is this crazy or can it work?

[rbitrage]

A friend of mine suggested I go to my gf who just broke up with me a week ago, with a ring and ask her to marry me. That's what she wanted before she gave up because i was not able to fully realise how much she meant to me. In fact, I want to go to her parents first and ask for permission and ask for daughter's hand in marriage. That is something she always valued and i think they kinda like me.

Please tell me how much of a disaster this would be. Tell me that it definitely doesn't work because i somehow believe it's the right thing to do.

I realise being cynical is so much easier, but why can't one be straightforward about this stuff. the goal is not to cheat the system. the goal is to show my love is real and eternal.

I know there is a whole approach to this breakup stuff. Must not communicate for a while and then heal one self, and show a stronger changed person. Why can't I just be honest and say i want to marry her. And no I am not doing this to get her back. Am doing ths because I do want to do this

I just worry about it being a complete disaster, and hurting her in any way from such an extreme approach.

[carl1222]

Proposing to a girl who just broke up with you sounds insane to me. What did she say was the reason for the break up? Fixing a damaged relationship requires attention and work, not a grand gesture!

Carl.

[MerryH]

No matter what you claim your intentions are, proposing would look like a desperate attempt to get her back. It will look insincere and hollow. Getting married is not a way to fix a relationship. Wait until your relationship is stable enough for her to be happy about being proposed to, not uncertain and confused.

If you're worried that it could hurt her, isn't that enough to tell you it's a bad idea? Why would you even consider it?

And jeez, that would be an awkward conversation with her parents. "Yeah, our relationship failed, but I'd like to marry your daughter. Can I get your blessing?"

[rbitrage]

the situation is slighly complicated. ONly reason why i couldn't full commit was not because i was looking around. it was because i lost most of my family growing up and I associated loving someone as a risky prospect. I was literally stuck because i loved her but i was scared because of this trauma (my mom passed away 3 years ago and i am still struggling with it).

Again the goal here is not to shock her back. I do know that i want to spend the rest of my life with her. I do know that she is the one. She just gave and gave and held out so much hope and had to give up. now maybe her feelings for me have changed or she may not wanna take the risk but is this not the ultimate step somehow. I am now saying, look i am not looking to get back to rebuilding this 'dating' thing we had. I love her beyond belief and I know i want to marry her. And I would also do the respect thign and go to parents and show how serious i am also.

And yes she knows about my fears.

[Boisdevie]

You need counselling before you think of anything else

[MerryH]

the situation is slighly complicated.

No, it's not really. People always come on here and they think their problems are so special and unique and complicated, when they're really not. She got sick of your shit and dumped you. Pretty simple.

So I don't want you to fool yourself into thinking that we're wrong because we don't know all your history. Your backstory is irrelevant. Your relationship had issues. She was no longer willing to work on those issues or wait for you to work on yours. She gave up. What makes you think that she would welcome a proposal from you now?

And in the off chance that she says yes, she is always going to think in the back of her mind that you only proposed so you wouldn't be alone, not because you actually wanted to marry her. Again, I don't care how much you say you're not just doing this to get her back, that's exactly what it looks like. I can see that, her parents will see that, and she will see that.

This is a terrible idea and I can't believe you're still thinking about going through with this when you are fully aware there's a chance you could hurt her. That is extremely selfish. Why don't you just tell her that you're now ready to fully commit and you'd like to build a serious relationship with her and you can definitely see yourself marrying her someday. Then wait until you're happily back together to propose. Seriously. If this girl is worth marrying, then she deserves to have a sincere proposal, not one that looks shady and desperate. Stop being selfish.

[oneandonly]

.......People always come on here and they think their problems are so special and unique and complicated, when they're really not.

This is so very true!

[HeartIsAching]

Allowing yourself to be pressured into a marriage proposal that you weren't comfortable making to begin with, is an excellent way to have a disastrous marriage. Go for it if you like suffering.