Completely Numb Right Now

[Petit Papillon]

kinda the same thing happened with my sister. my sister found a piece of paperwork that attached her husband to a rental. she went there, nobody was home, but there was a note on the door from a girl. "(ex husbands name), can't wait to see you again baby see you later honey." or some shit.

ugh, disgusting.

Eugh, I can't imagine how much you have to be ****ed up in your head to pursue two different lifes with two different partners/families. It's really something worse than cheating, it's sociopathic behaviour.

[MerryH]

In the five stages of grief, I am currently in Anger.

Anger with a good dose of Denial, so far. Oh wait, we also had Bargaining, when you planned to maybe see her again if she drops Craig. What stage is next? You've got Depression and Acceptance left. How exciting! If this sounds condescending, I assure you I don't mean it to be. But if you're going by that five stages thing, then you're almost through, right? In a couple of days/weeks/months, when you have a few meaningless flings under your belt, she won't even mean that much to you. Hopefully.

[xxazurexx]

^Different stages can last longer than others. Plus we can continue to move back and forth between stages....from anger and back to denial, from anger to depression. Acceptance takes a l-o-n-g time to reach and even in acceptance we can still experience anger, bouts of denial.....it's a long drawn out process and not as simple as just moving from one stage to another. Has anyone close to you ever died? The stages are exactly the same, as losing someone to death.

[Lovable]

Vince, I just hope that you don't take this girl back.

This whole story that she has a few days to prepare smacks of a bad horror movie, probably is from 1.

[Wizard]

I'm with being alpha. She did you soooo wrong, dude. The best thing you can do is take your mind off of her, even if it means deleting her completely. She should not exist to you anymore. Do yourself that favor, would you.

[SelflessnHumble]

Are you threatening me? I don't care if you are a mod here, your post is out of line. If you bounce me out Loveforum because I'm not following specific advice here, you are setting a dangerous precedent that will drive members away.

Even if PP was threatening you (which she was not) You don't see your machismo take front and center?
You are making this about Craig, then side stepping taking it out on a member who is just as upset as you are (because Amy's a piece of shit)
based on your posts about her! It's true truth is self evident, and the denial is strong with you unfortunately but dude, I've been the victim as well as the perp...

If you did take her back, PP is right. Who in their right mind would follow your advice when you can't even follow it yourself?

This isn't all about Craig, not even partly.
She wasn't a prisoner of war nor love. She willfully stayed with him, she happily LIED to you for years. Outside of $500/month what incentive did she have to stay with you?
This is how psychos negotiate internally if they should stay with someone; not out of love/feelings: out of dollar signs.
Whether he has a gun, a knife is irrelevant...When someone wants out: they get out: basic human instinct: survival supersedes fear.

Kicking his ass-losing your job, your place and your integrity isn't worth it: if anyone deserves their ass beat: it's AMY! and I don't condone/tolerate
that kind of shit even if a woman strikes first, feel me?

[sweetkissesforu]

VincenzoG91 do you think that maybe he has fabricated this story

[MerryH]

^Different stages can last longer than others. Plus we can continue to move back and forth between stages....from anger and back to denial, from anger to depression. Acceptance takes a l-o-n-g time to reach and even in acceptance we can still experience anger, bouts of denial.....it's a long drawn out process and not as simple as just moving from one stage to another. Has anyone close to you ever died? The stages are exactly the same, as losing someone to death.

Thanks, Debbie Downer, I know how it works. I was so wrong to encourage him to get over it quickly. It was very helpful of you to correct me on that. Do you have any more bad news you'd like to share?

[xxazurexx]

. It was very helpful of you to correct me on that.

Cheers and anytime

Do you have any more bad news you'd like to share?

Nah...honesty maybe.

He's a grown man, not a child.

[sookie6]

Has anyone close to you ever died? The stages are exactly the same, as losing someone to death.

I SO agree with this....it breaks my heart...

[ammi00]

I SO agree with this....it breaks my heart...

me too *sigh*

[Herkymur]

Seriously...go to a counselor. You're going to internalize this and it will affect future relationships and you will self-destruct or sabotage them. Hearts heal. It's going to take some time. Stay busy. Get out as often as you can with friends. DON'T sit at home alone. I've been going through a very minor version of what you have and I'm still trying to breathe. Good luck, bro. You'll be ok...Mmmm, tears at my heart reading your story. Amazing.

[Starry Night]

Vince,

Skype me and I will talk some sense into you! username: hazzardcounty01

[Petit Papillon]

Hmm he's not coming to LF since few days... It could be a bad sign.

[Charisma]

It's a shame...

What started out as her *so called* fiance turning up to find out you weren't an ex landlord has turned into both she and he stringing stories along and keeping the ball in the air.

The main thing is, that she has broke your trust. Perhaps with reluctance (from his blackmailing), but then again, perhaps not. You're absolutely right to gather the facts, and it would do no harm whatsoever to listen to your neighbour's concern for safety. Even if he is her fiance after all, he may still be a controlling, paranoid guy. He may assume that if she goes missing, that he can drive to yours to find out if she's there. What else may be worrying is that even if you cut all ties with her, he may still suspect you of being in the picture.

I can offer no indication on if her story is false, or if his is false(or even what parts may be more likely to be true). It would be ideal to get in contact with a close friend or family member of hers to find out, or even better to find out solid facts via research. Personally, I find it iffy that 1- she would take so long to tell the man she wants that there is a controlling blackmailer in her life, 2- that the fiance would try to glee as much info from you as possible after the fact of definitely finding out she cheated (do people really want every gory detail of the lie? Because you don't, you're taking the mature approach and moving on.), and 3-she would take so long between you being visited by the fiance/blackmailer to arrange to, attend to, or try to speak about the situation by phone. It's a rather big issue here that needs/needed dealt with.

There is also the fact that for probably as long as she's been with you, she's been with fiance/blackmailer. If you've been so open with your life, it's likely he's been open about his. She will be able to quote things about him to cover up incidents, as well as assuming you've not suspected the other incidents that she gave either the truth or excuses for already. That may be the reason he's asking questions about what she says/you say, because she could be using you as an excuse while chatting to him about incidents. It's a bit like when I was in highschool, I never forgot about homework I hadn't done for a class- I was always nervous before that class, and always had a lie in my head, even tho the truth was that I couldn't and more often didn't want to motivate myself to do homework at home. The excuse (or the truth, if I had told them) didn't take away the fact that the homework wasn't done, no matter how much more innocent the lie made me look.

Whatever happens, and whatever the truth may be, I hope you realise that this girl may never be able to have a healthy functional relationship (at the very least, if she hasn't totally lied and got 2 fiances, then she's prone to enabling blackmailers). You are being very mature and intellegent in seeking help about your own issues you feel you have, and I really commend you on that. I hope that everything turns out well for you, and that you are no longer dragged down by this unneccessary drama.