Very weird situation...Need help

[im_in_love]

I just want to say thank you in advanced for reading my post, because I feel like it will be a long one.
Anyway. I've got this friend. We used to date, but then she broke things off (I later found out that she did it because she was scared that it would certainly turn in to something very serious) after the relationship we remained very good friends for years. Talking everyday about everything, seeing each other a lot. Basically, we both never lost feelings for each other. A few months after we broke up, she started a relationship with a new guy. They've been together for a few years now, but all throughout their relationship she's had these fits where she can't deny her feelings for me and really considers leaving him for me. They never amount to more than kissing and talking about getting together, and then a few days later she gets upset at herself and says we can't be together ever and blah blah, all she wants is friendship. This happens every six months or so. And she's brought up more than once how there's still something there between us. And then she drops the whole conversation or gets mad at me for wanting to talk about it further. This girl is wrecking my brain. The last time one of these conversations came up, she blew up and got mad at me because her boyfriend confronted me about knowing how her and I feel about each other and he felt that she couldn't stop loving me. She got super mad that I tried to talk to her about how her boyfriend went about saying these things to me, and ended up saying that he didn't mean any of it and that it's not true. Her actions definitely tell me that she still has feelings for me, but she's so back and forth I dont know what to do. I feel like it's ruining me and that I should give her an ultimatum: have me in her life, or have him. This guy treats her terribly, but she refuses to see it and gets mad whenever I say anything bad about him.... Does anyone have any advice? SHould I do the ultimatum??

[ktm390]

man if you do get her to move in with her or whatever can you live with how you got her back? if she is willing to cheat on her boyfriend now she could possibly do that to you in the future.

[im_in_love]

You're completely right, I know she is capable of doing this now. But to be honest, and I know I sound like an idiot who is blind, but I really truly do know her. What her and I have is so odd, it's not like any normal friendship. We're so much closer than I could even explain. And I know that she would not even entertain the thought of pursuing anybody else. She doesn't even have friends because of her boyfriend. She talks to the people at her work (all of whom are married and not interested) and me. She has completely gotten rid of her social life because of him, I am certain that I am the only person she will ever even think of doing something with other than him.

[ktm390]

its like you are trying really hard to convince yourself of something that you really know isnt true. i think you know deep inside you what is really goin on but you are gonna do what you're gonna do

[Mangochan]

The thing about the back and forth thing is...it never stops. They'll want to be with you one minute and then not the next. And it's not until you've truly moved on that they say they've changed and want to be serious. This is after so much confusion an heartbreak.
As far as the ultimatum thing, I've seen it happen before. A guy had feelings for one of his "friend's" (The "friend" was a jerk to everyone, so nobody liked him that much) girlfriends. He wouldn't allow it to go past kissing and when he finally got sick of it, he did the it's me or him thing. SHe finally broke up with her boyfriend for the guy, but then started sleeping with her ex again. So, I don't think this will work.... I mean, it could, but I think she'll always have this sort of uncertainty.

[Sharz]

Wait wait wait, Hold it there. I choose to beg differently. This girl is obviously very confused. I think the reason why she is doing this is because she wants to keep her options open like some girl out there do.
Some girls can't be alone no matter how big of a dick the boyfriend is, its just a stage. I think giving the two options will be a eye awakener for her, this is because it will turn out in 2 positives. A- She gets with you, you get ur girl, simple right. Im not saying shell cheat on you because everyone behaves differently in different relationships. anyway u take it from there and see how it goes, least use both knows you have given it another shot. B- Shes not in your life, she chooses him but who cares because know you know its not worth it. You gave her the choice and shell learn for herself eventually, giving you the freedom to move on! I think you should cut it down to her. Also to add I think the reason why she told her current boyfriend was to make him jelouse and when she found out that he told you she could use it to her advantage to hurt you to keep u interested, sick i know but its 90% true, Females make choices knowing how its going to end, theres a reason behind every thing we do.... Im just saying my opinion as a female =)

[im_in_love]

Thank you all for your input, it has been very helpful. I guess the ultimatum could go either way, there's no way to tell. I'm still debating whether or not I should do it. She's been very distant with me lately. Her and her boyfriend just recently got their own place, even though they've lived with each other ever since they met. They broke up a few months ago and she moved in with me to get her stuff together and move on from him, but ended up getting back together with him and lived with me for a few months. Ever since they moved into their own place with another roommate she's hardly talking to me anymore and she seems either upset or angry when she does. I went and saw her tonight for the first time since she moved out and things almost felt like they were back to normal. She kept saying how she loves hanging out with me because I make her laugh so much and put her in a weird mood. She was also very touchy. It's confusing the hell out of me, because since she's been so distant, I've been trying to be distant as well and move on. I turned my phone off all day today in an attempt to move on and so I would not be tempted to call or text her. When I turned it on I had a text waiting from her wanting to hang out, so I did. I'm just so lost.

[Fabulous]

I may not have picked up on it, but did you say you liked her? If you really like her, then maybe she's worth it. But mostly you've been talking about how she plays with your emotions and drags you along on her roller coaster ride through crazy-woman town. It sounds to me like you need to let her go. Get off the crazy train and move on.

[im_in_love]

Yes, I'm sorry, I do like her. I realized I never put that in my posts. And you're right, she is a little crazy. She knows this. And to be honest I think I might be a little crazy, too. She's even pointed out that I'd have to be crazy because I'm so close to her and she thinks she's a bit crazy.

[Klim]

I wouldn't go for the ultimatum. Me, though, I'm a nonchalant, carefree person that is okay with waiting for people. Other people that are less patient tend to not do so well with my advice. Anyway, I really don't see the point of an ultimatum. You either get a rushed answer which might just be what you want to hear, or you get no answer and you break off everything. I recommend just waiting, if the end result is happiness.

[im_in_love]

I am the same way. I'm perfectly content with waiting. It's just that everyone keeps telling me I'm stupid for waiting because she knows that I'll always be there to fall back on. They say I shouldn't always be there for her and should let her know that I won't wait around forever. Even though I probably would. I'm not one who falls easily for people.