I love a girl... and she has a boyfriend

[cheeze_guy]

Okay so here I am with yet another love problem in my life and I would like some input!

I have a really good friend. We have been friends for 2 years now and she is dating one of my best friends. She has an older sister who has been dating this guy for over 4 years now. The older sister (the one I am feeling very strongly towards) loves spending time with me and over the last year we have gone out for drinks gone clubbing or just had dinner together. Come to think of it I am surprised this didn't happen earlier. Anyways to try to keep this short, last week we had dinner and then went out for drinks and ended up back at her place had a few beers and watched a movie. We ended up making out very heavily pretty much took it as far as we could without actually making love. Pretty much she said she has had these feelings since she met me the first day but she knew that if this would ever happen it would just get complicated and I guess girls are good at hiding that shit! I am crazy about this girl... She is all I can think about and I want to be with her and I know she wants to be with me... but of course she has a boyfriend... I feel bad (just a little) because he is a nice guy but he is definitely not one of my friends. I know she must still have some feelings for him and I know that the more I see her the more she will want to be with me. So I guess what I am asking all u complete strangers is would you follow your heart and not let this girl go and let everything come together as I am sure it will but it will take time since a week ago she was happily with this guy and now shit is ****ed... because I want to be with her and she with me.

The problem really with all of this is that they have been together for 4 years and I wonder if I just backed off now if I could save their relationship and just move onto the next girl like I do so well... I just really feel so strong for this girl I know that now that I have gone this far it's either never see her again or go for it and take millions of risks.

Another problem is that her sister (the one with my friend) hooked me up with a few of her friends and shit didn't work out. So really I feel like if she finds out that her sister left her boyfriend of 4 years for me she will want to kill me. The older sister who I really knows everything about me everything I have done everyone I have been with and still looks at me like I am hot shit. I feel I already know that I can't let this amazing girl leave my life but I wanna hear how horrible of a person I am if I do wind up with this girl... **** my heart! thanks for reading...

[eonbar]

considering your asking a forum which has a high percentage of people who have A) being cheated on B) just split up with their other halves and are slowly dying inside cos their with someone else .... i dont think your going to get a lot of positive responses. your a knob imo, and someone who destroys relationship. so congrats...

[SelflessnHumble]

Okay so here I am with yet another love problem in my life and I would like some input!

I have a really good friend. We have been friends for 2 years now and she is dating one of my best friends. She has an older sister who has been dating this guy for over 4 years now. The older sister (the one I am feeling very strongly towards) loves spending time with me and over the last year we have gone out for drinks gone clubbing or just had dinner together. Come to think of it I am surprised this didn't happen earlier. Anyways to try to keep this short, last week we had dinner and then went out for drinks and ended up back at her place had a few beers and watched a movie. We ended up making out very heavily pretty much took it as far as we could without actually making love. Pretty much she said she has had these feelings since she met me the first day but she knew that if this would ever happen it would just get complicated and I guess girls are good at hiding that shit! I am crazy about this girl... She is all I can think about and I want to be with her and I know she wants to be with me... but of course she has a boyfriend... I feel bad (just a little)

<------------------STOP right there!!!!

(1) You don't have the balls to establish a woman on your own so you need to build on top of a preexisting relationship...Weak.
(2) She liked you ever since she first met you: and has since hidden these feelings to her now current boyfriend: of whom she had: ZERO issue cheating on!!! You picked a winner, here!

If you need a calculator to do the math dude, then you may deserve what's coming to you as a result of your
poor decision making...

You are what is wrong with people today. (of course she is too) A match made in a shit clogged toilet. Congrats.

[cheeze_guy]

I guess this is hard to understand but she has never cheated on any boyfriends so she is not that kind of a girl. And I am not the kind of guy who only likes a girl for 5 minutes and then moves onto the next. I appreciate that you think that I don't have balls to go for a girl without a boyfriend but maybe you could see how I actually have the balls to risk it all. And I have never been in this situation so it's not like this happens everyday... but i get that it's true there are probably a lot of people hurt from cheating on this shit but this is one of those things where either I go all out and steal her heart or back off and forget about mine... I just think that if you put your personal feelings aside and this happened to u what would you do... but then again you are better then me and this would never happen to you and I feel like it's too late to go back before we had a romantic time... Also she only told me she had feelings for me last week because for some gay reason all our feelings poured out... and I wouldn't even say she had feelings for me forever it's more she just saw how amazing i am since day 1. All i can do is be honest so here I am! but seriously I appreciate the input since you are making it clear that I am a home wrecker I will just have to figure out what to do on my own but shit is a little clearer thanks! ... because I didn't know what I was doing... lol... I guess I'll have to hold onto my happy fairy tale ending for a moment or 2...

[cheeze_guy]

Well in light of everything I have decided to stop seeing this girl... I am not proud to get in the middle of this couple and I understand that all I am doing is ****ing up something that could be beautiful... they have been together so long the only person to ever **** them up like this is me. I can't deny that I feel so strong for this girl but I know in my heart that she still loves her boyfriend and I can't be that dick who goes for the girl with the boyfriend... I guess I am a lot stronger then I thought because this situation has been driving me insane but I am still putting everything together and since it was one night we chilled and made some bad decisions I shall not let it happen again. I will never see this girl again and I will find my queen somewhere else. You know I always believed in fighting for the one u love but now I am feeling less sure of this. at least my conscious (IF THATS HOW IT IS SPELLED) can rest easy and I know that I ****ed up but I am not here to make everyones life harder, just to make one girls easier. **** my heart dammit

[cheeze_guy]

no one can say anything about this except negative shit? pretty much no one in the whole world feels like me

[Cinnabella]

Okay no offend here, but.... You love her? I mean I will tell this if I was 16 years old, are you sure if it's love or lust? What do you know aboit her besides those shiny fields that she showed you or vice versa??? In Any Case, that woman can stand up and kick her bf before she get naked and be horny in front of you, I always think that's what make ppl different from animals, love is Only One, I'm being honest to you, get out of it coz you are both Have no Moral, respect ppl a bit Man!!!! I can imagine how happy you will be if you end up being together already :-D

Maybe you are Blind right now, please step back and think of yourself in His Position cause there is Karma in this Life!

