are guys allowed to be emotional?

[justcheckin]

This is mainly a question for the girls, but here it goes (please bear with me):

Is it OK for a guy to be emotional at times? My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over three months now. this morning we had plans to hang out, however, she said she was going to hang out with her room-mates instead. I am 100% ok with that.

The problem is, (and I know I was wrong), I got a little emotional when she told me and kind-of acted like a 4 year old and said "I though we had plans... ok well whatever have fun" to which she responded "our plans were you telling me to come get you. you just told me that I was."

Before I go any further, I just want to make it CLEAR that this was a decision made by both of us the previous night, and at no point in time did I or have I EVER dictated what she is/has/was doing. Not one second. I actually go out of my way to NOT act like that because that is what destroyed her last relationship.

So that was over a text message. after she said that I called her and unfortunately got a little emotional on the phone. Not yelling emotional, but "sobby" emotional because of what she said (that I was basically dictating what she does). You see, my main goal is to NOT control her, and her telling me that really rubbed me the wrong way. I wasnt "crying" to her or begging, but I was having a real hard articulating words because I was trying my best to not cry like a baby (im so stupid)

is it ok for a guy to get emotional sometimes? Looking back I feel like I'm a freaking idiot. Do guys get emotional? Why did I almost start crying? (god I sound like a baby) I know this sounds stupid, but I really would like your opinion on if its OK for guys to be emotional sometimes. What she said really hut my feelings.

What do you think? At no point did I actually start "boo hooing", but I mean I know for a fact she knew that I was pretty dang upset.

I am 24 and she is 20 (yeah yeah, laugh it up)

[shadowMike4d4]

certainly guys are allowed to get emotional, but people aren't very accepting of it.

millennium of the stupid "man must be tough" crapola has pretty much mercilessly beaten sympathy for emotional men.


Its acceptable but you SHOULD learn to control your emotion, find a time and place to let it out.

[reeba]

My boyfriend is 'emotional'. And my best guy friend is 'emotional'. Yes it bothers me when they get teary-a sad movie, telling about failed relationships, long dead pets..... But my best guy friend tells me it is because I'm the opposite. Sometimes when they get emotional I get pissy and say very insensitive things like 'quit acting like a girl' (see what I mean about being their opposite, product of 6 brothers). But overall them being emotional is good because it causes me to be a little more in tune to what I'm doing and the effect it has on them.

By the way, maybe SHE destroyed her last relationship. Maybe she is your opposite and is uncaring, cold, not willing to share, independent, and wants to do her own thing. Even a guy who is stoic on the surface, isn't going to be thrilled with that, unless he doesn't want a real girlfriend and just wanted a girl to eff when its convenient.

[Junket]

Someone needs to wear the pants, if it's not the man, then it will be the woman.

Believe it or not, nobody created us equal, we're just trying to act like they did.

[xxazurexx]

Depends why he's getting emotional. If he's getting emotional and because I'm off on holiday or something and we won't see each other for a few days/weeks, I'd understand it.

But then there is emotional and acting like a kid....and I'd view you as childish if you whinged and because I'd perhaps made alternative plans.

[HeartIsAching]

Depends why he's getting emotional. If he's getting emotional and because I'm off on holiday or something and we won't see each other for a few days/weeks, I'd understand it.

But then there is emotional and acting like a kid....and I'd view you as childish if you whinged and because I'd perhaps made alternative plans.

Yes, that's exactly the reaction I was having.

My wife and I get very emotional when we have to spend extended time apart, both of us.

Neither of us gets emotional if the day's plans get changed suddenly... or if the cereal has run out.

[girl68]

Yeah you can be emotional but what you describe there is immature. There is a difference. A man crying because of heartache- sure. But you're just acting straight up immature.

[Yet another guy]

I agree, she probably assumes that you're acting up because the plans changed rather than because you are afraid that she might think just that. Way to shoot yourself in the foot!

Also, since you are acting "like a girl" maybe you did the mistake of reading between lines or imagining that you had made plans when that wasn't the case. Girls do that mistake a lot, or so I hear.

As for the question, yes, guys are allowed to be just as emotional as girls. It's usually the guys who have a problem with their own emotions. If a girl thinks that we must all be stoic and emotionless, she needs to grow up.

[justcheckin]

so you guys really think that I did something wrong?

[girl68]

Do you understand the difference between being emotional and acting like an immature little boy?

In short: Yes, you did something wrong. Your reaction was entirely uncalled for, your explanation poor and the lack of a legit apology for any misunderstanding.

[vashti]

I don't like overly-emotinal males. I mean - they are okay as friends, but for a relationship, I'd prefer he be a source of strength.

[Yet another guy]

so you guys really think that I did something wrong?

I think that she might think that you are acting like a child. Try not to be so insecure about her insecurities.

[justcheckin]

I guess I was acting like a child. What SHOULD I do then if I get hurt that bad by something she says? Just clam up and not say anything? I feel like that would be more immature then actually being upset.

[Yet another guy]

The problem is this:

The problem is, (and I know I was wrong), I got a little emotional when she told me and kind-of acted like a 4 year old and said "I though we had plans... ok well whatever have fun" to which she responded "our plans were you telling me to come get you. you just told me that I was."

You said it yourself, you acted like a 4 year old. Now, because of this she will assume that you are upset about her changing the plans and it'll make the problem worse. Usually it's not wrong to show your emotions when people you love hurt you. Mostly though, people tend to get silent and gloomy rather than sobbing.

[justcheckin]

do you think I ****ed up big time or is it possible to bounce back from something like this? if it is the first time its happened?