Am I being Unreasonable?

[Resik]

My boyrfriend of four years wants to go to Myrtle Beach with friends.

We have a great relationship and we love each other very much. He is a good man who has been there for me in everything. We do have our issues but nothing that we have been unable to get past.

He plays Warcraft. He plays online 3 nights a week for 3 hours doing these in game things called raids. He has developed some friendships during the course of his gaming and about 10 of these men want to get together at Myrtle Beach during the summer. My boyfriend expressed his desire to go.
I am uncomfortable with this. I am uncomfortable becuase I dont know any of these men. He says they are just going to hang out and probably drink, eat and hang out on the beach for the 5 days he'd be there. Now it's imprtant to note that when we first got together 4 years ago he had gone back home to Indiana and had gone to a strip club with his friends. I found out via his my space and I was angry and hurt. Not because I am some uptight woman but because he made it a point to tell me that he was NOT going to go to strip clubs. I had worried about this for sure only because HE had brought up to me that when he gets to INdy his friend wanted him to go but that he told his friend he wouldn't be going because he didn't feel right doing that while in a relationship. So here Im thinking wow I have this great man who respects me. So he made it clear to me he wouldn't be going to the strip club. However, he did go and it caused a huge problem becaause he LIED to me not because he went.
So now, four years later I am pretty anxious and nervous about what will go on with 10 men, drinking and having no real plan or idea of what they are going to be doing. Im not for the heavey drinking and getting drunk as it seems a bit...childish to be doing that all the time..but the real concern is the drinking and the potential for things to happen that would be bad for our relationship.
I really am uncomfortable with this and I don't want him to go.
Am I being unreasonable?
I know men like to do their thing but when I wanted to go to Los Angeles for a couple of nights with my girlfriends he was adamant that he was not comfortable with it (BTW we were going to a Chris Tomlin concert..very harmless). He said that he didn't know the girls too well and was not comfortable with not knowing what they would want to do. I tried to assure him we would eat, shop and go to the concert only..well needless to say I am not going becuase I know it makes him worry..but really??? I mean I would be going with people I actually know and see in person and NOT people from a game..
ugh..
frustrated.

[Michael Fulmer]

Sounds a little one-sided to me. If he was adamant that you could not go away with your friends (effectively not trusting you,) surely he can see how his plans are exactly the same (if not worse) for you?

Bottom-line is that it's not healthy to be in a relationship where you can not trust the other when they're out with their friends. However, if your concern is his safety then that's different. But I'm not sure that is your worry?

I think you both need to figure out your trust issues, or accept that neither of you can ever play in the world without the other! Imagine that. Ahem.

[xxazurexx]

Another hypocrit then. Does what he wants, dislikes it when you want to do things. I suppose you gave in and when he didn't want you to go away with the girls. Now you think he has to turn down this holiday and because you CHOSE not to go with the girls. He wasn't comfortable with you going....it was 'your choice' to give into his whims. I would never allow a guy to tell me what I can and can't do and especially if we were not married. In marriage I'd know my limits and I'd never suggest going away with the girls

You sound like two 'control' freaks together IMO. Scared and to let one another out of your sight.

If you don't trust each other and to leave each others pockets, why are you together? Are you so insecure that you think he will meet someone else or vice versa.
I don't buy that it's to do with his safety.....sorry. And especially when you mention the drinking. Obviously you don't trust him to have a drink and I read that as you are afraid 'temptation' might rear it's head. You also mention 'strip' clubs. What you feel threatened by, are the women who will no doubt at this beach and who he will be surrounded by.

[smackie9]

You both don't trust each other....even after 4 years....that is pretty sad. You already have trouble in your relationship no matter how you slice it. Married or not, you should be able to freely go and do whatever you want. I've been with my guy for over 21 years and even now that we are in our 40's he will go on a snowboarding weekend with much younger party animal type guys and I don't mind at all. He doesn't mind if I go camping with a bunch of much yonger co-workers and I mean they are in their 20's with their crazy drunk friends. So being in a relationship, there shouldn't have to be restrictions if you trust each other fully. I'm distubed at the fact you say temptation will rear it's ugly head.....temptation is everywhere. If he hasn't fell for it yet in 4 years why would it now? Are you that insecure?