[SelflessnHumble]

I guess this is hard to understand but she has never cheated on any boyfriends so she is not that kind of a girl. And I am not the kind of guy who only likes a girl for 5 minutes and then moves onto the next. I appreciate that you think that I don't have balls to go for a girl without a boyfriend but maybe you could see how I actually have the balls to risk it all. And I have never been in this situation so it's not like this happens everyday... but i get that it's true there are probably a lot of people hurt from cheating on this shit but this is one of those things where either I go all out and steal her heart or back off and forget about mine... I just think that if you put your personal feelings aside and this happened to u what would you do... but then again you are better then me and this would never happen to you and I feel like it's too late to go back before we had a romantic time... Also she only told me she had feelings for me last week because for some gay reason all our feelings poured out... and I wouldn't even say she had feelings for me forever it's more she just saw how amazing i am since day 1. All i can do is be honest so here I am! but seriously I appreciate the input since you are making it clear that I am a home wrecker I will just have to figure out what to do on my own but shit is a little clearer thanks! ... because I didn't know what I was doing... lol... I guess I'll have to hold onto my happy fairy tale ending for a moment or 2...

The fact is (and don't take anything said as personal) She has made a relationship with someone else.
So...no matter what happens between them: If they are still together? It means she is off limits.

Excuses like: But she never does this so it MUST mean she loves me!!!! Or We were drunk, OR but, I would never do this so it MUST be special!!! Are all excuses created at deterring
accountability so you can continue to see a taken woman...Don't kill the messenger! I've been that sucker who was with a girl that cheated and I've been the dude who did the cheating.

See, if you had the moral fortitude to do what a decent fellow would have done (Not made a move, OR: denied her advances) then you would have had the balls to...
You were bold enough to cross the line, sure. This (based on the curcumstance and context) paints you out to be a selfish coward who feels that his expression of his feelings for a (taken woman)
preclude you from taking a liable position that would obviously affect HER mind and choice with her current boyfriend.

The fact is: You have every right to grab her ass, make out with her and all of that good stuff: BUT not while she has chosen to be with someone else emotionally, mentally, physically
but most of all: Exclusively. Sure, we all make mistakes man....I know this more than most BUT: this wasn't a mistake!!!! It was a blatant/premeditated act that you both wanted!

All this really means is that: for clarity: you should have spoken to her about the why and how of this cheating, see that?
Meaning, maybe she is meant to be with you and her relationship has run its course...it's possible...BUT:
Without addressing these issues (she cowers behind the veil of emotion) and this shit doesn't fly!

Even worse if she refuses to tell her man what happened between you two. This would tell me she thought of you as a fling.

The fact is: I base my reply on what I did, what was done to me and what I knew and have always known what I should have done...
If I were in this scenario: (I would ask myself)

(1) What are the consequences of my actions? Cheating, helping HER cheat on her man, her possibly using because I was just there
(2) Why would I do such a thing when they have an already established relationship? I was horny, drunk, feeling selfish, she showed me interest...
(3) Despite our obvious attraction...Should I accept her advances that compromise her preexisting relationship? No, because if we are truly meant to be together? We wait until she ends it with him...

This is what I would do: and what I thought to myself...The difference? At the time: I just didn't give a shit! I wanted a girl, and while she was taken: it turned me on to *take* her away from him...
even if it was just for one night...

I appreciate your honesty, but part of being forthcoming with honesty is to have the ability to: be held accountable for your actions
just because the both of you chose to ignore principle.

[SelflessnHumble]

Well in light of everything I have decided to stop seeing this girl... I am not proud to get in the middle of this couple and I understand that all I am doing is ****ing up something that could be beautiful... they have been together so long the only person to ever **** them up like this is me. I can't deny that I feel so strong for this girl but I know in my heart that she still loves her boyfriend and I can't be that dick who goes for the girl with the boyfriend... I guess I am a lot stronger then I thought because this situation has been driving me insane but I am still putting everything together and since it was one night we chilled and made some bad decisions I shall not let it happen again. I will never see this girl again and I will find my queen somewhere else. You know I always believed in fighting for the one u love but now I am feeling less sure of this. at least my conscious (IF THATS HOW IT IS SPELLED) can rest easy and I know that I ****ed up but I am not here to make everyones life harder, just to make one girls easier. **** my heart dammit

I, for one commend you on choosing to stop seeing this girl.
The only issue I see here: is that IF she truly wanted to be with you: WHY then, could she have not: TOLD HIM face to face? (Exactly, it makes you wonder, right?)

I too believe in fighting for the one you love: but see, this is a rather complicated web she chose to weave here...
On one hand we have:

Their relationship...established and to him: It has been a growing/developing fruitful one...
To her: it was NOT all that important to choose to cheat: it makes me question her motives AND it should question yours with hers WHEN and if you two decide later to get together! Why?
She is capable of cheating on you: with someone else who will keep their mouth shut: just as you've done for her, as she has done to spare him the knowledge of her infidelity...

What I would do? I would ask her what the nature of these feelings she feels for you derive from?
I would also plead to her to tell her boyfriend that she cheated. A person who can hide this: is pretty shallow and cares not for her partner.