I have been flirting with a married woman & it's getting serious!

[Monk3y]

Hi work in job that involves me working in various locations on regular weekly vists. At one of the locations I have become friends with a married women who works their and we started flirting without first realising that we were doing it.

After knowing each other for a year we became friends on Facebook. She then started private messaging me regulary and making more flirty comments which I always replied in the same way. After a few months she asked for my mobile number and we started texting with each text getting more sexual and more deeper and what we feel for each other.

We have kissed once and both enjoyed it although we both feel bad about it. When we meet at work now she is very shy and apologises on text about it afterwards.

My background is I'm not married but I do live with my partner and we have been together for 6 years. We get on well and I do care for and have deep feelings for my partner. But for the last 5 years we have not had any kind of sex at all. I do try often but we are both a bit overweight and she says that she does not feel sexy. I have tried to make her feel sexy over the past 5 years with comments about how great she looks, romantic meals and gifts. In the last year it's got so bad that she will not even snog me. I don't know what else to do!

When I tell my close friends who are mostly single they laugh and say that they dont believe me. They don't believe that a bloke would stay in a relationship for 5 years with no sexual intimacies with their partner. To this day they think I'm either a saint or just plain lying!

The married women is saying that after 20 years of marriage I'm making here feel sexy again which she had forgotten how to feel like. She says that her feelings for me are getting stronger all the time.

What should I do about this whole mess as I think I'm falling in love with this married woman?

[sookie6]

I would not do anything regarding this married woman..I think that your flirting is only enlightening one thing: something is seriously wrong in your current relationship. You need to resolve it before jumping into another boat...

This married woman should do the same. very often we are attracted to someone else because of what they represent: an idealised option to an unfulfilled love life...I had the same happen within my very first relationship...I had a crush on an Australian young man I would never have had a future with...still he made me realise love was long gone off my then relationship...

[Monk3y]

Thanks for your wise comment and you are probably right but i still love my partner but there's no passion there. With the married women there is passion and I'm falling in love with her. It's not like I can stop seeing as she works with me.

I'm stuck between a rock and award place!

[sookie6]

You can't be in love with 2 people at the same time..It's one of my beliefs...one of them is LUST!

[bonekkalinda]

Okay reality check, You have a partner and she has a HUSBAND, okay are there any children involved in all of this? I'm assuming yes. It sounds to me that although you have feelings for your partner, the spark has died down, I mean 5 yrs is a long time, to throw everything away in one shot and forget about the person. But in regards to this married woman, I think what you are feeling is attention and you are craving the attention she gives you because you are not getting it from your partner. Please, I don't console cheating, I find that to be cruel, if you want to be with this woman, why don't the both of you have a serious talk, find out where you both stand, and break up with whomever you are with. Just don't do it behind their backs.

[tom84]

your in a long term relationship, and you are basically cheating with a married woman?

only advice I can give is... stop doing what you are doing...

you make me sick...

I'm sorry your partner hasn't had sex with you in 5 years, but that was your choice to stay in that relationship that long. If you are in a relationship, BE IN THAT RELATIONSHIP. If you want to go looking for another partner, END your relationship BEFORE looking! And DON'T look for MARRIED women...

[Violet571]

Having been the married woman in a similar situation, I would urge extreme caution. You may very well be in love with each other. But regardless, I think you'd be setting yourself up for a major fall if you were to become any more involved at this point. I agree with others that say to take a good look at your current relationship. I don't doubt that you care for her, but your needs are obviously not being met. You have every right to feel unhappy about that. Continuing with the status quo sounds like it would be unsustainable for you. Perhaps couples counseling would be a good route to go?

Best of luck.

[xxazurexx]

but your needs are obviously not being met. ....

Ok...let's blame his partner - give him more reason and to justify why an affair is the right way to go...LOL

On the offchance his needs are NOT being met and he's not just putting down his partner to justify his affair and to try and get sympathy from this forum - bringing a third person into the equation is NOT the answer!!!! If things are that bad at home....ask yourselves why he is still there and particularly if there are no kids???

If he thinks something is lacking, then he needs to sit down with his partner, talk to her and to resolve any issues he may have.

If they cannot be rectified, then he ENDS his current relationship and pursues another relationship and preferably with someone SINGLE!!

And it makes me vomit that his needs are assumed to be going unmet, when they are likely are not...that his partner is to blame. Classic married man excuse 'My wifey doesn't understand me'.....Awww diddums.

Perhaps he's REALLY just another dirty bastard and the idea of another woman between the sheets appeals.

[HeartIsAching]

5 years without? It's time to move on. Life's too short to live like a monk.

As regards the married woman - that's something that she needs to work out on her own. If she decides she wants to move on, and get involved with you afterward that's one thing, but I wouldn't recommend getting involved with her at all if she's still with her husband. Not because of him, but because she may get complacent if you do, getting the best of both worlds.

[xxazurexx]

5 years without? It's time to move on. Life's too short to live like a monk.

So he claims and I'm finding it difficult to buy.

If it's that bad, why hasn't he left? Not like he has to go through a divorce, they are just living together....and he mentions no kids either which makes it even easier to leave. This man could walk out at anytime and if he isn't truly happy.

Shame we couldn't get his partners side of things.

There are always TWO sides.

[Violet571]

I don't know...it doesn't really make sense to go to an anonymous online forum for advice and lie. That would be very strange. But what do I know? Also, for clarification- my comment about needs not being met *wasn't* meant to justify an affair. On the contrary, I meant that he should fix or leave his current relationship if he is not happy with the state of things.

[misombra]

You need to leave this woman alone. A little no contact will get you right over the love thing. Tell her to contact you when she's divorced. You have your own shit to deal with. No sex for that long= friendship, not a relationship. You need to leave the married woman alone and work out your own problems.

[xxazurexx]

I don't know...it doesn't really make sense to go to an anonymous online forum for advice and lie. That would be very strange. But what do I know? Also, for clarification- my comment about needs not being met *wasn't* meant to justify an affair. On the contrary, I meant that he should fix or leave his current relationship if he is not happy with the state of things.

A lot of them will still try to justify their reasons for cheating....online forum or not.

Cheaters seek validation for their cheating ways - but as we know, there are no valid reasons to cheat and when there is a choice always open to them, they can leave.

[HeartIsAching]

So he claims and I'm finding it difficult to buy.

If it's that bad, why hasn't he left? Not like he has to go through a divorce, they are just living together....and he mentions no kids either which makes it even easier to leave. This man could walk out at anytime and if he isn't truly happy.

Shame we couldn't get his partners side of things.

There are always TWO sides.

I did it for 4+ years with my 2nd son's mother, hoping that I could fix a hopelessly broken relationship. Obviously, that didn't work. It was about 80% my doing, too. Oh well, things have worked out for the best after all, which they have seem to have a way of doing.

[xxazurexx]

I did it for 4+ years with my 2nd son's mother, hoping that I could fix a hopelessly broken relationship. Obviously, that didn't work. It was about 80% my doing, too. Oh well, things have worked out for the best after all, which they have seem to have a way of doing.

Would you have stayed and if there wasn't a child involved though?