dirty pictures discovered. big change.

[thatlilowl]

After 8 months of dating, bf found my old photos... since then, everything has changed. I have to admit, I was pretty slutty back then. A wild child, parties, sex, etc. Anyway, that's my past. I have no problem at all, however... I am so much stronger, wiser and am happily ready to settle down anytime soon.

Well, after discovering the photos.... he didn't want to talk to me for about a week. I don't blame him for that, I gave him the respect, space and time to think. I did explain to him that I am a changed person, no longer flirt around, and ready to commit.

Not long after the incident, he has decided to be with me - told me he was "okay" already and wanted to work things out again. But here's the thing, it's all easy talk. In this one whole year, there were times where he was still hesitating about us, reluctant to trust me again, and whenever we argued (if anything related to guys whom he got jealous of) he'd always bring the past out. He told me it is so hard to trust me anymore, and the traumatized event is still haunting him as if he has just seen the photos 5 minutes ago. There was once, he asked me (I don't know if he's joking or what) why was I that easy/loose before. And he said stuff like, million of boys have seen my body, touched and kissed me and that he felt so gross about me; especially during sex. He'd also say hurtful things like, "I don't know, whenever we have sex..I think of other men doing it to you" and he'd just get off the bed.

We did talk about it, I told him it's not okay to bring out my past and I deserve the respect. He apologized over and over again..but it's still the same. He can't handle the truth yet, he isn't willing to let me go. All these hurt me so much. I did try to convince him over and over again, I am not like that before. I understand if he's being insecure/worried but I've sacrificed so much in this relationship. I'd skip my girls' night out, stop contacting all my guy friends, stay at home, cooking, etc and I am doing all these because I want to be the person he has had always wanted me to be. But I failed big time.

We love each other so much; even plan to engage but deep down inside our hearts, this relationship is going nowhere. Guys, should I move on? Or rather, what else do I need to do??? I am so tired.

[girl68]

You feel like you have to give up all that to convince him you're no longer like that? How sad. I think you need to tell him you're leaving him if he keeps bringing it up. It's not your fault he can't get over it, it's his.

[ktm390]

i went through the same thing with my ex. and after a week about being upset about it i realized i was gonna lose a good thing if i didnt just accept it. so i did. you cant do anything else. if he keeps acting like that, then you have to decide if thats the kind of relationship you want to be in.

[smackie9]

The reality is that everyone has a past. You BF isn't mature enough to be in an adult relationship let alone being engaged. This behaviour is a big red flag. Down the road there will be other things that may come up where he will be so "tramatized" that he will cause you nothing but heartache and issue for years to come. He is not ready for the real world and he's definitely not ready to get married to you. Sorry but you cannot have a relationship on love alone, you need trust, respect, understanding, sacrifice, compermise, unconditional love, acceptance, compatability, I could go on and on. Being together for a life time is a big deal and it takes a lot of hard work. If I were you I would find someone else that has a more mature understanding of you and won't constantly burn you at the stake for having a past.

[DCbob]

he has to get over it.

it's his own insecurity that is the issue. granted, i would not like to see my wife in sexy photos with other guys. but when i think about "why not" it is b/c i would feel insecure that she liked them more, or had more fun with them or they had bigger cocks. all MY issues. not hers. hopefully he gets over it and accepts you for you. you should not have to change for him.

good luck!

[WICKED THOUGHTS]

Have your heart to heart with him one more time. Then seperate for awhile and see if he follows. But, u got to realize, his feeling of you being slutty will be there. You guys just have to compromise in the middle. Nway, goodluck.

[Kaius]

Yes everyone has a past. But people also should be upfront about their past if they do have a promiscuous past. If he didn't know you had so many guys before, and he found out, he has the right to walk away. If he chooses to stay, he has to deal with it and forget about it. When people say "the past is the past", that's not completely true. No man would want to be reminded that his woman was banged by lots of other men. A man can only love a woman whom he respects. Men don't respect slutty girls. He will always have on back of his mind, "will she revert back to her slutty nature?"..."would she climb into bed with another man since sex is no big deal to her?"

To all the young girls out there who think that their past behaviors don't matter, it's not true. The past always catches up so don't do anything you wouldn't want your future kids to find out. This has nothing to do with men's insecurities. Men just don't want to settle down with girls with slutty past. It's gross.

[thatlilowl]

Thanks for all the comments above! Appreciate them =)

Kaius, having said that.. I can see why my bf is being disrespectful to me. But isn't it unfair? The way you depicted here, it's as if a girl like me could never EVER get a man that will give me the same respect/understanding I deserve. I have to bare with all the consequences now, but 'til when? I've had enough people giving me looks, gossiping, biased judgments, and I don't really have any friends. Why? It's because of my past. And the last straw is when the person whom I love so much is already giving me the hard time. Yeah, I guess it's plain gross to be with me, nor giving me the chances. Thanks anyway.

