Whos the fool? Help!

[Aniphilia]

I dont even know where to begin. lulz....

I love him. He loves me. We have a lot of fundementals in place. We have been together for nearly six years. I can not count how many times he has broken up our relationship. More than five? Less than 10? As if it is some bad habit of his. I never left his side when he was sick and suffering and miserable. Imagine that!? I knew all along he would pull out of his rut. And he did. Although I may be too quick in saying that is all he has to worry about! The absolute shocking behaviour I have yet to decipher. He is lovely and I am enamored with him for the most part, right down to how he moves. He talks, smiles, giggles, tells stories in his sleep. He dreams of me all the time in what ever context his subconcious is maneuvering at any given time. He even kisses me and tells me he loves me in his sleep. This is how I know how he feels about me even when hes not awake. I could go on and on. He has two of his own children and so do I. We have so much in common even if some of it suspends us off the earth in the form of escapism.

I cant understand why he keeps finding reasons to 'break up'. Something deep inside is bothering him. Most of us humans have pitfalls. I do not point my finger at him for mine. He points fingers at me for his. And this time it was so hipocritical. Not only that but he never communicated to me what was bothering him. He had seen that the goals we talked about setting out for with our new slate a few months back was not being carried out by me fully. I certainly know that I had already acted on them. But no matter, he only brought it up when he had made up his mind to break up and so nothing I said mattered. He said too little too late. And to think he had finally asked me to Marry him just a month or so before! I was without my words during his speel of antics during the 'break up' convo. Now I fling around in my mind so much dialogue. I dont ever contact him afterwards. He knows it. He always contacts first. I really think this time there wont be a next time 'together'.

Does his behaviour just seem simply hasty? As if the grass is greener somewhere else? Couldnt he of just simply stated " Hey honey, are you having a hard time with our goals we set? Is there something I can help with cuz I am feeling as if you have tossed them aside?" Does he expect me to be the Goddess in human form with not a flaw? I may of hit a bit of a wintery rut feeling with vacation from school and had run out of money and such but that is so short term! And he was indulging in passtimes as well! I honestly think that it doesnt matter what I do, wether I am kicking a** in life or in a rut, hes going to point the finger at me. When it could very well be him! Guys, Girls?... what say you?

[reeba]

In this post you didn't say what the goal was and how he said you failed to meet it, and what the other goals are. How are we suppose to know if he set unrealistic goals.

Right now I'm siding with him. At least he said something wasn't working, he left several times before becasue something wasn't working, he tried to work on this thing that wasn't working for 6 YEARS, he communicated it and said you needed to change something because this thing that wasn't working was getting on his nerves, and in at least the last 2 months (not to mention the last 6 years) you proved you could not do this change.

With the little information you gave us besides the blah blah balh I love him so much, I see nothing wrong with his decision. And it was definitely not hasty.

The only thing I see him doing wrong is breaking up with you multiple times and then coming back to you. He needs to make a decision and stick to it. And you need to stop letting him come back and tell him to get lost. You both need to get on with your lives with someone who is happy with you the way you are. As the saying goes, love is blind. That means your emotions don't pick who is really best for you.

[Aniphilia]

Ok fair enough. Im new to the forum and am upset as well. Our break ups in the past were not because of something I was not doing. Just this past summer (2010) did we make for a clean slate do over where we would set goals for ourselves and not fall into old patterns. I wasnt moving fast enough I was told (on the day he broke it off-a couple days ago) Thing is, he was accusing me of things he does as well and was doing as well. But we were not doing them to a degree of it getting in the way of the rest of our lives. I had run out of funds from school loans and had to host over the holiday season even though I wasnt inthe mood for it really. The winter can be so hunkered down in this part of the world. We have a hard time finding privacy as well. I mean really hard.. With a parental unit or two living in each of our homes and 2 kids each of our own. We do not live together but have in the past for a year.

