not enough time

[dcxbabe]

To summarize...(i'm 23, he's 29)

He lives about 35 miles away from me. We met when he was a regular at my work (restaurant) and he worked close by. When he started school his job fired him because they didn't want to work with his school schedule.

Right now we are on limited time. He goes to college 5 days a week and is taking a lot of school hours and is therefore very busy with it. We used to see eachother 3-4 times a week. Since he started school a month ago, it's been about once a week. It doesn't make sense for him to come 35 down and back to see me for a few hours and vice versa, even overnight because we'd be miles away from our jobs/school.

I'm having a very hard time adjusting. He told me it was going to be difficult with his schedule but I didn't realize how bad. I'm trying to be understanding but I've been having some issues. For instance:

On this past Wednesday, I drove down to see him. It was only for about 4 hours (7-11pm) but it was worth it. Any time I can get at this point I cherish. We had talked about the weekend(our normal time together; he usually stays over Friday night and we hang out some on Saturday before he goes back to homework) and how we both had a lot going on (him with schoolwork, me with work) and that we may not see eachother. It was sad but at least I knew what his plans were.

On Friday, he texted me talking about how he wanted to come over that night and stay. We wouldn't have Saturday but we would have the night together, which was enough for us. I texted him later on saying that if he could, try to hurry since we wouldn't be able to stay up as late because of our circumstances and therefore would be on limited time. He said he'd try. Being that he takes an hour to get ready and it takes him 35 minutes to get here, I look at everything an hour & a half ahead, not to mention that we would be going to bed earlier. So it was already 6:30 and I texted him saying I was sad that we wouldn't have much time together. He then called me and said that since he still had so much to do, that maybe I should make other plans. I was livid. I had been thinking and talking about it all day, I only wanted to see him, and being that I had to get up early, I couldn't go out with anyone because they all stay out past midnight on Fridays. I ignored his calls that night and the next day he asked me to call him. When I did, it turned into me trying to explain that I feel like I'm second best to everything else he has going on, and that all I want is more time with him/for him to make time for me. I said that he could have made a point to stop his work at ____ time, so that we could have time together. I'm not saying school isn't important and to put it off until Sunday night, but don't make plans if they aren't plans, they're possibilities. He said I didn't understand how much schoolwork he had and that it wasn't that easy. That night(last night) I called him and it went back to the same subject, of me feeling like I'm 2nd best or that he doesn't value our time together the same way I do. Again, no budging on either side. He says it bothers him just as much that he doesn't get to see me as it bothers me that I don't get to see him, but I feel like if that was the case, he'd make an attempt to fix that.

So my question is, who is wrong or right here? Am I REALLY asking too much to say that he A) shouldn't put ideas/plans in my head that he isn't going to follow through on and B) that he should make an attempt to spend/commit more time to me? I don't think 1 day is a sufficient amount of time, especially when we don't talk on the phone every day. Help!

[smackie9]

You are being selfish here. The guy does have a lot on his plate and he has to focus on his future as for it will affect his livelihood which will be key for him to be able to support a wive , kids and a mortgage. So as a much older mature adult's perspective (me), he is doing this for his future and you are just a GF that he has only known for a few months......it's time for you to wake up for this is what real life is all about. You have to make sacrifices to make a solid future and you cannot shit on a guy for doing just that. Sorry hun but the relationship doesn't revolve around you. If you want a man to marry you, they look for love, commitment and S U P P O R T in everything they do. You push anymore on this you are going to be pushed out the door.