Busy Boyfriend?

[Seif]

HI :C

My boyfriend and I are both turning 21 this year, we're going to different colleges, he's an hour away from his hometown (where I am) and he plays a sport called handball. We've known each other since we were 6 (Always went to school together).

Well, I started dating this guy in late July. I was at first kinda wary, because even if he and I talked in high school (We had one class together and last summer he confessed he had liked me then), I had a REALLY BAD PAST at gradeschool (The class outcast in a class of 50, same kids for 8 years), so I just didn't wanna associate with him. But I took him up on his offer and so far it's been okay.

My only issue is... I kind of feel used. Sort of like I'm the one thing he goes to when he has nothing to fill into his schedule. School and handball, as one can imagine, take up a lot of his time. In fact, when we started dating he had explained to me that the reason why he hadn't really had too many girlfriends (Just one before me) was because he was "basically married to handball". I told him I'd try to understand and be supportive, and I think I've done pretty well so far.

I haven't said anything to him all these months, because I've always gotten the vibe that he's just a busy guy, with college and all, and he's VERY passionate about handball so I figure I'll be supportive. But he'll often invite me up (Which is an hour drive, at least a gallon of gas each time, and a gallon back) very late at night, like at ten. Then he'll attempt to have sex with me (Pending my mood), then go to bed (And hold me, and cuddle me for a while) then often enough I'll have to leave in the morning because "he has practice/school/a tournament/something".

I mean, being with him is nice. I know I'm lucky enough to even be able to see my boyfriend while others are states or even countries away, but, don't I deserve more than that? Yesterday evening, a day after he'd invited me up (And I went, and left, like he asked), I confronted him about it. I told him I think we've been dating long enough that I deserve a little bit more than that every time I come up, because if he misses me like he says then we should probably be doing something other than having sex and cuddling when I visit. Now, that's not to say that on break he isn't a sweetheart. He's just... A damn busy guy, always scheduling stuff with handball or friends or working out or.... Something. He responded saying he knows, and it upsets him too, but school and handball are just things he has to do.

And I understand that, of course. It's school and something he loves. But I feel like I deserve a little bit more than what I get. I'm not really complaining about his breaks because at least we get some time to ourselves then, but they're so few and far between that it's hard to focus on them. With the way he's "scheduling me in", I feel less like his girlfriend and more like his call girl.

Help? I mean, I feel like I barely know the guy. He won't even talk to me about handball, while he'll talk about it with his friends and family, but to me he says "It's just hard to talk about it with someone who's not interested in sports, no offense". I guess I just want to be more of a part of his life, but I don't know what to do!

INB4: Offer to play handball with him. I have. He said he'd teach me, but he has yet to lift a finger to do so... :\\

[reeba]

Basically in his priorities you are in 3rd place, and it is a distant third, and if you weren't putting out I bet you would prioritize even below flossing. It isn't going to change, so if you aren't happy with it, leave.

Right now he is in a stage in his life where he is self adsorbed and obsessed with himself. Someday he MIGHT change his priorities which probably won't happen till he decides he wants a family, but right now it ain't going to happen.

If it is any consolation. He will probaby remain dateless after you leave. I doubt there are too many girls following the handball circuit. So I guess one hand can remain married to handball, and the other.....

[Yet another guy]

He's smart in prioritizing important things like school ahead of a girl friend that might leave him at any moment. It's nothing personal, that's just the way relationships are.

My only issue is... I kind of feel used. Sort of like I'm the one thing he goes to when he has nothing to fill into his schedule.

He uses all his free time with you. And you feel bad about it?

One of your biggest problems it that you live an hour away. It makes it a lot harder for him to schedule time for you.

It doesn't seem like he can conjure up more time until he has graduated so if feel that you can't put up with it and are unhappy, you have to end it.

[Seif]

He's smart in prioritizing important things like school ahead of a girl friend that might leave him at any moment. It's nothing personal, that's just the way relationships are.



He uses all his free time with you. And you feel bad about it?

One of your biggest problems it that you live an hour away. It makes it a lot harder for him to schedule time for you.

It doesn't seem like he can conjure up more time until he has graduated so if feel that you can't put up with it and are unhappy, you have to end it.

No that's the problem. I know it's smart. I'm asking how to deal with it, not if I should deal with it or leave. I really like this guy and I would like to stay with him, but every time he invites me over it's basically have sex/sleep&cuddle/leave. It's nice, but I want more. He's even admitted that he should probably take me out more. I understand why he can't, I'm just wondering how to get around his schedule so we have more to do together. After all, I'm in school too.

And he doesn't use ALL his free time with me. Most of his free time is used working out and hanging out with friends.

[Yet another guy]

To get more out of your relationship you need to talk to him and tell him what you want to do.

Do you initiate arranging dates or is it always him? If it's always him, to see him more, ask him when is the next time he is free. If it's always you, then you need to tell him that you want him to be more active with that. The distance between you is still going to be a problem if you want to see each other outside holidays and breaks. Have you tried using skype or similar to chat with him while you are apart? That's all the ideas I have, just try to make most out of the time you have.

I'm definitely not suggesting to leave. Only if you are unhappy and unable to work on it.

[xxazurexx]

I really like this guy and I would like to stay with him, but every time he invites me over it's basically have sex/sleep&cuddle/leave. It's nice, but I want more. .

Sounds like you are a 'booty call'. Taking what he needs, but you don't get what you need from him.

I wouldn't waste time on a guy who placed his hobbies over me and who showed up when he wanted sex/or to have sex.

I'm either a 'priority' or he can fck off.

[RockNRoll]

You need to work on your self confidence, especially after bad past at grade school, and feeling used doesn't help it.

Do you come to see him? Does he ever visit you? It sounded from your 1st post (and you told something similar later) that all you basically do is having sex when he has no other plans, and then you leave.

He is very comfortable, and you are not. So decide what you want from him, clearly state what you would like to change in your relationship. And see whether he follows through. Don't hold to him too much, because he obviously doesn't make you his priority. Take a try to change your routine, but be ready to leave him as he is not much of a "boyfriend".

[xxazurexx]

Yeah, tell him what YOU want and don't be afraid to lose him. If you lose him, he didn't value your relationship much anyway and you are
best off without him.