"It's complicated"

[vertspeed]

Here it goes!

Back story:

My girl and I were together for 3 months, and then I felt like I needed to take a break, because I was "going through stuff".. Regardless of why, we broke up, and didn't end up really talking very much until a month later.. At that point she had JUST met another guy, and she was hesitant to get back together with me because of how I broke her heart a month before..

After a week or so, we ended up becoming intimate, and kind of got back together, even though she said she thought we should just take things slow, and be friends.. Well it didn't work, and she backed off..

I should also mention, I didn't know about the other guy at this point..

A few days later, we get back together, because we always had, and still had an amazing connection.. All the things you would want in a relationship were there.. It was great for another week or so, and she got "scared" again, and backed off.. I was crushed..

We proceeded to get back together for a third time, and it lasted 2 weeks.. Valentines Day came, and she went away for the weekend - Said she had to "take care of something".. (She drove 4 hours to see this other guy - Who she met online)..

She came back and told me she had decided to give this guy a chance, despite only meeting him a few times.. She broke down and told me she loves me, and that she wants me in her life.. She's torn between what she says are "two very similar guys"..

My issue is, I know her inside and out, as does she, me.. Family is important to us - Which is another amazing connection we have.. She said she wants me in her life, and that she doesn't know whether she's making the right choice.. "Maybe I'm not, maybe I am"..

Today we talked, and she always brings up so many new, good things that she loves about me, and really acts like she wants to be with me.. It bothers me, what does this guy have on her that I don't? I'm right here 5 minutes away ready to love her, and he's 4 hours away.. She tells me "the choice is obvious" (me), but she's "all jumbled up" in her head..

Her birthday is Friday - I'm toying with the idea of taking flowers into her work (Hospital)..

Thoughts??

[girl68]

giver he space to sort it out. don't attempt to convince her.

[carl1222]

What does this guy have that you don't? He never dumped her and he never broke her heart!

He's a copy of you but without the bad history. Of course, as she gets to know him, he may become more pale by comparison. But it's also possible that she's found someone who is a better boyfriend for her. Only time will tell.

I hope things break your way, but if they don't ... remember the consequences of deeply hurting someone just because you're "going through stuff."

[xxazurexx]

She will continue seeing him and will keep you on the 'back burner' incase it doesn't work with him.

To be honest I'd have chose him too. If you can ditch me once because you want space, you'd be capable of ditching me again IMO.

[vertspeed]

Crap.. Yeah he does have that on me..

But to be fair - Today, I wasn't the "nice guy" I've been being.. I told her that since she's made her decision, her and I need to cut off communication, cause I can't stand by and watch her be with somebody else right now, and that I have to move on..

She didn't like to hear that, she responded by saying, "I NEED you in my life".. (Quote from a text).. I know she loves me, and I know she's confused.. We're going to be 29 this year - I feel so immature that this is happening.. Such a waste of time tip-toeing around our crazy love for eachother..

She says, "I feel like I've made the right decision, then you pop into my head".. "Whenever I'm with him, I'm always thinking of you.. I never think of him when I'm with you".. It goes on and on..

[xxazurexx]

She says, "I feel like I've made the right decision, then you pop into my head".. "Whenever I'm with him, I'm always thinking of you.. I never think of him when I'm with you".. It goes on and on..

She says all that crap and knows it will keep you hanging on.

Unless you are happy enough to play 'second fiddle' to another guy she is probably sleeping with, I'd move on.

I never think of him when I'm with you"...

Then why does she go back to him? Obviously she does think about him, which is why she continues to return to him.

Why wait around and for something that might never happen again? You could waste months/years of your life....and they ain't worth losing months/years for. At 29, you aren't getting any younger.

[girl68]

She shouldn't honestly be with either of you.

[SelflessnHumble]

First thing to know: NOTHING in life is complicated. If you feel confused: let's un-complicate things!

(1) You were with this girl for 3 months...

-YOU needed a break (due to your own issues you either didn't want to share, nor involve her in) K, got it.
-The *why* you broke up IS significant, so saying it is regardless is wrong.
-If you didn't know she was dating a dude (at the time you two reunited intimately) how then, did you know she got with him RIGHT AFTER??? It makes no sense, does it?

(2) She was hesitant to get back with you: because you failed to show and involve her as to why you broke it up in the 1st place..Check.
-An entire month passes and you somehow didn't know she was with some other guy? I'm not buying that one dude, sorry.
-When you got intimate with her: Did you ask her if she was either with anyone or seeing someone else? No? Why?

(3) After becoming intimate with you: she backed off, a week later you get back together and she again: backs off (just as you had done to her) got it...
(4) She was seeing you while seeing another guy...

Apparently you do NOT know her like you *claim* to: period.

What to do?

THIS:
You sit her down, be a man: and say, "In a committed, loving and serious relationship two people get together and it's just them...You don't build other relationships on top of old ones until you get over the previous person...
Since you didn't do that...You cheated me, and the other guy out of having a true relationship...so because you have chosen to do this: I can no longer be with you and would appreciate, that IF you love this other guy
like you say you do: you will respect my wishes to stay away from me so that *I* can have enough time to move on from this situation...and I can find a girl who doesn't share herself with multiple men..."

This ^^^ is what a man does.

Why are you confused? She is emotionally into you, while wanting to be physical with the other guy.
She cannot love two people at once. She doesn't respect you (nor herself) and right there is red flag # 1 million.

If you are smart: tell her the above, and wish her a happy birthday when you confront her with your feelings.
Done.