Man slut stuck, where is the instruction manual?

[stopsarahpalin]

An open letter to womens:

I am an extremely confident, assertive, outgoing guy. I have no problem chatting up girls, getting attention, one night stands etc. I am not buff or good looking, or athletic, but average height, quite slim, smoker, normally roughly shaven; hair looks like I have just woken up. I have my own business, which is unusual for people my age, I work very hard long hours, and in my spare time, I make amateur films (not porn!) My dress sense is, err, unique id say. Many people tell me I dress well, male and female, although I will always stand out in a crowd. I have confidence where most men do not, ill go and chat up a girl in the street, (in my rather unusual way) or will happily have a crack with any girl in a club or bar. I am always the entertainer in a group, and one of my favourite things is to start overly camp dance-off’s with people in clubs, anyway, so what’s the problem?

Every 2 years or so, I meet a girl who I actually fall for. Like an invisible wall I hit at 100mph. I have had girls fall for me, and although I do not like it, unintentionally I have hurt a few people.
This is where the problem lays, the girls I really like, never seem to want me in return, and then seem to disappear with some ‘normal’ guy. It is getting very annoying, and has happened 6 or 7 times now. Never really having a real relationship (just loads of one night stands or short time things) and I’m just stumped, even to a point where imp on the internet asking for advice???

Women who I like, are normally what you would probably call the science/geeky girls (the ones who done all their homework on time etc in school/college, and the EXACT opposite of me) You know, the nice quiet girls who don’t really drink or smoke, do not particularly follow fashion the way I do, and normally are more focused on achieving higher goals (or at least, this is the way I perceive it)

Too narrow this rant down:

Do you find overly extrovert and confident men, not so ‘relationship material’
Or, as to say if you are quite a quiet person, do you find a people like this hard to get close too maybe? Is there a way that this personality clash could be over come?


Anyway, sorry if I sounded like a script for a Hugh Grant film, any advice would be greatly appreciated

[xxazurexx]

I always for some reason attract the opposite of me and attract men similar to you, outgoing, sociable, blah blah, yet I'm kinda quiet, an introvert. I've often wondered why I attract the opposite of me, but no I don't have a problem relating or getting close to people who are opposite of me and if there has been something there between us. None of my relationships lasted with men who were the opposite of me....personalities did eventually clash. Now I'd be looking for someone who is more like me.

[MynameisJesus]

I always for some reason attract the opposite of me and attract men like you, outgoing, sociable, blah blah, yet I'm kinda quiet, an introvert. I've often wondered why I attract the opposite of me, but no I don't have a problem relating or getting close to people who are opposite of me and if there has been something there between us. None of my relationships lasted with men who were the opposite of me....personalities did eventually clash. Now I'd be looking for someone who is more like me.

I think that's how love works for everybody. You look for that missing piece, a different personality. And after a while it turns out that girls with qualities I aprreciate so much have very serious pitfalls.
I don't think I can ever fall for someone who is like me but time will tell

[Take2]

I think that's how love works for everybody. You look for that missing piece, a different personality. And after a while it turns out that girls with qualities I aprreciate so much have very serious pitfalls.
I don't think I can ever fall for someone who is like me but time will tell

It's not like that for everyone. How could it be? That would mean that healthy people who are content with who they are could never fall in love!

Love can't fill a hole in who you are. If you are missing something from yourself, go find it for yourself. Once you are happy with who you are, you can love less desperately, love who you want instead of who you need due to your perceived flaws. I mean, it is nice to be with someone who is more organized than me, as that is not a natural strength of mine. But I am fully capable of keeping myself organized with effort, so I don't HAVE to rely on a mate for that. Knowing that I can take care of myself frees me to find a healthy love based on equal footing.

You may still love someone who is your opposite, iif that is what you are attracted to. Or you may not. But either way, it will be a healthier match.

[girl68]

Yes I would find someone like you not relationship material. But not for reasons you might think. I wouldn't like a guy like you because you sleep around too much. Sex is of no value to you. And while I don't need no virgin- I'd much rather have a guy who sees sex as something fun to share with a few select individuals. That and the fact you can't seem to commit.

If I were the geeky, quiet girl there would be no way to overcome this as you can't change your past.

[MynameisJesus]

It's not like that for everyone. How could it be? That would mean that healthy people who are content with who they are could never fall in love!

Love can't fill a hole in who you are. If you are missing something from yourself, go find it for yourself. Once you are happy with who you are, you can love less desperately, love who you want instead of who you need due to your perceived flaws. I mean, it is nice to be with someone who is more organized than me, as that is not a natural strength of mine. But I am fully capable of keeping myself organized with effort, so I don't HAVE to rely on a mate for that. Knowing that I can take care of myself frees me to find a healthy love based on equal footing.

You may still love someone who is your opposite, iif that is what you are attracted to. Or you may not. But either way, it will be a healthier match.

