should I contact him?

[unique-entity]

This story is long but I hope I can get some advice...

Back in mid- June, I met this guy at a club. I never give my number to guys at clubs but he was different from the rest and was such a gentleman and I was interested in him. We communicated through text constantly everyday and he took me out on a date and he swept me off my feet. After the first date, we continually texted each other everyday. I took the initiative to ask him out on the second date and we had a great time. His birthday came up not long after (its the end of July at this point) and I drove to his city (which is about 30min drive from where i live) took him out for dinner and bought him a gift he absolutely loved. He also gave me a gift that evening which was so sweet of him. We had a wonderful time that night. Of those three dates, we never held hands, kissed (well he kissed me on the cheek on the second date)but only hugged each other. And it made me start to wonder if he does like me. After his birthday, I felt that it was his turn to initiate in asking me out on a date. However, he never asked me out but we were still texting each other everyday. I knew he was busy with weddings and bachelor parties so i was patient about it. We stopped texting for a week at the end of August as he did not respond to my texts and took it as he wasn’t interested. Then in the beginning of September he texted me and wanted to take me out for my birthday since it was coming up. He took me out for brunch and had to end it early since he had to go to work. As he drove me back home, he told me that, he was in such a hurry to come here that he forgot my gift and felt bad that it had to end early so he wants to take me out for part 2 of my birthday and it would be a surprise where he would take me. I of course agreed and was totally excited about it. He said it would be sometime during the following week or the week after since he’s got some wedding events to get over with. Well that following week and the week after past and he never brought it up or made any plans even though we were still texting each other everyday. I never brought it up to him cause it was something he had planned for me and it didn`t feel right that i had to bring it up. The week after that, he texted me asking me what my plans for the weekend were (at that point I thought he was going to plan it that weekend) so i told him i had no plans. And I asked him if he had plans and his response was that he was going to work a short shift and then go to a friends bbq and Sunday will be watching football. I was hurt and angry that he didn’t have any thoughts of taking me out but I never told him and made it seem like nothing was wrong cause I really liked him. That weekend he didn’t respond to my last text so I figured that i was not going to initiate the next text with him (it was 50/50 when came to who texted first). And he didn’t initiate a text and we stopped texting for two weeks. It really bothered me that he wasn’t texting me so I caved and texted him on thanksgiving (oct 11th) and our conversation went back to normal being flirty and cute (as usual). We continually texted each other everyday but never planned a date (I didn’t have the courage to ask him and was hoping he would ask me). Then by Halloween we stopped texting again. By then my friends told me to forget him and that I could do better. However, I couldn’t get over him and was still thinking about him. In November, I texted him once to see how he was doing and that convo didn’t last. So I thought to myself that it is over and i should move on. Though he was still on my mind. A friend of mine told me that I should confess to him how I felt about him but it seemed it was too late as we weren’t really communicating. Though we did send a few random brief texts after that. December 25th, he sent me a personal text wishing me a merry Christmas which i responded with the same wishes to him as well. On Dec.30th he sent me a text telling me that he is heading to NYC for new years and won’t have his phone on him but wanted to wish me a happy new year. At that point, i felt that he was still thinking of me, so I responded with the same wishes and asked him if he would be interested in catching up over coffee after new years. He agreed and told me he`ll text me when he got back. He never did. During this time I did some facebook creeping (he doesn`t have facebook) and I came across a picture of a girl kissing him on the cheek with the empire state building in the background. Seeing the picture broke my heart but then I found out that the girl is from NYC and so in my mind I believed nothing will come out of that relationship since he`s from Toronto. A couple of weeks ago I texted him a happy lunar new year and he responded wishing me the same. So I thought he probably forgot to text me back in January as he responded back to this text. This past week I facebook creeped and found a new picture of him and that girl holding hands. The picture seems pretty recent as the snow was mostly cleared in the background giving me the assumption that he went to see her for Valentines day. It tore me to pieces as he never showed me those actions and it clearly seems that he is involved with her.

My problem is despite his lack of effort, I still like him. I can’t and haven’t stopped thinking about him. I’ve never felt this way about a guy. I continually think about the past and what I could of done to make things different. I go back and forth on whether he was into me or not. But what if he was really that shy? Cause I was really shy around him when it came showing physical signs (e.g. touch, kiss on the cheek) of interest. So maybe i didn't show enough interest. I have friends telling me that he led me on, he’s weak , not interested, that he doesn’t know what he wants, that I should forget everything about him, there are plenty of fish in the sea or that i should have asked him about our status of our relationship (but how could I ask him that through text?). But the guys that i have met recently don`t compare to him. I have other people telling me to write or call him up to tell him how i feel so I get my answers and closure but I don’t have the courage to do that and put him in an awkward position plus it`s not fair to that girl he is possibly dating. I do wish that he was a part of my life again as he was apart of it my whole summer. Also, he doesn`t know that I know he is with someone. I want to email him asking to meet up for coffee as friends but I don`t know if its a good idea. A friend is telling me not to as I may come off as annoying as she believes he`s not interested while another friend is encouraging me to take the chance and do it and not overanalyze.

I appreciate if I can get some male perspective on this situation.

Thanks

[JJ26]

first off i understand where your friends are coming from those are stereotypical responses not just from friends that are women but also men. Its obvious theres definitely something that keeping you so attached even with just some dates under your belts and alot of txting back and forth. Your going to hear all day from ppl to just forget him, move on etc, its obvious you need some closure wether it be positive or negative. I wouldnt bring up the fact that you know about a girl in his life but you should make the initative ONE last time. Me being a guy I wouldnt think it's to foward if your gave me a call just seeing how I've been you could bring up something about his name was brought up in a conversation with you and a friend about one of the times you to were together and you decided to give him a call make it casual and since you dont want to get indepth over the phone ask him if hes down to meet up for lunch.
With that being said a few things can happen if he doesnt answer leave him a voicemail "i hate leaving voice-mails too" jus seein how hes been and you whats to see if he wanted to grab lunch or something again act" casual" leave your # and if he resonds great if not you've got your anser.
If he does answer do the same thing and then see how things go at lunch throw out a few more hints of your interest " NOT TO MANY please" and if it seems like it went well next time he contacts you or you him start calling more and txting less.
Most ppl may tell you this is useless and waste of your time etc . It's obvious you've heard all that already and your still thinking theres a connection between you too. Think of it this way if it doesnt work out you now know for sure and it's not like your ever gonna see him again its a win win good luck

[unique-entity]

Thank you JJ26 for responding to my post. Its comforting to know that someone can understand what I'm going through. I do have a few question if you don't mind answering from your perspective:
1. Do you think he was still interested in me when he sent me the xmas and new years text? or was it an impersonal text?
2.Do you think he was insecure to ask me out or really wasn't interested/lost interest?