no sex in relationship

[warriormaiden]

She is irritated that you keep asking. Women get that way when a male would just not shut the f*ck up and take no for an answer.

2. You try squeezing something the size of a Buick out of your pee hole, and lets see how your sex drive is afterwards!

Yes she is being rude, by calling you names and getting angry. But that's because you keep going at it. I think it has nothing to do with her being insensitive (in the way of not wanting to have sex) and everything to do with she just having a baby. Have you ever thought that maybe, she doesn't feel comfortable with her body at the moment? Or maybe she's depressed, and just keeping it to herself?

[twinrexes]

He's already posted that he helps out a LOT with the baby, not sure about the older kids.

But I do think it's important to note that she loved sex before and during the pregnancy, so much so that you could barely keep up. Even though there were already two kids to take care of. And it all stopped once she had the baby. So, she never thought sex was for perverts until she had the baby. She's now done a complete one eighty.

Sorry, Emerald Dreams, but hormones are not "an excuse" and could very well have something to do with this. They can certainly responsible for an increase in sex drive during pregnancy. You don't have to be a medically trained professional (even though I am one, so please don't use your training as a trump card) to do a little research online about "sex drive after pregnancy". Loss of libido is a very common problem for women post partum. So is post partum depression. I've experienced both myself and got HELP for it!

The real trouble comes if she isn't willing to seek help for it or see it as a problem. And it sounds like this might be the case. I think both partners in this situation could use some help with their attitudes toward sex (her with sex in general, him with masturbation).

[vashti]

Sorry, Emerald Dreams, but hormones are not "an excuse" and could very well have something to do with this.

After knowing him for all these years, I believe he would say that he doesn't care if she has no desire. She is obligated to provide for him regardless. (He's been banned again.)

[Kaius]

Now why would you make a baby with someone knowing that there will be no sex afterwards? Women get tired, irritated, grumpy and mean after having a baby. This lasts for years.
From experience, I know things will get worse. Babies and relationships don't mix. You pick one or the other, not both. If you get one woman pregnant, you better have an escape plan.
No point in sticking around if you want sex and happiness.

[Take2]

Now why would you make a baby with someone knowing that there will be no sex afterwards? Women get tired, irritated, grumpy and mean after having a baby. This lasts for years.
From experience, I know things will get worse. Babies and relationships don't mix. You pick one or the other, not both. If you get one woman pregnant, you better have an escape plan.
No point in sticking around if you want sex and happiness.

Oh, BS. I had 6 weeks of postpartum blues, very mild, with my first. And I would probably have gotten over it more quickly if my ex hadn't decided it was all about him and added another baby for me to care for (him). With my second I didn't even have the blues at all, I just had to physically heal and I was ready to go (sadly, my ex's libido decreased steadily through our marriage so I had no willing partner waiting for me at all after the second baby). Every woman I know well enough to discuss these things has had an active sex life soon after childbirth and ongoing after.

[smackie9]

To sum all this up, both need to seek a doctor's advice about treatment, rather than him looking for help off a damn relationship forum on the net. Makes me wonder about the maturity level of this guy.

[SelflessnHumble]

She is irritated that you keep asking. Women get that way when a male would just not shut the f*ck up and take no for an answer.

Ask yourself WHY she is irritated!
She isn't irritated because of what HE is doing.
She is irritated because SHE refuses to address the issue period.
It's a reflection on HER own emotions and feelings/thoughts.
You seem to be under the impression that he sits there and pouts until she gives him pity sex: not according to his posts.
He brings it up: she deflects. She gives him everything else BUT sex. (which isn't right) and all he has gotten
from her are bullshit excuses. She doesn't sit him down and involve him so he could understand and empathize.

2. You try squeezing something the size of a Buick out of your pee hole, and lets see how your sex drive is afterwards!

Agreed. In this case it has been a bit over 6 months which isn't
enough time in my opinion to be back in the sack like two horny rabbits...A woman's body changes and HE should have
found this out via research and due diligence, not just wait around for people to change due to their physiology.

Yes she is being rude, by calling you names and getting angry. But that's because you keep going at it. I think it has nothing to do with her being insensitive (in the way of not wanting to have sex) and everything to do with she just having a baby. Have you ever thought that maybe, she doesn't feel comfortable with her body at the moment? Or maybe she's depressed, and just keeping it to herself?

I do agree: but women love to bottle up their emotions and then when it's convenient unload on the surrounding
party: the husband. It isn't right.

[girl68]

that's a year of no sex. Do women seriously think it's possible for any man to go for such a long period of time without sex?

Umm yes. But I would also be willing to sit down and discuss my lack of desire should I have a lack of desire when the time comes.

[SelflessnHumble]

Umm yes. But I would also be willing to sit down and discuss my lack of desire should I have a lack of desire when the time comes.