There was never any outright upkeep discussion since summer. He claimed on breakup day that he was putting energy into his intentions and I was not. But I was and had been. It did not matter what I said to try to prove him wrong. He could see for his own eyes that I was delivering on my goals because he was there to witness. I told him I trusted his processes and that he wasnt trusting mine. When he was sick and going through alot of inner turmoil for a couple years I never turned my back on him. Although he did on me during that time and I was still there, of course after a spell of no contact. ( I tend to let him be when he finds he needs to be alone) and let him come to me. I see his pattern as well as everyone else does of breaking up and then not wanting that either. I somehow wasnt speedy enough for him this last few months (although he did propose marraige with a ring)! But he has gone and torn us apart with the snap of his fingers.. just like that.. quick and dirty. I told him he was breaking my heart again and he said his was too. When simply we could just have an 'upkeep' convo like healthy couples do but w/o this snap the fingers break up.

[Aniphilia]

And thank you for your reply.

We had set goals to study our passions and wanted so badly our own place and space. With both of us back in school at 35 and studying outside of that curriculum as well on our own spiritual endevours, taking care of our children in seperate households and dealing with parental units of our own it was taking a toll. But that isnt even what was bothering him at the point of break up even though it was a major concern just the past couple months. So when he goes and talks to his person with whom he seeks counsel and nothing of the like directly to me its hurtful. I would rather he sorted it with me since I am the one he is in love with. I completely support outside counsel with someone you trust and has wisdom but damned if I dont think it was one sided. Because what came out of his mouth was so set in stone it was instant cut off switch. You just dont absolutely unabashidly love someonefor so long, then ask them to marry with a ring, play some escapism video games and read a series of novels together in the past few months then turn and point the finger at me! He accused me of escaping into video games and books of which he himself was partaking in at the same time but more of! This all seems so trivial- its why its got me in a tizzy of sorts when i think of how hipocritical that seemed. Its as if he gets himself all worked up and then spews. We both wanted (want) to get going with the new goals but since he is moving along so swiftly and I am not quite at that speed at the moment...... well its just not break up material... its not as if i sit around doing absolutley nothing.
I understand enough where hes coming from even if its not something that I would even think once about ending a relationship over. But I do not agree with the way he did things and couldnt just talk to me. My friend that knows him says hes being awfully 'high and mighty'

Guess hes willing to toss everything away, all the love, comfort, familiarity, work, growing old together.. for his next endeavor.... which doesnt in the end usually make him happy. Being w/o me has never left him feeling any better which leads to contacting me. I always tell myself hes gone for good. If I hear from him and decide to reply.. its not going to be nice.

[reeba]

You still haven't said what the goals were and how you failed to meet them.

[Aniphilia]

To redesign ourselves with more awareness and lay ground work for spiritual endeavors. We both recently joined the same church. He is more heavily envolved by jumping in with both feet hard into just about everything offered there and I taking a few classes there and more along with the womens group meetings elswhere. I hadnt officially gone through the member process but had it written in my daily to ask on the new moon which was the day after he broke up with me. We performed ritual together when we had the privacy (nearly never ever) and started to study a bit together but it did start to get to be more of a challenge when finals at school came up (mine always first, then his, being we are at different schools) or and it was so late by the time he got to my place that we were tired or just wanted to make love ( but my mother lives with me in my 2 bedroom along with my two girls-early teens) and its not the kids, its my mom... she nearly never leaves the house and since my my girls each have a room and my mom stays in one of their rooms, my room is out in the living room. And she is up real late. I cant even have privacy when hes not here!! His house isnt all that much more private even though it is bigger. But when he broke up with me other day the privacy issue wasnt something he mentioned. It was all about me failing to put intention to manifest. Funny, I was at the rituals, at the classes I signed up for, and so on and so forth and because 'I' wanted to, not for him, certainly! And fully enjoying it together and always looking forward to all the enrichment. Yet he says I wasnt and that I make excuses and that Im in a rut again. Which leaves me confused. Am I supposed to be superwoman? He only recentley put on his cape!