Long story, worst days of my life.

[handeyman]

Hello,

Me and my girlfriend had been dating for over 1 1/2 years summer came and I went on a road trip with my friends for about one month. At the end of this month I made a mistake I talked to another girl over facebook in a way I should not have, I asked her for explicit pictures of herself and my girlfriend saw this. She dumped me.

Of course I was devastated when I got home from the road trip I bought her flowers, wrote her letters. I waited outside her house until she would see me, I begged for her back. She started to see me again and a few weeks later she even called herself my girlfriend again.

Then there was a pretty big setback, me and her were planning on transferring to a different college together in the fall, however due to a credit problem I was accepted for the winter. This meant that I would not join her at school for three months. I asked her if she would be with me until I got in but she said she wouldn't be able to trust me.

So last minute I moved to where the college was, I stayed in a motel and found a job so that I could be with her. So we were still together in this new city, she was out at night with her new dorm mates, I worked during the day and saw her as much as I could after, about a week in the new city we celebrate my birthday. She tells me she loves me, she says she doesn't want to fight with me anymore.... I find a note on her door the following morning from a guy she met the previous night. I of course get jealous but she said it was just some guy she met in her friends room that it was nothing. So of course I didn't think anything of it. The next night she went out and ignored my calls, I got jealous. I probably shouldn't have, she had done nothing to deserve it, when I had but I was in a new city alone and a bit scared. The following day she dumped me, she said she couldn't forgive me for what I had done and I was to jealous. She said it was just a break, so she could forgive me, make some friend and have a life.

So here I am in this new city where I moved for her, working. Every night I would call her and beg for her back. Write her letters... I had flowers sent to her address. I would pick her up from ballet class during my lunch hours. I then went ring shopping. I got her a promise ring, promising to never make the same mistakes. I then got her an ice machine because I know she likes to chew ice before bed. I got her a one hour massage. She told me she loved me, she got me a parking pass for her campus and said this would end before the quarter ends.

One month goes bye since the breakup and I of course ask the question, have you kissed anyone? She answers yes. I then ask, was it the guy who left you the note I found? She said no, it was just some random guy at a party.

I was hurt so hurt, that very day I quit my job and moved back home but before I did I saw her one last time. She said she loved me, she said I promise when you go here next quarter we will get back together, she said she wouldn't kiss anyone else, she kissed me crying, she said my feelings wont change and I will miss you more everyday.

I am home, she continues to call me most days, saying she missed me, still saying we would be fine. She calls me one night after watching a video on her cell phone of us crying. Then called again crying with a personal problem.

The quarter ended and she was home on break, 3 months since we have broke up, holoween spend apart, new years spent apart, our two year anniversary spend apart, her birthday spent apart.... we met throughout break but she would still not kiss me or tell me when this break would end. I cried in her arms one night and she told me we would be fine. Every time she went out during the break she would call me afterwards sometimes 2-3 in the morning it made me feel great, like she loved me again.

Night before we both are set to go back to the same school, out of nowhere she gets mad at me, says Im immature, says we arent getting back together. I am again devastated, call her the next day. But in the end accept it. I get to school and do not contact her for several days. She calls me asking to get dinner. I go with her for dinner and she says she doesnt know when we will be together again.

Later in the week I see her with the guy who wrote her the note. I ask her about it, she tells me this was the guy she had kissed all along and that she lied to me so she wouldnt hurt me. They were just friend she said, they kissed and she liked it, but they were nothing but friends. I cry and hangup the phone. She calls me later asking if im ok, I say of course im not ok.

A few days go bye, and still after all this I come to the conclusion that I deserved it, I messed things up originally, we wernt going out when she did these things and that I still was madly in love with her and wanted her back. I ask her again, I said lets let the past be the past, lets start over. She said she cant after what I did. I said uv lied to me for four months, youv been seeing the one and only guy I got jealous of. She said she knows what she did was messed up but she still cant forgive me.

I see him everywhere, her new guy, I see him in the dining hall, in the quad. Everywhere I cant escape it. I write her a love song.

Week later she asks me to go to lunch, I think to myself is today the day, the day I get a hint of love from the girl of my dreams. She tells me she doesnt know when we will be back together. She says she still checks my email. She says thanks for lunch and goes back to her room. That night I hoped she would call me. I waited by the phone until 3:30 no call. The following day I went to her work to surprise her with snacks. She wasnt there so I left chips on her desk and walked home, on the way home I passed her room window and looked into it. There she was with the guy who wrote her the note he says to me "can I help you", I walk away... One day after asking to go to lunch with me, after telling me she missed me and loved me. Shes with him in her room.

I said to her please don't talk to me anymore, yet the entire week, I hoped I prayed she would call, text, see how much I loved her, for her to remember us, see the wrongness she was doing. One week goes bye with no contact between us. This is the longest amount of time since knowing her that we have not talked. I hoped me not talking to her would be make her miss me. I caved and called her, I said to her, I still want to be with you, she said she knows what she did was messed up, I said why are you still doing it then? She said I dont know. I said do you want to cuddle? She said no. She seemed to hate my on the phone, she seemed to have moved on, yet she went out of her way to answer my call, still said she didnt know when wed be back together.

After all this, I still love her so much, If she were to ask for me back right now, I would say yes with zero hesitation, if she would marry me, I would. she is amazing and beautiful. But when I think about this story, I ask do I deserve it? Should I give up? Should I keep showing her my love. Its all I think about, Im miserable without her and can not focus on anything else. I know she hasn't treated me right, but you cant choose who you love right?

What should I do?

[IncognitoSir]

You should stop playing the fool and stop allowing her to drag you thru the mudd! THIS IS NOT LOVE!!!!! You made your mistake, she made hers, she intends to make you pay for your mistake forever it seems. I hate a cheater, trust me, but the right thing to do is just make a clean break and move on. She can't forgive you, you need to come to grips with that and move on with your life.

[BeingAlpha]

Move on -- do you really want a life with someone that is going to do this to you over and over and over? I mean really -- what she is showing you is not love...she knows she controls you and can do whatever she wants. You have given her free license to do anything she wants and you will accept her back. You need to learn to love yourself man -- enough to know that this is not healthy and ANYONE deserves better -- not just you. I once read that the amount of abuse we are willing to take from someone else is directly correlated to how hard we are on ourselves... and how much we respect ourselves. Gain some self respect.

[handeyman]

So much pain.

[handeyman]

So... I havnt talked to her in over a month, I was feeling a little better, now all the pain is coming back, she always on my mind again, I miss her, I want to call her, how do I make it stop?

We broke up in september, I even kissed another girl since then but I am not over this at all, is something wrong with me?

[steviej]

Totally normal, it's not easy! You are doing the right thing.

The usual advice applies here about no contact, getting rid (or hiding) pictures and other memories of her. Keep busy, go out, see friends, little by little it will get better. Hang in there! We all know how you feel, trust me.