I'm so insecure! :(

[peppereyes]

I simply can't stand my body... why? Because it's not the typical "hot" body that men like: ie., busty, slim, no cellulite, round butt, tight legs... usually on petite frames. I'm kind of tall, kind of slim (I want to be really lean), no boobs, BIG hips (small waist though), ugly butt with cellulite and fat thighs with even more cellulite!

I have a normal BMI... I'm not overweight. But I still manage to feel fat... and I'm scared to lose weight, because I fear I might lose what little breast tissue I have...

In my country, guys love a certain type of figure... if you're curious, Google "Maxim Argentina" on Images... if you're not at work, and if you really want to see the type of images thata re mainstream here, do it without filter.

I'm really insecure, I can't stand it anymore!

When I was with my ex, I was constantly insecure, though I didn't vocalize it ('cause I was scared of scaring him away). But I was always comparing myself to women, especially if we went to the beach... I know he was with me, but I couldn't help but feel bad because I knew that I didn't have his preferred body type. I knew he liked busty women on petite frames, preferrably blonde, ie. my exact opposite! Most guys my age (I'm 22) are like this, too.

I know it's normal for guys to love a girl (even if she doesn't have their preferred body type), and to lust after others and it's not a big deal... and this only makes the problem worse. I feel so pathetic because not only do I have a less desirable body, I also have an unattractive personality because of the insecurity.

Some days I'm doing fine, until I see one of these magazines, or if I run into a woman who has the body I wish I had... I'm afraid I'll never be able to have a boyfriend anymore, because I'm really insecure... and even if a guy loves me, well, no, that's not enough in the sense that I'll always feel lacking and like I'm not enough. For instance, I knew my ex liked big boobs better, no apologies about it, and he wanted me to boob f*** him once, and I couldn't... I couldn't fulfill him sexually, even if there were other things we could do or if he got over it quickly, I felt like "Dammit, I can't fulfill him and he probably thinks of doing that whenever he sees a busty woman!".

I know personality matters more and guys constantly tell me I'm such a cool chick, but they don't know the truth (that I suck 'cause I'm this insecure). They even think I'm really confident (they tell me so), but they don't know the truth... and I know that even if they like my personality, my body will never be good enough. They always tell me they like me, that I'm awesome, but it seems it's always compliments about my personality, never about my looks, and that makes me feel ugly, even if they ask me out. No, I wouldn't get surgery, even if it's covered by our health system, because I'm too much of a chicken and if I ever have kids 1) I plan to breasfeed and 2) how would I explain mommy's vanity and insecurity, especially if I have girls?

Sorry, rant over... I don't know how to love my body, men don't like this kind of body as much as they like others, hence why I hate it. Even though I'm healthy, but busty, petite blondes are also healthy. So yeah, I'm grateful to be healthy, but that doesn't make me hate my body any less.

[smackie9]

Girl friend you have to work with what you got. All women wish they had a better body, but wishing doesn't work. Got to take action and go onto the net and you will find all kinds of things women use to enhance themselves without surgery. There are aqua bras the will give you a little more fullness. There are these under garments that millions of women wear here in north America call Spanx" that give you a great shape. There are even jeans that hold your tummy in and lift your butt. You just have to shop for the right things to give you a little help. Go on youtube, you will find a lot of videos on doing makeup and hair to give you that polished "celebrity" look. You will also find helpful tips to make your skin look it's best. The internet is a great tool to find all kinds of helpful things.....get busy.

[smackie9]

Note: women all over the world are bombarded by unrealistic female images on TV and in magazines. You have to remember a lot of those images are doctored to look perfect. Guys may wish they can have a woman that looks like that but they won't find one. Yes there are woman that are surgically lifted and tucked with fake boobs, but most of those women up close look grotesque. Most guys I talk to prefer a natural looking woman and not all faked out. You just have to focus on the positive and forget about the negative in order to feel good about yourself. I was an ugly duckling growing up, but I stepped up and worked hard on improving my looks....no surgery at all. In no time I was leaving guys behind in my wake.

