Commitment issue or just cold feet...or something else!?

[qwertz]

Me and my bf are planning on moving in together in the summer, it involves me moving a few hundred miles away and starting again really. I'm happy to do that- ive had enough of the area i live in, it has too many memories.

After a little blip a few weeks ago, i'd go as far as to say that things are fantastic between us at the moment. He is everything i want and more and i am genuinely happy with him.

The last couple of years I pushed previous bf's away and didnt let them get close- i pretty much avoided commitment.

The thing is, lately i seem to be having so many negative thoughts, like when sorting out the practical stuff for the move i suddenly think whats the point, we will split before then anyway. Then i start doubting whether I actually want to be with him, in my head i have thoughts circling around trying to find little reasons that would make things go wrong (i never find them though). I dont have them that often- probably once every few days, its almost as if i panic and these thoughts kind of spiral out of control in my head.

I dont know if that makes sense or not? I hope so. I guess i just want to know whether other people think these are normal feelings or not...

[MerryH]

I think it's pretty normal, to an extent. If those thoughts are effecting your life, then that's a problem. But if your pessimist side is trying to hard to find things to worry about and you still can't find any, then ignore it. Of course things might go wrong and you might break up. That describes every single relationship in existence. So why worry about it? Just enjoy the excitement of moving in with your awesome boyfriend. Congrats!

[qwertz]

I think i just needed somebody to tell me that^ !

[EnjoyingLife]

Sometimes people feel this way when things are finally going great in their lives. It's almost like they can't believe that everything is falling into place, and try to sabotage it. As the OP said, just enjoy the exciting times ahead and realise that worrying won't get you anywhere, especially when you can't find anything that is wrong with your relationship anyway! Good luck with your move!

[xxazurexx]

I think it's normal. I remember being in the same situation and about to move miles away from my family, close friends, everything I'd ever known and with my ex hubby, who I'd only been in a relationship with for a short while. There were days I didn't want to go and days I couldn't wait to get away, then I'd doubt him, would it last, etc.

I ended up eloping anyway and it turned out to be the biggest regret of my life, lols

Don't let that put you off though, just because it didn't work for me, doesn't mean it won't work for you.

[qwertz]

Ughhhh, not sure why but today im having major doubts about everything. It almost feels like somethings changed....just not sure what :s

[MerryH]

What changed?

I mean, can you take a guess?

[qwertz]

I really dont know what (if anything) has changed. It doesnt help i havent seen him in almost 2 weeks and wont see him until sunday now due to our work commitments. Its always when i dont see him much that these things run through my head- never when im actually with him. Jeeeez, i dont know.

[qwertz]

Someone else just posted a thread saying this...

to wanting to end it for no good reason. I feel like I can't trust myself when it comes to love. I don't like feeling responsible for anyone else's' happiness. Maybe I'm too selfish-- I don't like compromising. I don't know how to change this- Should I just accept that I will probably end up alone? I can't imagine finding a guy better than the one I have now.

It pretty much sums up how im feeling :/

[sarah2]

Hey, I posted that ^. I think we are both feeling the same thing.
I know how you feel.

[MerryH]

This is also for sarah, in that case:

You're not completely responsible for his happiness. What a toll that would take on you if that were the truth. That's not going to work long-term. He's not some sad sack who would be a withered mess if you didn't exist, right?

If you don't like compromise and won't do it no matter what, then yeah you're a bit selfish and not ready to be in a relationship. But you're a reasonable person and you can fairly compromise for the good of the relationship, right?

[doppelgaenger]

Packing up and moving away is really tough.

Sometimes I even have trouble leaving a hotel - I find myself frantically looking for something I might have dropped: under a bed, behind a curtain, even when I'm certain I've got it all. I just can't find the part of me that will remain each dwelling when I leave it; a fold in time to hide behind, out of fear of what will happen next.

[xxazurexx]

I think also, your own home and life as you know it is way too familiar, it's what you have become used too and feels 'safe'. To move away is to step into unknown territory and we kinda fear what may await us at the other side.
It's a huge step to take.

[Lipp]

Should be easy enough to list your doubts as you come across them and then pass them to him - in part to see if they're reasonable, in part to ask for reassurances and precautions if they are.

At least that's the guy approach - dealing with the problem instead of overthinking it.