Whats next

[happycow]

I have known a guy 2 months ago over the phone. He would like me to be his friend. I still cannot believe that feelings can happen over the phone, and he is on the other part of AU. Can this really happen? He said it is real. I have asked if he has feelings for me and he admitted that.

But after 2 months, I think things have cooled down a lot. I am getting very angry now because I don't know if he is being playful or serious. But as a professional not having so much time on hand, I don't think he is playful. He is still getting over with his ex wife, so I don't want to rush things. I rang him for nutritional advise. His office is very busy, and phones always ring, so our conversations are very short and brief.

2 months ago, he has asked a lot questions about myself and I never got the chance to ask him too many questions about him. I don't want to get too close so soon as I don't know too much of him, and I am not prepared for a real relationship with him. He does not make me feel good now. Sometimes I wonder if he just wants someone to kill time, and if we will have a chance to meet up in the future? The thought of being too close to him makes me feel uncomfortable, because I cannot trust that he can give me what I want. I have asked him to ring me more often, he said he would like to, but I think he is just too busy. But still I am not satisfied.

A month ago, I told him that I would like to put him aside out of fear, and he suggested to take it slow and easy, which I agreed. Now it is really very very very slow. These days I am not thinking too much of him like before and sometimes thought of him does not make me feel good. I know he is so concentrated on his work and profession, and I am also so concentrated on my own stuff. He is not the centre of my life. But the thought that he is not serious or the chance that we will neve meet up or he just wants someone to kill time makes feel unsettled.

I want some of your opinons. A month ago, my father has died, and I rang him out of desperation. He expressed his regretfulness upon hearing the news, and I was expecting he would call back to console me. But it never happened. Does he really care for me? He did call back after work, but just chatting with me, and follow ups on some nutritional advise for me. Last month it was quite hot, and now it is just so cool and distant.

I still cannot believe a long distance thing can last if both parties do not want to put in efforts. He obviously wants care and concern, but I feel he is holding back a lot, and the same for me too. He is not the centre of my life. I have my own stuff to worry about. He is just like an assitant for me. However, somehow I still hope that he is not being playful. And recently we have a lot of flooding in Au, and he never called back to check up.

It is really hard to get to know someone just by phone, or get to someone close enough just by phone. How can this be serious and lasting if the conversations are so short? How can this be real if both parties never meet up sometime in the future? But even for now, I cannot enjoy so much of it like before, because the distance thing makes everything very hard, and hard for me to believe that it is real or can be real in the future.

I also don't know what I want. I hope he is not being playful, but I don't want it to be too close so early on. I just want to know more about him for me, to know more about him, and to develop deeper conversations with him. But can short chats over the phone afford that? So, sometimes I am quite frustrated that I cannot know so much of him. And all of this seems to me that it is like a play.

[johhnymac]

Have you even met this guy in person? I think that even though phone conversations can be a big part of couples getting to know one another, you still need face-to-face contact in order for anything real to develop.

It sounds like this guy's not serious about you. I would move on if I were you.

[SelflessnHumble]

A mature man/woman KNOWS what they want.
You also cannot dictate terms as to how a relationship is going to flow naturally.
People afraid of commitment and people who are controlling do this.

If he didn't call you just to see how you were doing based on the possible scenario you could have died in the floods: he don't give a shit.
Unconventional people are able to "like" people over the phone, become infatuated with your voice, your stories, and commonly pretend to
like what you like to convey a false sense of a bond/having things in common. Fortune Tellers also do this too...

Solution: You are wasting your time with someone who has full and complete autonomy to call you whenever HE feels like it.
While you sit there with a thumb up your ass waiting for his call/next move...Move on, and don't be desperate: meet someone near you, not
in a neighboring country, more like a city/town/province.

[Boisdevie]

Long distance relationship = no relationship. Stop wasting your life and find somebody in your own town - you know, somebody who can hold your hand etc.

[xxazurexx]

You contradict yourself in your posting. You don't want to get close nor are you are ready for a relationship....yet you will be pissed off to find he's just playing you?? WTF??

Despite what you say about not wanting to get close, I reckon you are wayyyyyy more invested in this, than he seems to be.

As far as getting to know someone well on a phone, yes I believe you can....if they make an effort to contact regularly and consistantly and you talk for long periods. This guy doesn't seem to make much of an effort.

I suspect that all you are, is an 'ego boost' for him.

[happycow]

When he asked me to he his friend, his tone was so sincere. Even up till now, he sometimes asked about my opinion of his voice. Its just the time spent is too short. He suggested to take it slow. I might ask him how slow he wants. I don't want to seem too needy, so I don't want always to ring him at work. I don't want to get too close because of fear of getting hurt. But it is a good feeling that someone is after me. I always express that long distance thing is very troublesome, but last month he said nothing is impossible.

And my ex bf told me that when his mother died, his wife was not consoling him even though they were married. He said sometimes things don't turn out the way you want. Is it true for real relationships and marriages? Then there will be no hope for any real relationships at all.

And it does not feel good being ignored by someone, because usu I dumped boys and never dumped by boys. They were always after me, and that makes me feel good.