I'm not saying you have to have issues to fall in love. That's not how it should be, but it's how it was for me and still is for many teenagers out there.
I do have issues with confidence and discovering my sexuality and I constantly bust myself getting feelings for bimbo type of girls.
Love shouldn't fill a whole for something I am missing, I realize that. But right now some girls can push my buttons and I've called it love by mistake previously.
There's a famous quote " you can't love someone if you don't love yourself " and I truly believe that. Otherwise it becomes needing someone and you get obsessions and desperately falling for people which is unhealthy

"Healthy" people with no issues still have tendencies towards confident - unconfident / extravagant - introverted etc etc.
I believe you if you say that it's different for you. But then I wonder what it is that makes some men attractive for you and not others

[vertical_sky]

I'm a geeky girl, though I wouldn't by any stretch call myself quiet. I myself wouldn't consider you relationship material for a couple of reasons
1) By and large, "geeky" girls, especially those who excel academically, are not partier types. Yes, nerds can also have rollicking parties, but it's reserved for once or twice a semester, not every weekend. Geeky girls (stereotyping) generally don't smoke or drink. You sound kind of like a partier... you go to bars and clubs, you smoke (that's a HUGE deal breaker for me... ick ick ick.) This isn't wrong, if that's what you enjoy doing, but it generally isn't what geeky, shy girls enjoy doing. I wouldn't want to date someone who doesn't seem to enjoy spending their free time the same way I do (reading, video games, museum, what have you.)

2) Yes, you're very confident. Confident is good. But by chatting up so many girls, you send the message that flirting (and sex) aren't a sign that you're into someone, they're just something you do naturally. Let's say a guy chats me in a club. I think, Oh this guy is cute and we're flirting! But if I see him the next night, and he's acting the exact same way with a different girl, I'd assume he's either a player or just a flirtatious person, and I'd write him off. You probably flirt and chat up the girls you really want to be with... but you're not acting in a distinct way that shows you like THEM, above everyone else, and so they assume your flirting doesn't mean anything.

3) Again, confidence is good. But TOO MUCH can make you come across as very conceited. It's a fine line to walk. It's also my personal opinion that geeky girls can be a bit sensitive about "popular" outgoing guys making moves on them... They may think you're using them, or chatting them up for a laugh, due to issues they had back in high school. Yes, it's something we mature out of, but I still have a slight warning bell if a really hot/charismatic guy shows interest in me... My long experience makes me wonder what exactly he's up to, something I don't experience with "normal" guys. Fact is, I'd choose a "normal" guy over a hot/charismatic one any day, because the hot/charismatic one is sure to rub my insecurities raw.

Lastly, you say you're just attracted to these opposite, geeky girls. Why? What is it about them that attracts you? And taking an honest look at yourself, what is there about YOU that should attract THEM? Try to look at it from their perspective; what do they value, what do they want? Do you fit?

I think you have 3 choices. 1) Adjust your free time/hobbies a little bit more to appeal to geeky girls. Maybe lay off the clubbing and indulge in the booking. 2) Keep trying. You've only been "rejected" by a handful of geeky girls... If you keep on your current path, you're bound to find one who is both geeky but connects with you. It just may take a while. 3) Give up on the geeky girls and look for girls who are more like you.

[gigigi4]

i agree w/ vertical sky, you are definitiely giving off the "player" vibe, and this isn't going to work for a non-partying, academically focused girl. if you want a real relationship, you might want to lay off on the one night stands. also, it's not that you guys have to share all the same interests, as that could get boring, but if you really like a girl, you need to show her that you have a special interest in her as an individual, that is, not just pull out all the same flirty moves that you would use for a casual hookup w/ some random girl at the club.for example, invite her to do something that you know she likes to do.
on a more specific level, if a girl is not a smoker or a drinker, she will probably not be into someone who is, especially the smoking part. i don't smoke and a guy smoking is definitely a dealbreaker for me.

[red_sparrow]

You sound attractive.

Do you have a picture of yourself?

[smackie9]

Them girls can see right through your player persona. How about turning a new leaf and be a "normal" guy.

[MerryH]

Confident, assertive, outgoing, "unique" fashion sense, life of the party, etc. Do you ever turn this off? Do you ever chill out and stop making jokes to just have calm moments with people?

You sound like kind of a character and that can get old quickly, especially with the quiet geeky girls you're going for. And attention whoring (sorry, but come on, right?) can be a very unattractive quality to many.

[sookie6]

I think you mean well but you need to remember that girls learn from early on to be weary of guys like you...you're confident and extravert which means you would have no problem saying the same BS to any girl and women sense that...we don't want to be one of many..we want to feel unique...when we feel that a guy is struggling to make the first step but manages somehow and awkwardly to talk to us...we find that the cutest...

Also we usually prefer when a man has had a few long relationships rather than plenty of short experiences...it says a lot about his status as 'boyfriend material'..

Saying all this...I think you could be labelled as an Alpha male and some women love this! I'm not sure the geeky/uncomplicated girls would though...

Now I would love to see a pic of yours, it would be great because the way you described yourself makes you very different and special and the fact you are questioning yourself is proof that you're not only a pretty face...and that you want more out of a relationship...

My last question to you: what do you call 'normal' boys?