarcastic jerk to people I like, but I'm also obviously teasing and I'm wickedly nice the rest of the time.

Ie.. if you told me you took karate my response would be something like "Oh, am I in danger?" or "Well, I'm pretty sure I could still handle you."
Mario kart thing would be "I would still kick your ass at mario kart, although I might let you win a couple since you're a girl."
PC vs. Mac "Sure, Macs are very pretty. It's too bad they suck."

The difference is in body language, ie.. I'd be smiling and laughing and probably playfully jab you or something.

If a guy says to you "Yes I could, I could TOTALLY beat you up, I did karate for a year!" I want you to look him dead in the eyes and say "Are you 12?" and then turn and walk away.

Also, how is someone intimidating without confidence? I don't buy it. I think you're just going after douchey guys. Or douchey guys are going after you. You need to reevaluate how/where/when/why you meet guys.

[vertical_sky]

Also, how is someone intimidating without confidence? I don't buy it. I think you're just going after douchey guys. Or douchey guys are going after you. You need to reevaluate how/where/when/why you meet guys.

Haha thus my original question. Like I said, no guy ever hits on me; those conversations usually happen when I end up talking to a guy because our groups of friends mix at a bar or a party. I don't think I'm picking the douchey guys... there doesn't seem to be anything in common about the guys I talk to. I'll talk to pretty much anyone who talks to me, and I usually try to avoid initiating the conversation.

[Gratedwasabi]

Haha thus my original question. Like I said, no guy ever hits on me; those conversations usually happen when I end up talking to a guy because our groups of friends mix at a bar or a party. I don't think I'm picking the douchey guys... there doesn't seem to be anything in common about the guys I talk to. I'll talk to pretty much anyone who talks to me, and I usually try to avoid initiating the conversation.

If they are saying stuff like that to you.. yes, yes you ARE picking the douchey guys. Bars and partys are not the places to meet people.

You're into books? Go walk around bookstores and talk to guys there.

You're nerdy? I dunno, go to a convention or comic store or something!

Or you can just move to Seattle and I'll show you how flirting is really done.