What's it mean?

[Huggles]

So... If a guy says you're close friends and wants to go out together, talks to you loads daily by phone/ messages for over a year and would like to have sex with you but says he doesn't want a relationship yet, then what do you call it? What does it mean? He basically happy to have all relationship entails even the bad bits but just not put a label on it. He's not using me for sex before you suggest that as haven't slept with him. He says he needs to sort his life out before a relationship as lost his job and in bit of mess. This doesn't seem a reason to me cos if you want someone you want them!

[xxazurexx]

He says he needs to sort his life out before a relationship as lost his job and in bit of mess. This doesn't seem a reason to me cos if you want someone you want them!

To share an experience, I had a guy say the exact same thing to me. I'd interpreted it to mean, that it was an excuse and simply because he didn't want to be with me.

He was the same as your guy. Constantly calling, no sex involved and he was at a shit point in his life like your guy. He'd lost his job too and felt he had no direction in life and didn't know where to turn next.

And then it suddenly dawned on me. How can you expect someone to complete your life and when their own life is not complete and not in order.

You know I once read a book on this subject and I recall it saying something along the lines, that a man doesn't feel worthy or complete and until he either has what he wants in life, or knows where he is going in life. Relationships are the last thing he is looking for, if he doesn't have his own life in order and that kinda makes sense.

[Huggles]

Thanks. What happened with you then?

I don't understand if he likes me to share all that why doesn't he love me? We've gone through a lot of shit over it and he could've gone by now as not been fun yet he doesn't. He's saild he feels a failure in life atm and not happy with his situation so you got that right. I just don't get mens thinking. He's made me feel shit along the way because of it all and if that's just reason to put me through alot of hurt it seems stupid. His ex is a factor cos he still carries feelings there and doesn't seem to be able to get over her ever though she don't care and i've done so much more to care and be there for him yet it's never meant enough compared to her :'(

[Black Man]

You said he lost his job can be a little tense or frustrating gave him some time
4 days or week

then talk to him

[Huggles]

It's been going on ages. I thought he just didn't fancy me but apparently he does. Just doesn't love me in same way but we haven't spent alot of time together in person. I've done so much for him and just don't know what it would take for him to love me. I'd give up but he shows in ways he does care n when we've tried parting ways we end up contacting each other again.

[xxazurexx]

Gawd, it's like reading about me. Ya know, I did so much for the guy in my situation too and he's told me that I'm the 'only' person he can trust, the only one who knows him and that he's never had anyone do so much for him, than I have. We've gone through loads of shit too, yet he will return time after time after time, contact is always' initiated by him. I've let go a thousand times....but he keeps on coming back ...I'm a right soft cow ...well in regard to him I am

How did we end up? Same old same old....and his life still aint back on track. We are quite long distance though and if he was closer it might be different.

As far as I'm aware he doesn't have an ex, but I do think he was hurt in the past. But then so was I and it doesn't stop from taking a chance elsewhere.

I dunno hon, I'd ask him outright and where the heck is going. But then I did all that....to no avail.

How long has it been going on now?

[Huggles]

Oh i've asked him. Get the whole its him and his life not me stuff. Gradually over last few months i get bit more info out of him so piecing it together.

OMG! Got the same, says no- ones ever cared for him as much as i have or done what i've done etc. It took me a while to meet him which set us back but when did it should've got easier and did for me until he wouldn't commit in same way. I am generally the initiater but when i've got so fed up and hurt by it all i've tried to walk away and he's then acted victim and says he doesn't want me to go and cos he knows i care so much we never actually leave it. It's a nightmare!

[Huggles]

And he's says he barely talks to anyone else but me now. He's ashamed of his situation so doesn't involve his mates much anymore. He has family problems too. He's gaining debts whilst out of work and he is a hardworking guy so struggles not working. I paid on date and know he wasn't really comfy that he couldn't pay for anything at all.

[xxazurexx]

Crikey...I'm wondering if we are talking about the SAME guy....

Please don't say he lives in Yorkshire!! *yikes*

[Huggles]

Haha, no London.

[xxazurexx]

Thank gawd for that...!!

Do you not suppose that we have become no more than 'emotional tampons' to these guys?
Like someone who is there for them and to be their confidante, nurse, therapist,counsellor, etc, etc.
Because that is what I sometimes feel like....all of those and much more rolled into one.

[vashti]

So... If a guy says you're close friends and wants to go out together, talks to you loads daily by phone/ messages for over a year and would like to have sex with you but says he doesn't want a relationship yet, then what do you call it? What does it mean? He basically happy to have all relationship entails even the bad bits but just not put a label on it. He's not using me for sex before you suggest that as haven't slept with him. He says he needs to sort his life out before a relationship as lost his job and in bit of mess. This doesn't seem a reason to me cos if you want someone you want them!

If you DO have sex with him, my guess is that whatever sort of contact you have with him now will end.

[Huggles]

It's not that simple! I've questioned whether he gives a **** before which he must cos of what he's stuck through etc. There's been developments in getting an understanding of his feelings! Will get back to you but gotta go to work now x

[xxazurexx]

Have you considered valuing yourself and not dating douchebags?

At least consider it, what do you have to lose? Box Car Charlie and his boatload of issues that you allow to become yours?

Are you being taken advantage of? Do you feel the need to "fix" him?

All of these and more point to signs of an unhealthy relationship, and by an unhealthy relationship I mean that at least one of you does not give a **** about the other.

Actions speak louder than words.

LOL....if I'd wanted to be a therapist, I'd be getting paid - no I don't want to fix him, I more feel sorry for him. I can't help being a 'caring' person.

Actions speak louder than words.

Aye, a know. I'm not 'totally' la la you know