[warriormaiden]

Let me tell you, right here, right now, that big boobs are overrated. They're a pain to dress, and a lot of times you receive attention that you do not want nor need.
Every girl has something that they feel like is not 'right' with their body. It's normal. You just have to accept it, put a new breeze in your swag, and keep moving.


I remember one day, I was going out with my friends. Nothing special, just going to lunch and a movie. And I had done my hair up, and my makeup, and I had some new jeans on and my most favorite t-shirt. I was feeling really hot. And then I noticed the Victoria Secret magazine on the coffee table. So, I sit down and flip through it while waiting for my friends. And I swear, while I was flipping through each page my confidence level went from like a 110, to about a seven in five minutes time.
I had to remind myself that this was not a realistic representation of how women are supposed to look. Those Maxim girls that you pointed out, are PAID to look that way. They are not normal. They look plastic and generic.
A real man does not want a blow up doll to screw.
I also had to remind myself that, even though those girls were considered 'hot' by society, they weren't me. I'm told all the time how much fun I am to be around, and how awesome I am, and how addicting I can be. Most men, can't even manage a single hello to these models.

Be happy with what you have, and realize that you have something far better than these plastic barbies: An endearing personality that is more attractive and seductive, than any pair of overly done botoxed nipples on the planet.
If you're going to work on ANYTHING, work on that.

[red_sparrow]

i suppose i'm doubly vain about my body. to be honest, i love my body. I'm 5'2, fairly petite, blonde, with a good booty, and not too busty. i've got nice curves and a nice waist-line. sometimes i need to work on my love-handles but usually they're just fine. However, the odd thing is I'm NOTHING like the magazine models! i'm too short, my butt is too big, legs aren't sculpted.. etcc... but i don't care. my bf is crazy about this body, and i'm crazy over it, too!

have some more confidence. you should be ashamed of yourself. you sound like someone with a great personality and a great body! i bet you look the same or even better than me ... and here you are getting down on yourself.

[peppereyes]

Well red_sparrow, I guess I needed some tough love, lol. I'm not very petite, I'm around 5'7", kind of medium framed (no matter how much weight I lose, I always seem to look "thick" all over... even when my ribs show). And you're blonde, lol... petite and blonde with a booty, I think most guys will go crazy over that... I'm a brunette... brown eyes, tan skin...

I don't know I guess I'm being a bit hard on myself. I'll try to think more about the positives.

[ammi00]

If your insecurities are affecting you that much, you should work ON what you've got, and then work WITH what you've got. Try to think realistically - for example, you can easily reduce your cellulite, up to making it almost impossible to be seen (of course, not with "magic" lotions, but by drinking lots of water, having a normal diet, exercising & massages). If you have big hips, but a small waist - that's good. You could do some exercises to extend your ribcage area, so you'll have more of a hourglass shape. These are things you can actually work on. On the other side, if you want big boobs you'll need an implant - and this gets more complicated and not so "realistic". I'm just curious - what are your measurements (breasts, ribcage, waist, hips)? Even though I adore big boobs (and I don't think they're overrated), they don't look good on every female body - plus that, there are plenty of super-attractive women with tiny breasts... I wouldn't want mines any bigger, because I'm petite and I couldn't imagine myself with some huge boobs.
Also, a woman can be attractive no matter her hair color. You haven't said anything about your face - do you like it? Like smackie suggested, google-fu for some make-up & hair do's tips, learn how to arrange yourself, how to put emphasis on your qualities and make them pop out etc.
There are plenty of things you can improve, and this will boost your self esteem as well. I don't think you should fall into the "I love my body no matter what, blah blah" category.

[warriormaiden]

What's wrong with loving your body no matter what?

I think people take change to such extremes, that they forget to love themselves.

[ammi00]

What's wrong with loving your body no matter what?

I think people take change to such extremes, that they forget to love themselves.

Whenever I hear someone saying they love their body no matter what, I instantly think about excuses & frustration. Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying people should be shallow and obssesed about their looks - but they have to be satisfied with their appearance. It's an insult not to take care of yourself or to allow yourself to fall into a poor condition.

[Yet another guy]

Try to concentrate on your positive sides.

I'm kind of tall, kind of slim ... BIG hips (small waist though)

There we go Sounds like you are super sexy. High thigh / waist ratio is one of the most sexy features on a female body. Far sexier than boob size for sure.

