Re-connecting with a girl I haven't seen in years

[PolarBear12]

This is my first post on this board, so before I get into my issue, I'll just say hello and I like forward to sharing my problems and helping others.

Here's the story: There's this girl I've had a thing for for about 5 or so years ago (she didn't know it, but we were friends at school). I haven't talked to or seen her in 5 years, but we're facebook friends. Recently, I decided I would send her a message to talk to her again and just casually ask her what she's up to these days, and see what she's up to now that she's graduated from university. If she was receptive to my messages I figured I would ask her out for a drink (we live about 10 minutes from one another). So she replies to my message within a few hours and is very chatty and fills me in on her life. She asks me what I'm up to, so I respond, and ask her some more questions just to keep the conversation going- I didn't want to ask her out after only one message. Now it's been three days and she hasn't responded, and I have no idea why. I know she has been online because I've seen her available on facebook chat.

Do I re-send the message, or assume she isn't interested and just leave it alone? Should I wait a few more days? It's just frustrating because I know we have a ton in common, and I could always sense there was something between us yeas ago.

Advice is much appreciated!

[cancankant]

What's her relationship status say? Or is there one? No status could mean a lot of things.

She may just be busy or not necessarily as interested in keeping up with you as you are with her, newly single and not ready to date, or she could be in a relationship or even just dating someone without having made it "official". If you've had a thing for her for years, my thought is she might very well know this. Or she could be totally in the dark as well.

You could always try the completely upfront approach of, "I'd love to get together for coffee (or lunch or whatever) with you to catch up sometime." I don't suggest "a drink" as the first icebreaker thing, unless SHE suggests it, since this could leave the wrong impression. Also, don't ask about something in the evening, unless SHE suggests it. Make it a casual thing in the early stages.

If you don't want to push it too hard, just try to comment on her status from time or time (do NOT bombard her with comments...this will seem creepy). If you know of a school reunion event or homecoming or something of this nature, that would also give you an excuse to contact her.

[PolarBear12]

What's her relationship status say? Or is there one? No status could mean a lot of things.

She may just be busy or not necessarily as interested in keeping up with you as you are with her, newly single and not ready to date, or she could be in a relationship or even just dating someone without having made it "official". If you've had a thing for her for years, my thought is she might very well know this. Or she could be totally in the dark as well.

You could always try the completely upfront approach of, "I'd love to get together for coffee (or lunch or whatever) with you to catch up sometime." I don't suggest "a drink" as the first icebreaker thing, unless SHE suggests it, since this could leave the wrong impression. Also, don't ask about something in the evening, unless SHE suggests it. Make it a casual thing in the early stages.

If you don't want to push it too hard, just try to comment on her status from time or time (do NOT bombard her with comments...this will seem creepy). If you know of a school reunion event or homecoming or something of this nature, that would also give you an excuse to contact her.

Thanks for the reply.

She's single. Not sure how recent but pretty sure she hasn't had a boyfriend for a year or so.

I didn't bring up the possibility of a date with her in either of my messages, so I don't think it's that. I'm also pretty sure she doesn't know I like her unless she's figured out why I'm messaging her. In that case would she have not realized that before she responded the first time? I guess my thought here is, is there a chance she didn't get my message? I don't want her to think I'm ignoring her, but I also don't want to come on too strong and re-send my message.

[cancankant]

I'd wait a while. If she doesn't respond, then maybe just a, "Hey there...how's it going?" type of message.

There's a chance she didn't get the message, but also a chance that she did and just didn't respond.

Does she enable chat on Facebook? If so, if you see her online, just engage her in light chat. You could ask her out at that time --- see above --- or you could give her your number, etc. Chat isn't as good as face to face interaction or even phone, but if you keep it light, you should be okay.

[Boisdevie]

She lives 10minutes away? Grow some balls. Send her a message telling her you're doing X at the weekend.
This could be a walk
Visit an art gallery
Going skating
Whatever

Ask her if she would like to come along.

[xxazurexx]

I reckon she aint that interested. But then I guess there is nothing to be interested in. It's not like you two were really close friends who have this history together. You are just another face from all those years back and she likely has loads of 'you' in her FB friends list.

I'm sure she doesn't need reminding of your existence and because she will be full aware she has an unanswered mail from you in her mailbox. But I guess there is no harm in resending it and if you are looking to pursue something. Sometimes persistence can pay off....sometimes it can make you appear more a pain in the arse - depends upon if you caught our interest or not, but if you didn't, another mail will go ignored.

Sorry for the blunt opinion, just saying it as I see it and from a womans point of view.

[PolarBear12]

I reckon she aint that interested. But then I guess there is nothing to be interested in. It's not like you two were really close friends who have this history together. You are just another face from all those years back and she likely has loads of 'you' in her FB friends list.

I'm sure she doesn't need reminding of your existence and because she will be full aware she has an unanswered mail from you in her mailbox. But I guess there is no harm in resending it and if you are looking to pursue something. Sometimes persistence can pay off....sometimes it can make you appear more a pain in the arse - depends upon if you caught our interest or not, but if you didn't, another mail will go ignored.

Sorry for the blunt opinion, just saying it as I see it and from a womans point of view.

Thanks for the reply. I appreciate the blunt opinion.

The only reason I am slightly hesitant to move on is the fact she replied to the first message, and it wasn't just a brief, simple reply either. Do you think she would have even bother replying the first time if she wasn't interested?