Exactly. THIS is different than just withholding sex for unknown reasons or excuses.

[smackie9]

well goodie for you, maybe if you stipulate some more facts about what is going on then I wouldn't have to make such assumptions. Have you not read my signature? I do kick people in the nuts...it's the best way to get the real facts out of people like you and it also gets things lit on fire.....tough shit if you don't like the method. I'm not here to make friends I here to get it all out on the table and cut through all the BS.


Anywho if she can't understand this "GUILT" issue about masturbation and you can't understand she lack of sexual desire, get couples counseling so you both can learn to talk about the issues in your relationship. If you don't then you fail, and your relationship is going to fail.

[Take2]

I have every post in this thread carefully trying to understand the way people feel and think. It;s very interesting because on one hand you've got experienced women who've given birth saying the OP should be patient, but patient for how long? Often during the 9 months of pregnancy people don't have sex at all, add to that possibly another 3 months of her fatigue and no desire, that's a year of no sex. Do women seriously think it's possible for any man to go for such a long period of time without sex?

Why would you go the entire pregnancy without any sex? The last couple of weeks when you feel like a cow and unbalanced and uncomfortable and the baby is doing tricks from an alien movie making your belly contort, sure. But the other 8.5 months? Why wouldn't you? And actually, sex is a good way to stimulate labor, I know many folks who did the deed around the due date to help speed little Junior into the world. We're talking about 8 weeks with no vaginal intercourse, not a year!

[Luckylooch]

kids. they take away the drive alright!

[bluedemon]

I guess I'm still lost, not understanding why this is happening to us and feeling pretty down lately about it all. I've taken away lots of good advice from people on this forum but nothing has worked to break the ice. Honestly if I had not had my only child with my fiance this relationship would probably be over under these unreasonable & non communicative circumstances. I'm even starting to wonder if she feels the same way; that were only still together for the sake of our child(ren). Her ex husband, the father of the middle child was recently incarcerated on several criminal charges. It seems still to this day she puts more effort & emotion into the anger she feels toward him than love for me. Everyone can detect problems between us but my fiance minimizes it & throws it in my face when I try to talk to her about it. Talking to a councelor about all this is simply not an option. My fiance ran across this forum in browser history as well as a conversation to an old friend on facebook. She confronted me and told me I need to be talking to her about our relationship problems not to other people. What she does not realize I have tried on several occasions to address this problem to her and when I do she builds a brick wall 10 feet thick between us.

My fiance has made it clear especially this week that physical intimacy on any level is out of the question. She is so guarded against it that she thinks I'm trying to do something with her when I'm not. She recognizes the walls she builds at the idea of sex and even points them out to help insure that I do not try anything. Three nights ago after she came to bed I told her I love you & kissed her good night not trying to propose sex in any way just a kiss. She automatically assumed I was trying to suggest sex, pushed me away & told me "there's an invisible wall right here & you can't get through." The next evening she discovered a patch of rash on her chest apparently from poorly rinsed laundry. That night when she came to bed I kissed her good night again to which she rudely replied "don't get all hornified I have a rash." She has started using anything she can as leverage to keep me off her when I'm not even actually trying anything. Her only answer when I ask her why she's treating me this way is either "I'm just not in the mood" or "I'm just fine with out it" or more often "PERVERT" or "GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER." I stopped asking for explanations last month because I got tired of getting yelled at and having my feelings hurt. I thought maybe my occasionally challenging her motives was making the situation worse. I've found it to be escalating downwards with or without my input. Seems the wisest thing I can do is shut up, keep to myself and suffer in solitude.

Someone in an earlier post in this thread commented on the inevitable that people change, that she won't be the same person she was last year last month or maybe even last week. This couldn't be more true. I have never known of anyone to change so much in a moments notice. Within a moment of bringing our son home from the hospital she became a totally different person. I don't even feel like I know her anymore. A once polite cheerful and happy woman has done a complete 180. I can not recognize anything I have done or am doing to provoke this change. She won't tell me I'm not the cause though. A couple times I even asked if I've done something. Once she replied with a dry derogatory "no," with no elaboration, the other time she pretended not to hear me. This is unlike anything I knew of her previous to our sons birth. I have entertained the possibility of all this being due to post partum depression but I've read nothing about that lasting more than 2 or 3 months, it's been this way for nearly 8 months.

Regardless of these issues my fiance still wears our engagement ring and says she looks forward to our wedding that were planning for this July. I can only hope that tying the knot might bring the passion back to our relationship & help her to take down these walls. Otherwise I'm quite worried. I just don't know if I can justify marrying someone who is treating me this way, someone that I apparently no longer know.

[smackie9]

Good god will you just talk to her about it? Have you even contacted her doctor about your concerns??

[sookie6]

Do not get married