I agree with the ones saying that boob size is overrated. Sure, big tits are nice but the shape is more important. Also with smaller chest you don't need to worry about drooping, flappy tits at a later age, I imagine.

There's nothing bad about your height but some of the shorter guys may feel insecure because most women prefer guys that are taller than them.

And you're blonde, lol... petite and blonde with a booty, I think most guys will go crazy over that... I'm a brunette... brown eyes, tan skin...

Just imagine how many blonde jokes there are that you don't have to listen. I posted a thread about hair and eye colour a while ago. From what I have learned from the thread and otherwise, women mostly seem to prefer dark hair on the average but men have a lot more variability in preference. Red heads seem to take a slight lead in popularity. Anyway, I don't think anyone would consider someone ugly based on hair or eye colour. Personally, I don't get it at all and don't have any preference.

[7th samurai]

i know plenty of girls who are on the overweight scale but they dress really nice and with me when a girl knows how to dress its an instant +

[peppereyes]

Guys, how important is breast size? I mean, I really hate the media... they always push this whole "bigger is better" thing! Always using cleavage or just nudity... My sister was playing God of War... and some nude women appeared... all busty, with "boob job" type of boobs... who would've thought in Mythological Greece they had implants? Ugh... not even one girl had small breasts! Do all men respond more to big breasts really? I mean why else put it so blatantly in video games? It makes it seem like that's all men want... I was really considering playing that game (hey sometimes I want to squash some mythical heads, too) but now I'm not so sure... why do they always have to portray busty women as ideal? I feel so inferior... it's so hard to ignore these depictions, they're everywhere. I'm really considering surgery now... I hate how implants look, though... but it seems sheer size is more important

Sorry for the rant, I'm feeling really low now... it's like small boobs are acceptable, but big breasts are ideal, great, awesome, blah bla blah...

[blent]

Sounds like you're seeking attention. Size isn't really that important for me, if you put effort into how you look then you'll do fine. Should I be crying because I don't look like Brad Pitt? Just remember that people don't view you as negatively as you do, we tend to see more of the good in others and the bad in ourselves. You're not a hormonal teenager anymore, grow up.

[Yet another guy]

In case you haven't noticed, girls aren't the only ones suffering from this "bigger is better" thing (hint: it has something to do with penis) and that pressure isn't coming just from the media...

Why would you think that women characters in games are portrayed as ideal? I haven't seen a single female in a game that's close to ideal. They also usually put guns in a lot of games too and that's not all men want (except for maybe red necks). How do you think us guys, who aren't 9 feet tall 300 pounds of pure muscle with dark hair, feel since "that's what women seem to want" (that may be a bit off, I'm not used to imperial units). I don't let it bother me, I have more important things to feel insecure about.

[sookie6]

You know...my best friend Mag is really slim + sporty...but she hates her body due to her hips that she finds rather large and whatever her efforts it's her body shape and she can't change it..she is extremely stressed at the moment because she is pregnant and she has sworn to herself that she will get back to her body size the soonest after birth.

She has always put a lot of pressure on herself to remain slim (sometimes she would throw certain food away so that she is not tempted at home..)

On the other hand, like many women in France she is a chain smoker (she has no will to quit) and also she is very afraid to gain weight would she give up cigarettes...

Anyway...I 'm chubby but because I'm rather tall I get away with it...and I have got extremely good skin (so far so good) and I look younger. Mag's skin is however a bit ruined with nicotine (although I keep telling her to quit to improve her complexion) and she looks her age and will look older as the years pass by.

I don't attract all men but I think on the hindsight Mag and I are equally successful with them.

Some men are attracted by the body of a woman, her size while others are drawn to face features etc...

The advantage of accepting our body shape (I'll never be skinny, when I was my face looked tired and ill) is that you attract men who are into this body shape. All my partners enjoyed my curves.


I feel you are giving too much importance to what men might think of you. A person is a combination of physical and personality traits that makes you who you are. Once someone loves you, they won't be able to find the exact combination else where. Don't make the mistake to think that one can be replaced so easily.

So chill out.