Hi, I am new to the forums; I need a good place to vent some of my frustration.

I'll begin with a story, it begins in my college class. I wasn't really looking for anyone for awhile, and I was introduced to this girl from another friend. She is from Pakistan (this is where the trouble starts, I know how to pick em for sure), and I being new to the city really wanted someone to talk to, and spend some time with anyway. Everyone else I know went to the school with their friends, so I find myself constantly alone day in and day out, some weekends i go back home and get to see my friends. This is not the healthiest environment to struggle with romance because I am so alone,

I don't usually get bad responses from woman, I have been told many times I am very attractive. Anyway I went home for the break and she stayed here (I usually saw her after class), I saw her about 3 times outside of class and we were texting a lot and talking on the phone before the break. However during the break things changed, she started to seem urm ... too busy? All of a sudden. I started ignoring her and not talking to her as often because I did not want to seem desperate. I thought things would change when I got back because she was still sending me real sweet messages and telling me good things. I got her on facebook and that was the first blow ... bam ... she is in a relationship, however she kept toying with it and one day it said she was not, another day it said she was, I asked her and she said he was a friend. I was relieved for awhile until we stopped really talking over christmas, and she was too busy for me all of a sudden. I smoked my troubles away on the pipe and waited to get back to see her, she was still too busy and was blatently ignoring me at points.

She said we would do something and then we wouldn't, told me to call her and she didn't answer, told me to meet up and she would have something on. I finally wrote her a little poem, sealed it with a flower, and met up with her to give it to her. she seemed happy, even excited to see it, she told me to call her. I texted, called, no answer, we have not seen each other since. I tried to seem different with that surprise, because it took BALLS to do that. I find im not the best at expressing how I feel sometimes, so I wanted to tell her.. I had to tell her.

I know its about time to walk away, my heart says she has met someone else. Still, it seems really unfair that one of the only familiar faces in the city is gone; and I am left to wallow in my isolation. I am thinking about pursuing multiple people at once (you ladies would call me a bastard for this), because I am tired of wasting my time, effort and energy on one person who will just **** off in the end. If you have ever pursued women or dated them, you would know how I feel. If I start seeing several people, does it make me the bad guy? Really I think I am a really nice person, but when my efforts on one person go without reward, it is time to see more than one.

I find that my family socially has had little success when it comes to friends and relationships too, and this depresses me. My one brother has aspergers syndrome (no friends, nobody ever over, no gf's). My other brother is tortured by his emotions (substance abuse problems, emotional problems), I am plunked right in the middle of a family without friends in our community. We were quite isolated from Church groups, hockey, baseball, sunday schoo letc... where bonds usually form, even first romantic ones. I am almost 20 years old, and I have never had a relationship where it's like public and all (people know we each are seeing each other). I come home sometimes to my empty apartment, my brother in his room, it's so quiet I can just hear the wind gusting. I wonder if it will be like this forever, and I cry some days, I really do. I'd like friends as well in the city, but male friends cannot give me much more than I have already. I'd like to see more woman, I see the way they look at me and I know I am appealing to them, but something in my mind often scrambles to a halt and I watch them pass. I feel anxious alot, and my anxiety is intimidating because I don't say much because of it. I was throughly rejected and taunted in middle school by girls, now I am older, much more attractive 5'9 160 lbs, 29' waist, strong jaw, muscular figure, and I dress well, however I think my self esteem has taken a good shot from middle school, and maybe i have not put myself out there enough. I do feel sometimes because of my inexperience with romantic relationships, I am a tad emotionally immature. And because of harsh rejections, I often fail to express how I feel early enough. Any thoughts?