Run away girlfriend

[skumraket]

I'm 29 and I'm beginning to think I have a problem with relationships. Since I was 14, I have been in and out of "long term" (Between 1-4 year long) relationships. I've only really been single for a year, when I literally had to force myself to stay that way. All my previous relationships have ended with me feeling trapped and like I am suffocating. I have a habit of moving away when I break up with someone too, which now means I have had over 20 different apartments in 4 different countries over the last 8 years. Now I'm in another relationship (2 years and counting). I am really happy with my boyfriend; we get along great, laugh together and we truly love each other. But at the same time, I am starting to feel trapped again and I'm fighting the urge to break up and move away again. I feel that if I can't be content with my current boyfriend, I will never be content in any other relationship. I guess my question is whether I should suppress these feelings of wanting to escape and face the music of being in a "real" relationship or whether I perhaps am a person who will never find lasting happiness with someone else? I've always believed the running away was because I hadn't found "the one", but I'm starting to think I am actually the one with the problem.

[Emerald_Dreams]

There's no such thing as "the one". You're just using that as a front to cover up your real problem of having serious commitment issues.

[twinrexes]

Bingo. You are the one with the problem. I used to feel like I lived my life out of a suitcase because I was always "moving on". I didn't get married until age 40. Because I FORCED myself to stay.

Granted, it took me 3 years of living with him before we finally set a wedding date. (When I look at the wedding video, I can still see the terror in my eyes as I walk down the isle). And I would never have gotten off the fence about having a child if I hadn't found myself pregnant at 45. After all, you can't change your mind and return your child to the store, which is why I could never make up my mind. Not that I'd want to return him, lol, I LOVE my son!

I'm married 11 years and I STILL fight urges to move on sometimes. But that is me. I do this in every aspect of my life. So does my brother (married 3 times, never happy with where he works, cheated on his current wife).

They say that the best way to "fix" this stuff is to go through therapy and see what your family of origin did to screw you up. Personally, I think it might have helped me understand myself but it's never really helped me change!

Hope that helps.

[skumraket]

Thanks for your feedback. It really helps. I have realised that I'm the one with the problem - and not all my ex boyfriends (who could form a soccer team together by now, sigh). My family origin wasn't that ****ed up really, I had a happy childhood but my parents did get divorced when I was 15 and couldn't be in the same room which each other for years to come, and it did make me question the point of families/relationships. Interestingly enough, I have an older sister who has been doing pretty much the same thing as me over the years: Breaking up with people, moving away, getting a new boyfriend, getting sick of it, breaking up, moving away... and so on. Coincidence? Could be. I have however decided to give my current relationship a real go and do my best to stay. I do love him and he is my best friend, can't imagine my life without him but at the same time I fear that I cannot commit to one person for the the rest of my life. Twinrexes, I completely understand what you mean by hesitating to have children since it's a place of no return. On the one hand, I really want children but on the other it's oh so scary since it would mean I'd have to stay put and deal with that choice FOREVER AND EVER. I can never decide. God. I probably need therapy :/

[skumraket]

Haha, I love the way the forum actually censured f u c k e d u p. So American!

[Bonfire]

all my ex boyfriends (who could form a soccer team together by now, sigh)

When you put it that way, it sounds disgusting....

[JadenMia]

What is the reason you split up with your exes?
Do you make excuses why their not good enough?

Kinda sounds like me.. My family joke that im going to be the 'runaway bride' haha. I find great guys, guys that are perfect for me, guys that would bend over backwards for me and would be labelled a 'perfect guy'.. But i just find ways to get away from them. When it starts getting serious, i just bail. Always have done.. Guys like this kinda repulse me and i feel that suffocation that you explain. But then again, i seem to latch on to inapropriate guys. I still feel that suffocation, boredom and like i want to be single and find 'the one'.. But i cannot leave those type of men for some reason because i 'love' them too much. Thats the worst feeling..

I think you should sit down and really think about what you want. What it is your actually looking for. You say your waiting for the one. What is that to you, what do you feel like your atcually waiting for? I would maybe even get some therapy so you might be able to understand why you do this. Thats what i would like to do too. Good luck!