I would tell him if he wants to go, then he cannot dictate whether you go or not on a girls weekend in Vegas and see what he has to say about that. This maybe a turning point in your relationship.....maybe it's time to reassess whether there's truly a future with this guy.

[Resik]

Sounds a little one-sided to me. If he was adamant that you could not go away with your friends (effectively not trusting you,) surely he can see how his plans are exactly the same (if not worse) for you?

Bottom-line is that it's not healthy to be in a relationship where you can not trust the other when they're out with their friends. However, if your concern is his safety then that's different. But I'm not sure that is your worry?

I think you both need to figure out your trust issues, or accept that neither of you can ever play in the world without the other! Imagine that. Ahem.

yeah it's not a safety issue..more like Im a bit unsure how things would go if he drinks alot..considering that the last time that happened he went to the strip club he said he wouldn't go to.

[Resik]

Another hypocrit then. Does what he wants, dislikes it when you want to do things. I suppose you gave in and when he didn't want you to go away with the girls. Now you think he has to turn down this holiday and because you CHOSE not to go with the girls. He wasn't comfortable with you going....it was 'your choice' to give into his whims. I would never allow a guy to tell me what I can and can't do and especially if we were not married. In marriage I'd know my limits and I'd never suggest going away with the girls

You sound like two 'control' freaks together IMO. Scared and to let one another out of your sight.

If you don't trust each other and to leave each others pockets, why are you together? Are you so insecure that you think he will meet someone else or vice versa.
I don't buy that it's to do with his safety.....sorry. And especially when you mention the drinking. Obviously you don't trust him to have a drink and I read that as you are afraid 'temptation' might rear it's head. You also mention 'strip' clubs. What you feel threatened by, are the women who will no doubt at this beach and who he will be surrounded by.

Yup I gave in because I wanted him to feel that it was more important to me that he felt comfortable and secure then it was for me to go with my friends.
Im not a control freak as you put it...he does what he wants daily and goes where he wants daily..I don't question him nor do I get jealous or crazy nuts when he is out at the bar watching a game or playing pool. What I am worried about is him possibly doing something out there so far away. I think mostly becuase of the last time he left he ended up drinking a lot and going to a strip club.

I never said it was a saftey issue..lol..Im not sure who said that or how that got thrown in here. Im not concerened for his saftey..and Im aware of what I feel threatened by..and yes it's being in that type of environment and worrying that something could happen.

[Resik]

You both don't trust each other....even after 4 years....that is pretty sad. You already have trouble in your relationship no matter how you slice it. Married or not, you should be able to freely go and do whatever you want. I've been with my guy for over 21 years and even now that we are in our 40's he will go on a snowboarding weekend with much younger party animal type guys and I don't mind at all. He doesn't mind if I go camping with a bunch of much yonger co-workers and I mean they are in their 20's with their crazy drunk friends. So being in a relationship, there shouldn't have to be restrictions if you trust each other fully. I'm distubed at the fact you say temptation will rear it's ugly head.....temptation is everywhere. If he hasn't fell for it yet in 4 years why would it now? Are you that insecure?

I would tell him if he wants to go, then he cannot dictate whether you go or not on a girls weekend in Vegas and see what he has to say about that. This maybe a turning point in your relationship.....maybe it's time to reassess whether there's truly a future with this guy.

Thanks for your honesty. I don't mind brutally honest.
I must address though, I never said "Im disturbed by the fact that tempation will rear it's ugly head" ..however I do acknowledge that I am concerned about things happneing that wouldn't be good for our relatioship.
Im not typically insecure with him or what he does in general..I guess it's just a sore spot for me when I think about him drinking with 10 other guys and being out doing idk what.

It is irritating that he didn't want me to go with my girldfriends and I kick myself for not being more...adamant about it but I had htought it was more important to make him feel comfortable then it was for me to go.

[sweetkissesforu]

What is good for the goose is good for the gander trust is a must in any long term relationship besides if he is going to cheat he would have or will nothing you can do to change that but you can change by trusting him and him to trust you

[xxazurexx]

You know something OP, if he wants to go, let him go. If we try to stop people from doing something, the more they will want to do it and often will go ahead and do it regardless. If we just sit back, not say a word and say 'Have a good time'....it doesn't look so appealing to them anymore for some reason. Try it, it works...

If he goes, then ensure he knows that you will not be refusing your next invite from the girls.