my boyfriends best friend just died a few days ago

[mollychambers]

THIS is what he should be doing.
Since he likes being the hero: taking into account YOUR feelings should matter just as much if not more to him
than the girlfriend...What he told you about not wanting to be attached to someone tells me more than what you're willing to see at this point in time.

But that is the thing, I don't need a hero right now, she does, he has repeatedly told me to just not worry about things with us. I told me he doesn't want to be attached to anybody because he doesn't want to wind up like his friends girlfriend, completely devastated.

[mollychambers]

Honestly, I get that: but it's your choice to go: to comfort him: the fact he wants
you NOT to be there to comfort him: tells me something is amiss here. (based on experience) not based on bias.

This is something I understand about him, he has some jealousy issues. example: if he likes a band first he gets mad when they get popular, if he tells a joke anyone else who tells it has to know he said it first. Therefor it's his friend, not mine, why would I go to the funeral? That's just how he is.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

He doesn't want to be attached to you, so you need to cut it off completely. Not be on a break, end it.

[SelflessnHumble]

He doesn't want to be attached to you, so you need to cut it off completely. Not be on a break, end it.

You big meanie!

[mollychambers]

He doesn't want to be attached to you, so you need to cut it off completely. Not be on a break, end it.

I know that breaking up is not the answer, I am just overreacting, I know he isn't going to cheat on me or fall in love with her, the only thing I am worried and scared about is him feeling a connection with her that he will never feel with me. Selfish, I know. I have 100% trust in him, when he told me he didn't want to be attached to anyone I got super sad but he still calls me when he wakes up and when he goes to bed aka he did not break up with me. He needs space, I understand that, it's just hard to give space without seeming to completely disappear.

[SelflessnHumble]

This is something I understand about him, he has some jealousy issues. example: if he likes a band first he gets mad when they get popular, if he tells a joke anyone else who tells it has to know he said it first. Therefor it's his friend, not mine, why would I go to the funeral? That's just how he is.

A jealous boyfriend SUCKS.
He's out of his mind if a band he likes gets popular, as if it says, "I'm so awesome I know how to pick out good bands that aren't popular"
He gets mad because (since they become popular) it says, "I'm just like everyone else" "I'm unoriginal."
He sounds full of himself: or full of shit. He didn't CREATE shit, so he doesn't have any room to complain about someone else liking what he likes, or does *1st*

You don't get it: you are allowing his previous actions to dictate what he does NOW, and what you are and aren't allowed to do.
Why would you go to the funeral? To be there for him. Of course if you did; you wouldn't allow him to be "who he is?" -This sounds asinine.

[mollychambers]

A jealous boyfriend SUCKS.
He's out of his mind if a band he likes gets popular, as if it says, "I'm so awesome I know how to pick out good bands that aren't popular"
He gets mad because (since they become popular) it says, "I'm just like everyone else" "I'm unoriginal."
He sounds full of himself: or full of shit. He didn't CREATE shit, so he doesn't have any room to complain about someone else liking what he likes, or does *1st*

You don't get it: you are allowing his previous actions to dictate what he does NOW, and what you are and aren't allowed to do.
Why would you go to the funeral? To be there for him. Of course if you did; you wouldn't allow him to be "who he is?" -This sounds asinine.

Well it's just he thinks it wrong for someone to go to the funeral that didn't know him. It's most likely going to be one of those funerals of a teen where the whole high school shows up. He hates that.

[SelflessnHumble]

I know that breaking up is not the answer, I am just overreacting, I know he isn't going to cheat on me or fall in love with her, the only thing I am worried and scared about is him feeling a connection with her that he will never feel with me. Selfish, I know. I have 100% trust in him, when he told me he didn't want to be attached to anyone I got super sad but he still calls me when he wakes up and when he goes to bed aka he did not break up with me. He needs space, I understand that, it's just hard to give space without seeming to completely disappear.

This post is incredibly naive.
You honestly have ZERO clue what he is feeling -more to the point feeling about you and your relationship.
All you are doing is speculating and lying to yourself until HE actually says out loud what his actions are stating loud and clear for all to see (except you)

Calling you when you wake, or when you go to sleep doesn't mean you are still together.
He doesn't need space! YOU are his girl, not the other girl...Their only connection is ONE person, who is now dead.
He should be seeking YOUR attention, your comfort, people who FEEL secure in another person go to them for comfort:

HE does not feel secure enough to go to you, end of sentence.
He has not made the effort one should make towards you.
I can call my ex right now and wish her good night. It doesn't mean I love her.

[SelflessnHumble]

Well it's just he thinks it wrong for someone to go to the funeral that didn't know him. It's most likely going to be one of those funerals of a teen where the whole high school shows up. He hates that.

This is farking ridiculous.
IT is NOT his call, do you see this?

You are in denial.

[mollychambers]

Well let's just leave it at this, I'l come back in a week and let ya know how things are going.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Breaking up is most certainly the answer if, you don't want this feeling of lonliness and worthlessness to continue. Right now he gets exactly what he wants, with no effort or thought toward how it affects you. It would be one thing if he wanted you to be there for him, but he doesn't. Do what you want, but you deserve whatever further heartbreak comes your way, because you have the power to stop it right now. If he really loves you, he will come back. You're young and it won't last anyway, but the fun isn't in the knowledge, it's in learning from experience, so have a blast!

[SelflessnHumble]

But that is the thing, I don't need a hero right now, she does, he has repeatedly told me to just not worry about things with us. I told me he doesn't want to be attached to anybody because he doesn't want to wind up like his friends girlfriend, completely devastated.

How in the world do you be in a committed relationship without getting attached? What does that even mean?

2nd, she doesn't NEED him to be that hero!!!
She has her friends, her family as well as the victim's family to be there for comfort...

You just don't see it as clearly as we do because your emotions are compromised.