Best Friend + Relationships

[thewaterdragon]

A bit of a long and complicated one for you guys.

I'm 18 and female, my best friend is 19 and male. We're incredibly close, we share everything, we've both had extremely traumatic childhoods, and there's nobody else that we can talk to about things like this, sensitive subjects yknow?

He has almost nothing in his life, no parents, no loving family - he's at college right now, in the UK you get £30 a week for attending college, and he lives off that, and has been for almost 3 years now.

He has a girlfriend of two and a bit years, and she's extremely posessive. She calls him every 15 or so minutes, and texts him when she's not calling him - if we're together when she calls him she'll cry and loose it at him so if his phone rings when i'm there I have to not talk, or leave so he doesn't get in trouble with her. He's constantly saying sorry to me for all of this, but I don't blame him, it just seems to make him really miserable. For example we went for coffee yesterday and he had to leave after about half an hour because his girlfriend was upset that it was windy outside and he had to come and see her D:

He's said many times that her house is the only place that he likes going to as there's heating, and its a nice place to relax as the only other two places he can go or is allowed to go is college and his house. My opinion is that he isn't happy but he's scared of changing anything, because his life is bad enough as it is :/

So far it would just be a business of me comforting him and making sure I'm there for him - but the situation is more complicated than that too. I have to admit (though I feel terrible about this) that we've gone further than just being close friends, never physically but in conversation and phonecalls. He's said things like "My god you're perfect" and "you're the best person anyoen could want to be with" we've had in depth sexual conversations with each other, discussing what we both like bedroom wise ect, we've admitted to having sexual thoughs + dreams about each other, and admitted that we liked each other more than friends when we first met.

We're also planning on living together soon - as we're going to be going to the same uni. His girlfriend doesn't know this and is under the impression that he's gonna not go to uni (even though its his dream to become a professional illustrator) and get a job, live with her parents so they can spend all their time together.

As for myself I've had no good track record of relationships, I come from a traditional (romany/irish/chinese) background and because of this was encouraged to marry young. I was engaged from the ages of 15-17, and was when I first met my best friend. Since the age of 13 I've not been single for more than a week. I'm not blowing my own trumpet but there always seems to be somebody or a few people who want to be with me, and previously I've just... gone with it. Recently, I've become more mature, and more my own person and have realised that I don't want to be with anyone unless they're a much better match than just "whoever likes you". I've been single for a while now, and have had good time to grow more myself and settle in to who I am more, since being single for longer me and my best friend have been getting even closer and the overly friendly conversations have increased.

Really, I just don't know what's happening. I want us both to be happy, and I know we'd make a great couple - that said I know what it's like to be cheated on, and though his girl hates me I don't want to do anything that would be considered cheating or overstep my mark. I respect that (however unhappy) they are in a relationship and I am capable of backing off, I'm just not sure what the best thing to do is.

Please help without judgement, I know I'm no angel and no one in this situation is, I just have no idea what to do ):

[xxazurexx]

Reading the story, it sounds as though you are the 'gf' and his 'gf' is the mere friend.

If you are wise, don't get involved with him further, ie: sexually and until he ends his relationship first. Which he will and would, if he prefers you and wants to be with you.

At the end of the day and no matter how close you two may be, he has a gf who he chooses to keep around and he keeps her around for a reason.

[thewaterdragon]

Thankyou! That was very helpful, and re reading that I can understand how it seems that way around, and not the way it actually is. I think he's keeping her as a safety blanket, it doesn't make him sound like a great guy, admittedly. But I think he's under the impression I'm not interested as I've had SO MANY other relationships in the past two years. Like I said I'm no angel but I have also calmed down and changed for the better.

There's no way I'm going to get involved any further, I don't see how that will improve the situation for anyone in the long term.