Friendship or relationship?

[mayhem2011]

Hi all,

Well How do i explain this..........
I met him two and half years ago through friends. I instantly wanted to get to know him better and doing this was quiet easy as we were both working on a community project together. Overtime we have become very good friends and now do a lot of community work together. Throughout these 2 and half years, what started as a crush has grown much deeper. So does he feel the same?

He knows how i feel about him and I'm not sure he feels the same way.
We have been on a hand full of casual dates, that have never always seemed like a date to myself as we end up talking about many issues relating to the community projects we do together.He is very busy person with the different community work and has concentrated on his career and is now doing well for himself, so this does not leave much time to go on dates. So are they dates?

He is a very shy when it comes to having a relationship, and appears to have little experience. No one knows of him having a serious relationship. We have never been intimate with each other and my guess would be that he has little experience, not that i find this a problem. But does he ? as i have a child already. It took him a long time to tell me that he likes me, and to ask me out. This has took a long time and this is why I'm left feeling confused, as every time we tell each other how we feel after wards he always seems withdrawn. This has caused many arguments between us because i struggle to understand how you can tell someone you "love" them and then appear to avoid contact with them for days.

The people around us constantly make jokes about us, the usuals whens the wedding, and i have a hat ready ect. This makes me, and I'm sure it does him too, feel very uneasy and embarrassed. As we have never declared a relationship between us its just the "atmosphere" we create apparently.

I have tried to pull myself away from him several times before, but every time i do he just keeps making more contact relating to community work. Is this his way of trying to keep it going or is he just scared of losing a good friend? Recently i have pulled out of helping him with a work situation (involving a hearing) as the notes that was given to me by himself from his company, made him out to be a compulsive liar. I sent an email to him stating that i could not attend this meeting with him after reading the notes as i was left feeling confused about his character, as he has lied to me in the past. Since then he seems to constantly be ringing or texting with what i would call none important issues relating to community work. And making a conversation from this.

I love him very much and find it difficult to understand if he feels the same or if all the contact is just to keep a friendship between us.

[Emerald_Dreams]

You have a kid. Sorry, but for most men that constitutes "baggage", and very few men will want to deal with YOUR baggage.

[mayhem2011]

He knew i had a kid before we even became close. My daughter is 6 now and although im sure many men see this as "baggage", Im not sure how my baggage is relevent to my orignal post unless your suggesting this is why things have progressed no further ........because i have a child. :S

[Emerald_Dreams]

your suggesting this is why things have progressed no further ........because i have a child. :S

That is exactly what I'm suggesting.

[mayhem2011]

Well Thanks..... Although im not sure this is truly the reason.
But it's certainly eye opening to know how men think of women that already have a child. Lets hope there are more men around that are open minded because there is a lot of single mums around these days.

[OkieDokie]

He knew i had a kid before we even became close. My daughter is 6 now and although im sure many men see this as "baggage", Im not sure how my baggage is relevent to my orignal post unless your suggesting this is why things have progressed no further ........because i have a child. :S

That is probably it right there.

I have friends that wouldn't even go beyond talking to a woman with a kid. Some guys its a big deal, others don't care.

[Emerald_Dreams]

But it's certainly eye opening to know how men think of women that already have a child.

The things you do in your past have relevance in your future.

Lets hope there are more men around that are open minded because there is a lot of single mums around these days.

Why do people have to change for you?

[mayhem2011]

I'm not asking anyone to change ............
I can see your view on this quite clearly, my daughter to you is "baggage" And your opinion comes across as being very small minded!!!
I'm not asking for more open minded men I'm just hoping there is some, for all the single mums out in this world today.
Maybe we should wait for another response ?
or Maybe I'm wrong and to every man Children from a previous relationship are seen as "baggage" and a reason not to continue a relationship.

[Happylad]

Well Thanks..... Although im not sure this is truly the reason.
But it's certainly eye opening to know how men think of women that already have a child. Lets hope there are more men around that are open minded because there is a lot of single mums around these days.

Thats not the reason unless hes a idiot

[Emerald_Dreams]

I can see your view on this quite clearly, my daughter to you is "baggage"

Yep, that is exactly right. I'm sure your daughter is a wonderful child, but unfortunately she is a relic of your past - baggage from your past. I'm not telling you to get rid of her, but you have to accept the fact that, because you have a child, you now have less freedom within the dating world.

Maybe I'm wrong and to every man Children from a previous relationship are seen as "baggage" and a reason not to continue a relationship.

For most men? Yes. Not all, but most.

Thats not the reason unless hes a idiot

He doesn't want a woman with kids therefore he is an idiot? Stunning insight there.

[OkieDokie]

Well Thanks..... Although im not sure this is truly the reason.
But it's certainly eye opening to know how men think of women that already have a child. Lets hope there are more men around that are open minded because there is a lot of single mums around these days.

I personally wouldn't care if a woman I was interested in had a child . Having a kid is just part of who the person is, just like she was tall or short IMO. I don't think has to do with being open minded. Dating someone with a child present another set of potential obsticles, some people don't want to deal with it. If I date someone with a child and I have a bad experience, I may change my mind about dating single moms, who knows.

[OkieDokie]

Thats not the reason unless hes a idiot

An idiot? really? Being a mom is part of what a women with a child brings to the table, I think its a perfectly valid reason to not be attracted to someone just like some guys/women like short/tall/blonde/long hair/short hair.

I met up with a with a women with a child, she said several times during the night that it's hard to find a guy BECAUSE of her child. She said thats the excuse they gave her, so maybe they were taking the easy road but multiple guys have told her that. I told her it doesn't bother me, we'll see if she responds to my asking her out again.

[mayhem2011]

Dating someone with a child present another set of potential obsticles, some people don't want to deal with it.

I very much agree with this. I was trying to state that if this was a problem surely he would never have told me how he felt about me, or if me having daughter was an issue i would have hoped he would have spoken to me about it before now.

[Emerald_Dreams]

An idiot? really? Being a mom is part of what a women with a child brings to the table, I think its a perfectly valid reason to not be attracted to someone just like some guys/women like short/tall/blonde/long hair/short hair.

Exactly.

What if you want to start your own family? She might not want to because she already has children.

[mayhem2011]

Just so we are all clear here, He has told me he loves me, sent me flowers once to say sorry and we have kissed several times. All the time knowing i had a daughter.