[Kaius]

Thanks for all the comments above! Appreciate them =)

Kaius, having said that.. I can see why my bf is being disrespectful to me. But isn't it unfair? The way you depicted here, it's as if a girl like me could never EVER get a man that will give me the same respect/understanding I deserve. I have to bare with all the consequences now, but 'til when? I've had enough people giving me looks, gossiping, biased judgments, and I don't really have any friends. Why? It's because of my past. And the last straw is when the person whom I love so much is already giving me the hard time. Yeah, I guess it's plain gross to be with me, nor giving me the chances. Thanks anyway.

It's not like you have to carry a big Scarlett Letter on your chest for the rest of your life. You can't change the past. How do you think prostitutes and porn stars eventually get married? They move to a place where no one knows their past, and they make up a new life. You have to forget about your past, and understand that the man who will love you will never know about your past. Either that or he is old and low enough on the totem pole that he is simply glad just to have a woman. Nothing in life are without consequences. If you had known that the love of your life would disapprove of your past, you would think twice before behaving as such.

[doppelgaenger]

We did talk about it, I told him it's not okay to bring out my past and I deserve the respect. He apologized over and over again..but it's still the same. He can't handle the truth yet, he isn't willing to let me go. All these hurt me so much.

So, realizing that he is can't overcome his jealousy and can't trust you, what do you suppose the logical solution would be? That's right, a permanent end to your relationship. Don't even start thinking about engagement or marriage or any of that nonsense. You have a serious fundamental issue in your relationship that's not going to go away. So end it and start over with someone who isn't going to be so bothered with your promiscuous past or get rid of all your disgusting photos and pretend like it never happened.

[smackie9]

Thanks for all the comments above! Appreciate them =)

Kaius, having said that.. I can see why my bf is being disrespectful to me. But isn't it unfair? The way you depicted here, it's as if a girl like me could never EVER get a man that will give me the same respect/understanding I deserve. I have to bare with all the consequences now, but 'til when? I've had enough people giving me looks, gossiping, biased judgments, and I don't really have any friends. Why? It's because of my past. And the last straw is when the person whom I love so much is already giving me the hard time. Yeah, I guess it's plain gross to be with me, nor giving me the chances. Thanks anyway.

YES IT IS UNFAIR! Guys that can't handle a girl's past can stick it and find themselves a virgin. The past is the past and it's no ones business. It would be different if you were married, had a kid or have a criminal record, but what you did behind closed doors is up to you to disclose to your partner. If I like someone enough I could careless how many people they boinked. People do grow up and change....so all you who oppose f uckin get over it.

[IncognitoSir]

So, realizing that he is can't overcome his jealousy and can't trust you, what do you suppose the logical solution would be? That's right, a permanent end to your relationship. Don't even start thinking about engagement or marriage or any of that nonsense. You have a serious fundamental issue in your relationship that's not going to go away. So end it and start over with someone who isn't going to be so bothered with your promiscuous past or get rid of all your disgusting photos and pretend like it never happened.

This is the only solution I see here.

[vashti]

WHY would you allow yourself to be photographed? I can never understand why women allow this to happen, and then act surprised when the photos fall into the wrong hands.

I don't think you should be eternally punished for your past... lots of people have skeletons in their closet. And thank goodness you have enough sense and compassion to understand why this is hard for him, but the bottom line is: if he can't handle it, you should move on.

[SelflessnHumble]

(1) How does a boyfriend *find* old photos? Did he feel the need to go through your shit?
(2) Your past does NOT tell him who you *are* -but only who you *were* -big difference.

The fact of the matter (that YOU have to be willing to respect is) : HE has the right to CHOOSE not to date a girl who was once an easy piece of ass...Check.
YOU do not have the right to force him to stay, nor to influence his decision making/thoughts concerning you...even though they are unfair: they are *his* choices to make> You must respect them.

He has self confident issues + a Bruised Ego which affects his peepee...The fact is: he CANNOT handle a woman who has had experiences whether in her past/present.

For whatever reason(s) He failed to ask you questions about your sexual experiences back then...and YOU failed to answer them...

See, you have the right to not *want* him to act out how he feels, in a way that makes you feel gross, cheap or sexually unappealing based on his decision to view you as such (based on prior behavior)

So, what to do? Simple as pie:

He does have feelings for you: BUT he isn't *FULLY* into you...
He wants to take only the good, and discard the bad and the problem is: You cannot do that with people!

To accept someone is to accept what they HAVE DONE, right? K...then....
He doesn't respect you, he doesn't value you which means the both of you cannot have a serious, meaningful relationship without:

open and honest communication...patience and understanding, respect and trust.

He never asked you to stay home and cook...and never forced you to stop contact with your guy friends, nor girls night out.
The fact is: You (in his eyes) are already damaged goods and NOTHING you do is going to change that. (his decision remember?)

Put this baby to bed: and get a guy who will accept you and appreciate you for who you are (as a result of those experiences) you shouldn't have any regret for just because
you chose a shallow, and confident-less man to be with. K?